Day +5, difficult child apparently MIA

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PonyGirl, Jun 1, 2010.

  1. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Baby J started losing his hair yesterday. daughter in law reports it's almost all gone this morning. J unable to keep crackers & 7-Up down at breakfast, and is feeling pretty icky. Docs are giving small morphine.

    difficult child went & played his gig with his band last Saturday night, with the understanding he'd be back around noon on Sunday. Nope. Rolled in around 4:30 instead, and - get this - was angry at us for being mad at him!

    daughter in law stayed with Baby J at UMH last night, with the understanding that difficult child would relieve her at 11am this morning, so she could take a shower & get ready for her doctor appointment (OBGYN).

    difficult child went out partying last night. He's a no-show for daughter in law at UMH this morning.

    We don't know if he's been arrested, beat up and left somewhere, or is simply passed out. Whatever.

    I can not believe him. I truly can't. I'm completely dumb-founded.

    I am all packed and ready to leave for home shortly. I feel absolutely terrible to leave daughter in law & J to try to deal with all this. I will re-group after I get home, drop back 10 and punt, see where the ball lands.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I hope he is just out sitting in his car crying his eyes out with a Pepsi and a bag of peanuts. I can understand being totally overwhelmed and feeling like your world is caving in but he has to be there for J. I so hope he is just regrouping himself so he can be and hasnt done anything horrible. Ugh...worrying here too.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I expect I know which ball (either end, you choose) you'd like to be kicking, PG. :919Mad:

  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    What a selfish little git. I'm sorry that Baby J is not feeling well. When it rains, it sure does pour...
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Lots of hugs for you, daughter in law and Baby J. because I cannot post what comes to mind. I hope he isn't hurt, but on the other hand, he needs to really think about what he is doing.
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} to you. I'm so sorry to hear that difficult child has let his family down.
  7. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Yeah I made the 4-hour trip home safely. difficult child showed up at 12:30 at the hospital. Loser told daughter in law to just re-schedule her appointment. What a jerk. I didn't get (nor did I ask for) any explaination. But no, Janet, it certainly wasn't because he was sitting in his car crying. Smoking dope, maybe. Nice thought, tho, thank you for that! I feel so back where I started, you know? dang it. I think tomorrow I will call him and just ask him, what does he need? Does he need complete freedom, and for no one to rely on him at all? Cuz if that's what he needs, I will take a leave of absence for the next four months, so daughter in law has someone dependable to rely on. Cuz we can't keep doing this with him; hoping for the best, fearing the worst, and then alternating between anger and fear, hurt and shame. Can't. Keep. Doing. This. AGAIN!!!!!

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe you should just take that four month leave of absence if you can do a FMLA with where you work. It would give you time with the baby, time to let daughter in law have some alone time dealing with her pregnancy, time with Grandma A when she is up, and even some time with difficult child if he decides to play daddy some of the time.

    I know this isnt near as important but I remember how we felt when we first realized that Cory was born with orthopedic birth defects that were visible. At first I thought someone had dropped him and broken his shoulder or collarbone it hung there so oddly. I remember being just heartbroken and wondering how we would fix this. Would he ever be ok? What did I do? Oh I got told what I did quite fast! Xrays in the first trimester. So now I carry that guilt. I can imagine what your son and daughter in law are feeling. The entire series of what if's. They eat you up. I hope he is going to come to the right conclusion in time. This is a very horrible thing to watch your baby go through. I dont think fathers are as good at it as moms are for some reason.
  9. judi

    judi Active Member

    Some people just can't handle the stress of hospitals. I'm not excusing his behavior, just that maybe he CAN'T do it versus doesn't WANT to do it?
  10. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    That's exactly right, the whole 'men are from some other planet' deal. I began to realize that yesterday. I began to understand it may just be that he 'can't' and not so much that he 'won't'. I sent him a message last night, telling him to think about things, and let me know what he needs. That if he can't hack it, I will take a leave of absence. I would qualify for FMLA where I work, however, the law does not extend to grandchildren. (So I'd need to come up with $1200 a month for my heath insurance. - ouch!) He replied "I'm guna pull it together" but his facebook page is still saying he's leaving again to play another stupid gig with his stupid band this Friday. So that's not pulling it together, in my book.