Compassion, some thoughts here. We did have the stealing for a while - difficult child 1, and then a girl who lived nearby who would break in especially in bad weather because her mother kept her locked out of the house until there was someone else home.
The bits of timber cut to fit the window track of sliding doors/windows - very effective, it stopped the neighbour girl. The one window we didn't have it on, was one that no adult could have got through plus we live in a town where people tend to not lock doors, so we were more vigilant than most. After she got through our tiny window, even that earned a bit of timber, plus a window lock in use.
We never had to lock our bedroom from difficult child 1, becauze once we discovered what was going on we gave him such a scare that he never did it again. He was really upset at how long it took to earn back our trust, though. Tough. Consequences.
But I think we were so successful with difficult child 1 because he's Aspie, not BiPolar (BP) and finally the message got through, he just "got it". I can't tell you how it worked, I wish I could.
When it comes to putting padlocks on things, you need to be aware that they can be defeated. If you have bolted the padlock on, for example, and there are bolts showing (I can't describe them using the s word, the site censor bleeps it) then be aware that judicious use of a screwdriver can undo the fastening, remove the whole assembly, rifle through what's behind the padlock then they use the screwdriver again to put the assembly back so you won't know it's been gone.
Any locking system that is inconvenient for you, leads to you taking more and more shortcuts which the thief can exploit. If it's a hassle to keep getting the keys out to unlock the padlock just to get a packet of biscuits or the flour from the cupboard, you will tend to leave the padlock off while you're cooking, at least. Then you might delay putting the padlock back on until you're sure you've finished cooking, for example. Or you might intend to make a cuppa, so you leave it for a little longer. And so on.
An alternative when stuff goes missing - don't replace it. For example, driver's licence gone missing, then the consequences are, you can't drive her anywhere. Make-up goes missing or gets trashed - stop wearing make-up. Shampoo or conditioner gets trashed - then nobody in the house gets to use any shampoo or conditioner. It can be done - you rinse your hair in warm water every night and after about 6 weeks of misery, your hair stabilises and you find you never need to use shampoo again (that is the theory - look up "Richard Glover" and "shampoo" on Google for an amusing discussion on this; husband is trying this, he finds he only ever shampoos with a tiny amount, every few weeks).
Your Bible goes missing - then next time you get your hands on it, memorise it (or huge chunks of it). I got heavily criticised by an idiot 'friend' of mine for not reading the Bible every day - I already have vast tracts of it memorised, from childhood. Mind you, my memory is all King James version! (I can't be having with these new-fangled translations...). There is also a lot of Bible options and meditation/study guides available online. You CAN do without your Bible if you need to, she should't be able to hold it to ransom. When it all boils down, it is JUST a book, a very widely published book, and she can't corner the market on every copy ever published! Just go to a neighbour and read their copy at their home for a while. And the more trouble you have to go to to getyour hands on it, the more you will find the passages sticking in your memory. So it will all come back to bite her.
We just watched the Aussie version of Pioneer House. Personally, I felt they had far too many technological aids, too many home comforts. They had FLOORS, for pete's sake! And staff... it's amazing what you can accomplish with that much. But you can always challenge her that you will ALL do without the advantages of whatever it is she keeps stealing. If you have to, clean out your home of all likely things she will try to steal, put it all into storage. Take away her car keys, permanently. They are a privilege. Take away her house key likewise. Search her room regularly - after all, she's been going through your stuff. She is still a minor, you have the right.
difficult child 3 has a key that allows him to get into the car, but it will not start the car. He also has a house key and a garage key. These are handy for all of us - I can send him out to the garage to get stuff, or if we're out shopping I can send him back to the car with the trolley of groceries, and know the car will be properly packed for my. He's a good kid. When we drive out, difficult child 3 waits outside the car to lock the garage after us, with his own key. When we get home, he always loved being first out of the car so we use this to send him to unlockc the garage, then go unlock the house.
We do this because we can trust him. At the first sign that he is stealing from us (and I don't think this will happen, but that's a different issue) then those three keys get confiscated.
Whenever we've had a kid on a special diet, we've often removed ALL "bad" foods form the house. For example, difficult child 3 is allergic to ony kind of food colour, I'm allergic to another. Nobody else has any problems with allergies. But if ANY of us buy lollies, for example, even if we only buy them for personal consumption, we make sure that what we buy doesn't have the "bad" colours in it.
I'm still on my strict diet. OK, I can't have difficult child 3 or husband cutting back on calories, but I can't eat white rice any more. They can. But when I only have brown rice cooked, then it's generally easier for the fellas to eat brown rice rather than cook white just for them. They like the brown rice anyway, so that's what we ALL eat.
And in the past, when any kids of ours got stuck into food to excess or abused a privilege or treat (such as by scoffing every calorie within minutes of getting home from school) that that is where the treat ends, for everyone.
We can't eat sweets that aren't there. We can't eat crisps that aren't there. If the fridge only has fresh vegetables and fruit, and there are no wraps or fruit leathers or biscuits or cake, then guess what? All they can eat is healthy food.
The biggest thing - yes, this can be a nuisance. But cutting out a lot of this sort of stuff, even if only for a while, means you don't have to worry if your kid has found your stash of chocolate and scoffed the lot. Minimal lifestyle can be a shock but it can also be very freeing.
Marg
