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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 365102" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The tic may not necessarily be from medications. Sometimes tics just happen. If the medications are helping him adapt to the world in some way, the amount of things he now is able to handle, is likely to be increasing his stress levels in other ways. Tics or stims (as in self-stimulatory behaviour) can be indistiguishable. Stimming behaviour can be a subconscious soothing strategy. Ironically, possibly an indicator that medications are helping him.</p><p></p><p>medications aren't a cure. Not even a total fix. They just make things a bit easier sometimes.</p><p></p><p>The problems you describe - the combination of the crowd, especially being watched (and by a video recorder too) may have just been too much for him. At least he was able to begin. It's more than difficult child 1 used to be able to do - he was a shocker when it came to people looking at him. Even in a happy way, it was too much for him. At school or at church when it was announced that it was difficult child 1's birthday, so let's all sing Happy Birthday to him - he would curl up in a ball and stay on the floor in a fetal position until everyone went away. As for standing out the front of the class, even with other kids, even to receive an a ward - forget it. </p><p></p><p>In your son's case, I think you're right that your presence is a trigger. Your description of events shows that you seem to be very critical of his behaviour, but I do feel he wants to please you. However, he is scared he won't succeed, and this fear is making him so apprehensive that his fear becomes reality. Then your obvious disappointment in his behaviour reinforces this.</p><p></p><p>You are only trying to handle this in the way you were raised, the methods that were used on you. After all, you turned out OK! But your son is not you, the times have changed plus you have a difficult child who isn't able to cope as well as you did. He needs your approval unconditionally, as well as your praise, even in tiy steps, when he can get it right.</p><p></p><p>A different way you could have handled things today (try this next time) - </p><p></p><p>1) get someone else to record for you. Don't tell difficult child that X is recording on your behalf. Just let him think you're just watching.</p><p></p><p>2) Come to rehearsals. Walk out if you find yourself feeling or looking critical. Say nothing at all, let the people responsible handle absolutely everything.</p><p></p><p>3) Only praise the good stuff, make that praise unconditional. Do this in all areas. Keep praise and criticism apart, try to avoid criticism for a while. "Catch him out" doing the right thing. For example, "Look at you! You're sitting so quietly watching TV, well done!" </p><p>If (as some ratbag kids might do) he ten gets up and begins to misbehave, don't comment at all. DO NOT refer back and say, "What has happened? You were sitting so nicely!" Just ignore it. So you notice and praise the good behaviour, ignore the bad (when you can).</p><p></p><p>With the raging and meltdown - you walk away as far as you can outside, go watch the action through a window. Don't you miss out on the rest of it. By leaving him without an obvious observer, he has a better chance of calming himself down. I can tell you from my own experience (because you haven't done anything here that I didn't do, over and over, with the same dud result) that standing over your kid saying, "Stop this RIGHT NOW!" just doesn't work. It only makes things a lot worse.</p><p></p><p>If you feel the medications are helping him, leave him on them. Meanwhile keep a diary of changes you notice, of any problems. Describe the same way you did here. It is valuable observation, you wrote this well.</p><p></p><p>Don't beat yourself up. But also, don't beta him up. He really wants to please you, but some environments and situations are just too much for him. </p><p></p><p>If you can plan ahead with him and role-play how he could have handled his panic better, he might be better equipped next time.</p><p></p><p>He did not melt down to stop you recording or to embarrass you or himself. He melted down because he was in panic mode; the situation had changed more than he could handle, and he had no other tools to help him cope.</p><p></p><p>Crikey, he sounds spectrum-ish!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 365102, member: 1991"] The tic may not necessarily be from medications. Sometimes tics just happen. If the medications are helping him adapt to the world in some way, the amount of things he now is able to handle, is likely to be increasing his stress levels in other ways. Tics or stims (as in self-stimulatory behaviour) can be indistiguishable. Stimming behaviour can be a subconscious soothing strategy. Ironically, possibly an indicator that medications are helping him. medications aren't a cure. Not even a total fix. They just make things a bit easier sometimes. The problems you describe - the combination of the crowd, especially being watched (and by a video recorder too) may have just been too much for him. At least he was able to begin. It's more than difficult child 1 used to be able to do - he was a shocker when it came to people looking at him. Even in a happy way, it was too much for him. At school or at church when it was announced that it was difficult child 1's birthday, so let's all sing Happy Birthday to him - he would curl up in a ball and stay on the floor in a fetal position until everyone went away. As for standing out the front of the class, even with other kids, even to receive an a ward - forget it. In your son's case, I think you're right that your presence is a trigger. Your description of events shows that you seem to be very critical of his behaviour, but I do feel he wants to please you. However, he is scared he won't succeed, and this fear is making him so apprehensive that his fear becomes reality. Then your obvious disappointment in his behaviour reinforces this. You are only trying to handle this in the way you were raised, the methods that were used on you. After all, you turned out OK! But your son is not you, the times have changed plus you have a difficult child who isn't able to cope as well as you did. He needs your approval unconditionally, as well as your praise, even in tiy steps, when he can get it right. A different way you could have handled things today (try this next time) - 1) get someone else to record for you. Don't tell difficult child that X is recording on your behalf. Just let him think you're just watching. 2) Come to rehearsals. Walk out if you find yourself feeling or looking critical. Say nothing at all, let the people responsible handle absolutely everything. 3) Only praise the good stuff, make that praise unconditional. Do this in all areas. Keep praise and criticism apart, try to avoid criticism for a while. "Catch him out" doing the right thing. For example, "Look at you! You're sitting so quietly watching TV, well done!" If (as some ratbag kids might do) he ten gets up and begins to misbehave, don't comment at all. DO NOT refer back and say, "What has happened? You were sitting so nicely!" Just ignore it. So you notice and praise the good behaviour, ignore the bad (when you can). With the raging and meltdown - you walk away as far as you can outside, go watch the action through a window. Don't you miss out on the rest of it. By leaving him without an obvious observer, he has a better chance of calming himself down. I can tell you from my own experience (because you haven't done anything here that I didn't do, over and over, with the same dud result) that standing over your kid saying, "Stop this RIGHT NOW!" just doesn't work. It only makes things a lot worse. If you feel the medications are helping him, leave him on them. Meanwhile keep a diary of changes you notice, of any problems. Describe the same way you did here. It is valuable observation, you wrote this well. Don't beat yourself up. But also, don't beta him up. He really wants to please you, but some environments and situations are just too much for him. If you can plan ahead with him and role-play how he could have handled his panic better, he might be better equipped next time. He did not melt down to stop you recording or to embarrass you or himself. He melted down because he was in panic mode; the situation had changed more than he could handle, and he had no other tools to help him cope. Crikey, he sounds spectrum-ish! Marg [/QUOTE]
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