Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Dealing with the anger
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 420282" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>I do not think the anger ever really totally goes away unless a difficult child makes a complete turn about. It does however become blunted with time and <strong><em>alot of it</em></strong> is converted to sadness. I'm not sure which is easier to deal with the anger or the sadness but I do know that for myself, I can accept the sadness and have a happy life in spite of it. The anger just ate me up. I am still angry with my difficult child for so many reasons but I manage to channel it into positive acts. If I let it consume me in the negative way I would loose myself. My acceptance that things are what they are and are most likely not going to change actually helps me maintain my boundries. </p><p> </p><p>I have walked through fire and will continue to do so from time to time for as long as my difficult child is in my life. But I have come to the realization that now that he is an adult he cannot change my ability to direct my own life <em><strong>unless I let him</strong></em>. I do calmly tell him when he does something that hurts me or angers me. I leave the ranting and raging out. It serves no purpose other than to get my blood boiling and who needs that? But I feel that as his parent, who has sacrificed so much for him over the years, I have a right to voice my discontent when his actions affect me. I try to <strong><u>ACT</u></strong> not react. It gets easier with time. </p><p> </p><p>That said my difficult child has informed me that his girlfriend is pregnant so I do know what my next challenge will be. I also know that I do not want to raise this child. At this point I am not sure how much involvement I will have or how much I will want. I have 8 months or so to think about that. But I do know that I will not allow the child to be a pawn in difficult child's attempts to manipulate me. I also have already accepted that the child may be taken by DSS and never be a part of my life. I'm OK with that and it is how difficult child came to me in the first place. I will pray that if the child does end up in the system that he gets into a home where they are committed to giving him what he needs for his entire childhood as we did for difficult child. Unfortunately my easy child daughter has not been able to make that commitment to herself and I do worry for her. I fear that she will try to adopt the child as we did her brother. this child will most likely turn out as my difficult child did inspite of all efforts. It is genetic in this case (a chromozome malformation that causes a malformation in the brain and is a dominant trait in most all offspring). difficult child followed his boyfriend's footprints in spite of a wholesome upbringing and most likly this next generation will do the same. Knowing how hard my life has been since difficult child entered it, I do not wish the same on my daughter. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 420282, member: 2315"] I do not think the anger ever really totally goes away unless a difficult child makes a complete turn about. It does however become blunted with time and [B][I]alot of it[/I][/B] is converted to sadness. I'm not sure which is easier to deal with the anger or the sadness but I do know that for myself, I can accept the sadness and have a happy life in spite of it. The anger just ate me up. I am still angry with my difficult child for so many reasons but I manage to channel it into positive acts. If I let it consume me in the negative way I would loose myself. My acceptance that things are what they are and are most likely not going to change actually helps me maintain my boundries. I have walked through fire and will continue to do so from time to time for as long as my difficult child is in my life. But I have come to the realization that now that he is an adult he cannot change my ability to direct my own life [I][B]unless I let him[/B][/I]. I do calmly tell him when he does something that hurts me or angers me. I leave the ranting and raging out. It serves no purpose other than to get my blood boiling and who needs that? But I feel that as his parent, who has sacrificed so much for him over the years, I have a right to voice my discontent when his actions affect me. I try to [B][U]ACT[/U][/B] not react. It gets easier with time. That said my difficult child has informed me that his girlfriend is pregnant so I do know what my next challenge will be. I also know that I do not want to raise this child. At this point I am not sure how much involvement I will have or how much I will want. I have 8 months or so to think about that. But I do know that I will not allow the child to be a pawn in difficult child's attempts to manipulate me. I also have already accepted that the child may be taken by DSS and never be a part of my life. I'm OK with that and it is how difficult child came to me in the first place. I will pray that if the child does end up in the system that he gets into a home where they are committed to giving him what he needs for his entire childhood as we did for difficult child. Unfortunately my easy child daughter has not been able to make that commitment to herself and I do worry for her. I fear that she will try to adopt the child as we did her brother. this child will most likely turn out as my difficult child did inspite of all efforts. It is genetic in this case (a chromozome malformation that causes a malformation in the brain and is a dominant trait in most all offspring). difficult child followed his boyfriend's footprints in spite of a wholesome upbringing and most likly this next generation will do the same. Knowing how hard my life has been since difficult child entered it, I do not wish the same on my daughter. -RM [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Dealing with the anger
Top