Dealing with a 9 Year old with ODD

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kimba, Sep 12, 2007.

  1. Kimba

    Kimba New Member

    <span style="color: #FF0000"> </span> Hi there I am new to this discussion board and hope that someone else out there can relate with my delima. I have a nin year old boy that I strongly belive has ODD. He is my only natural son as I also have four step sons. His father is against all types of medications and does not feel that it will help him to see a doctor or counselor. I feel that something is going to have to be done in order for him to function in school. He is a gifted child and is in a class for Gifted Students however he is not able to go a week without violent outburst temper tantrums, and multiple inapproriate outburst. He is fine as long as he can read and do things on his own but it happens when he is in group situations that he ends up in some type of altercation. So any help that you guys could give me or advice would be great.
    Thanks in advance. Kimba
     
  2. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Hi Kimba-Welcome to the group!

    Many will come along shortly with many questions that will help them lead you in a good direction. If your son hasn't been evalauted by a neuropshychologist, I would recommend finding a pediatric one in your area and having him testing. The do many tests to help diagnose different disorders. ODD rarely stands alone, he may actually have a different disorder that is causing him so much frustration, the he seems ODD.

    My oldest and youngest GFG have inappropriate outbursts as well. My oldest had to have his 2nd grade class evacuated once because he was throwing such a tantru. My youngest gets angry and refuses to comply with anything.

    Have you heard of the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It helped me understand my kids better. If you haven't read it, see if your local library has a copy and check it out.

    My heart goes out to you. Again, welcome! More will be along shortly.
     
  3. Gramma

    Gramma New Member

    My daughter has a GFG who is ODD. They live with us. Most mornings, something will set him off and our morning is something out of Keystone Cops (silent movie) where we are all grabbing cereal bowls full of milk and cereal to keep them from "flying" off the table in his rage. He missed me the other day with a flying shoe. The other kids in our house are not always so lucky. Afternoons after school are no better. I will ask her to get on and talk to you. Some days it is so bad, that she just sits in the rocker and holds him until his mood changes. Good luck and God Bless you and your GFG.
     
  4. MidwestMom

    MidwestMom Well-Known Member

    Very seldom does ODD stand alone. It is more a behavior than the disorder itself. All the kids here have ODD behavior, but it stems from other things--ADHD, bipolar, autistic spectrum disorder. I have a few questions.
    1/ What type of professional diagnosed him? I'm guessing a Psycologist because a NeuroPsych or Psychiatrist (with the MD) rarely diagnose stand alone ODD.
    2/ Any psychiatric issues or substance abuse on the family tree? Much of this can be hereditary. You need to take both sides of the family into consideration.
    3/Any speech or developmental delays?
    4/How are his social skills and eye contact?
    Others will come along. My opinion is to re-evaluate him with either a Child Psychiatrist or NeuroPsych or both. That's what we had to do (both) to get the real answer to our questions. Welcome!
     
  5. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Welcome. I am a single parent with 6 kids who all have different medical conditions. My biggest challenge to date is the 9yr old. He determines how my day goes. He usually on a good day has only three outbursts, but normally it seems like its every 20-30 minutes. It is very difficult trying to address the situation without outside help.

    My ex doesnt believe theres anything wrong as he is just all boy. They used to visit him and he would say he never had one problem with any of them...funny as the kids get older they tell you everything. My ex is in major denial but that never stopped me from getting my kids help.

    My advice is ask questions here,talk to your dr and the school. Also check with your health insurance to see who you need to go to for the neuropsych evaluation. My kids havent had one but I am pushing for it to be done. Document in a journal when his mood and behavior changes. If you can pinpoint the triggers write those down to. This will help the school and dr's form a treatment plan.

    I was not okay putting my kids on medication at all. I waited until my son was a safety risk to himself and others at school. I waited to long I think now that I see what a difference it makes. I think all parents hesitate to medicate their kids but it really can improve their daily activities.

    Counseling is really good to. These kids get made fun of alot. They also feel and know they are different from other kids. I have learned a bunch about my kids through counseling. It might help dad to understand more of your treatment options as well.

    My 9yr old also has anxiety so he sleeps on my lap all night in the rocking chair. We have everyone on a strict schedule which helps more than anything. I plan everything around our schedule. No phone calls or visitors from 4:30-8:00. We eat at 5:30 and they are in bed at 8pm. We get up at 5:30. I find that if I serve dinner even 10 minutes late it throws everthing off.

    I hope I have helped some. Even if you cant use any of my advice please just know there are so many of us out their that are frustrated and feel like crying sometimes. I will keep your family in our prayers.
     
  6. tsp

    tsp New Member

    I normally lurk, but wanted to reassure you. I have a 9 year old who has odd behaviors, as well, but his stem from a hefty combination of ADHD, severe learning disabilities and a language disorder. We were at our wits end until we took him to a clinical psychologist and were provided solid answers to what was going on with him. We still have bad days (boy, do we!) but now we have a toolbox to work from when the bad days come along. Getting those diagnoses was scary, but it would be a lot scarier having a 9 year old with his issues that we had no idea how to help cope.

    As for dad: dads are almost always in denial about these things. I'm not sure why. But here's the thing: is it better for your kid to think he's a bad kid?

    More than likely his behavior is caused by a cluster of neurological conditions. This means that it is medical in nature and knowing the cause means that you can begin to get a handle on helping your son deal with it. If he had diabetes, would you withhold treatment?
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Moderator Staff Member

    Welcome! You are definitely not alone. My son although currently doing better has had many violent outbursts and inappropriate outbursts. Others have given good ideas. Also be sure to take care of you through all of this. It is very important to carve out some "me" time even though that can be difficult to do.
     
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Welcome. My son turns 9 later this month and is in third grade. This place has been a tremendous source of support for me. I'm so glad you found us. My son has adhd and anxiety and other stuff too but right now I'm focusing on treating the symptoms. We are so fortunate to have a terrific 3rd grade teacher who so far has gone out of her way to accommodate us. I went three years before finally deciding that I had no choice but to try medication. I'm just beginning those trials realizing it might take a while to find the right fit and also understanding that mes are just part of the solution. So far, after one week on Celexa I have to admit that I'm seeing slight improvement. Good luck and again, welcome.
    MicheleL
     
  9. Kimba

    Kimba New Member

    I am so tired...I had my first real sit down conference with the counselor and the teachers and the principal on Friday afternoon. They informed me that he has been threatening other students with pencils and scissors and harming himself in class. He does not do this at home, and I began to cry to think that he could do this to himself. The teachers are all concerned for his saftey and the safety of others as well. They are having the school diagnositian evalute him in class, to write down his outburst and try to pin point a trigger for him. Good luck I told them because I can not ever be sure of what will set him off. One students paper barely crossed over on his desk and he cut it to make it not cross over...have you ever heard of such things? I have not and what scares me more than anything is that the counselor said that he does not fit the normal of regular diagnosed behavioral problems, that he is the most severe case they have ever seen this young (fourth grade). I have an appointment this week with a therapist (psychotherapist) and he is needing a complete evaluation. I do also feel that he could be showing signs of early onset bipolar disorder and yes to you questions it is in the family. I dread the thought of my son on lithium and I know the side effects are terrible, but hopefully whatever is discovered as his root issues that this will be the beginning of a change for the better for him.
    I also am afraid of what that type of diagnosis will mean to my marriage as my husband is not very receptive to medicine. He feels they are all out for money and want to drug kids to me zombies so they will do whatever they want them to.
    I have read so many books but you know nothing has worked with my son, he is not always like this but he goes from being really sweet to evil very quickly and you can never tell when it will happen. I say evil but it is really just very mean.
    Thanks to all of you that replied and any suggestions from here on out are greatly appreciated. I am not sure what all of the abreviations that you guys use mean so I will try to let you know what my status is once I get them figured out. For now;

    Married (for thirteen years) Caucasion Thirty something border line bipolar mother.
    My son is 9 and has ODD with possible Bipolar disorder, is exceptionally bright and in Gifted and Talented classes, reads at a high school level in fourth grade, is also at a high school level in math and science. He has a college level vocabulary as well so no he does not have ANY learning disabilities. He is in the top two percent of the school and scored 100% on his standardized test.
    My Husband is Caucasion Fourty Something and also has four other sons (all adults now) from two previous marriages, no mental disorders.
     
  10. Kimba

    Kimba New Member

    Yes I have read the "explosive Child" and I too found it reassuring that my son is not alone and nor am I. I have tried some of the suggestions but although they work at home it has not worked at school yet.
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Kimba,
    I am so sorry you are going through this. But I am glad you sat down w/the teachers and admin and they are going to work w/you and your son on it. That sounds scary, I know, but it will really, really help you.
    My DH was exactly like yours. He's a chiropractor and very anti-med. He calls the pharmaceutical industry the New Mafia. I tend to agree, when I see the prices, LOL!
    Still, if you need meds, you need them.
    I told my DH that his philosophy might look good on paper but in reality it wasn't worth diddly squat. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif
    Also, the teachers insisted on meeting w/both of us. After your son's evaluation, make sure that the teachers and counselors meet w/both of you, even if you have to covertly ask for their assistance in getting your DH to the mtng.
    It isn't about being sneaky. It's about doing whatever you have to do to help your son!!!! And overall, that will help your family.
    Your DH needs to understand that any time any one, individual person in the family has a problem, you all have it. It affects everyone.
    {{hugs}}
     
  12. Kimba

    Kimba New Member

    Yes I feel like I too am going to have to give in and try medication. I am mainly worried about teh side effects and the effects of my son taking medicine on my husband.
    I am glad I found this site too and thanks so much for replying.
     
  13. Kimba

    Kimba New Member

    Thanks SOOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR REPLY!!!! I too feel like I have to do what ever it takes to help my son and yes it is very scarey!I hope that the appointment for his evaluation goes well and will let you all know what is discovered. Thanks again...our husbands sound very similar!! (Thanks for your support) Kimba:)
     
  14. Gramma

    Gramma New Member

    My GFG3 back in kindergarten took a boy to the floor and choked him in class. She was sent to the principal's office. They called me, I was dumbfounded. She had never done this before. She was not very verbal, so we couldn't ask her what went on. A couple months later, it happend again - same little boy. I asked her in desperation, "What happened? What boy do? Why you hurt boy?" She mustered up all her vocabulary and said, "Boy color paper". I asked if she told teacher. She said, "Tell me sit down." I finally had the answer and I was thrilled.

    GFG3 lives with her "space". She has a "space" around her most of the times - dinner, playing with other kids, at school in class. This boy (who now no longer sat next to her) loved to invade her personal "space" to get her upset. When GFG3 would try in her gibberish to tell the teacher what happened, the teacher did not understand her and would tell her to sit back down. Being frustrated that the adult in her life wasn't backing her up, she took matters into her own hands.

    Perhaps your child, too, needs a comfort space around him in class. Perhaps this other childs paper crossed your child's personal space boundary. Ask the teacher what is happening when he gets upset.

    I pray that for you, too, it is very simply a "space" issue as well.
     
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