Dear Alice Farmer;

janebrain

New Member
I guess I am wondering why you would spank someone when you are not angry? The only time I have spanked my kids was when I was really angry and not in control of myself. If I had been able to be cool I would not have done it. I think there is something weird about hitting someone when you are not feeling angry with them. And spanking is hitting, just a more easy child word for it in my opinion.
Jane
 

house of cards

New Member
I agree with the pps that say it depends on the child, I also think it depends on the age of the child and the parents personality. I am not at all comfortable spanking a baby under 2 or a child over 10 depending on maturity. I also think it is dependant on the child's ability to understand and learn from it without too much resentment as well as the child's makeup.

My difficult child Major's behavior is mostly the result of anxiety...I can't spank that out of him, now my 21 yo that has ADHD and mild ODD, a spanking gave him something to FEAR that let him show greater self control...but he would internalize it as my personal dislike of HIM. I used it seldom and usually had a talk after about why I did it and that I loved him very much.

Now, am I guilty of spanking when it wasn't a great idea, oh yea. Would I want a school to spank my kid...No, if I felt it was needed, I would do it at home, I wouldn't want the humiliation of it to effect my kid and I am pretty sure I wouldn't agree with the school more often then not.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
We spanked. I am not going to deny it. It worked well for two of the kids but didnt have much of an effect on Cory. But then...nothing had much of an effect on him. What I wanted to do was really illegal!

Spanking in our schools was legal..and still is as far as I know. Since I have none in the schools I wouldnt know.

They tried spanking Cory over the years with humorous results. Im sure they are still talking about him.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
I am guessing - because I have spanked in both "modes" - and when I spanked when I was angry it was because I WAS NOT in control and my punishment was NOT appropriate.

When I said Okay - it's time for your punishment and it was AFTER I had cooled down? I was able to deliver three swats to the fat part of the kiester, in a controlled way. And not an out of control, crazy woman chasing a child through the house yelling - WHEN I CATCH you =YOU are going to really get it.

I dont' find anything wrong with swats on the butt. I did let go once and popped Dude in the mouth. It was a very knee jerk reaction. It accomplished something - made me feel like a jerk for not being in control.

I'm not saying one or the other is correct for every child - I'm just saying when I did spank - without being angry - I felt I actually was giving a punishment that fit. When I spanked and was NOT in control? It made me feel about () big.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Well I was probably more the woman chasing the kids through the house yelling when I catch you boy are you gonna get it! Or the more famous...When Your Father gets home!

I do have to say that my boys got popped a lot when younger. I dont think any of them would name a time when they think they got it when it wasnt deserved. Now Jamie still to this day carries on over the time that I used a DIFFERENT punishment because of the fact that he and Cory were driving me batty chasing each other and generally causing chaos and mayhem. I made them sit in straight backed chairs facing each other and tied them into the chairs with socks. Around the waist. They had to sit there until they said they were sorry to each other for hitting, name calling, yada yada. They were 5 and 3. I think they sat there for about 5 minutes before they were giggling and laughing at each other. LOL.

I think geographic location has some impact on the spanking issue. You would be in the minority here if you didnt spank. We actually had the cops turn around IN THE POLICE STATION when they hauled Cory in for some misdeed and they called Tony to come get Cory. They looked at Tony and said..."you gonna handle this?" Tony proceeded to whip the you know what out of him right then and there. He must have been an early teen. It was just expected. Of course, Cory was also begging them to take him to jail rather than call us! We would have been looked at as if we coddled him and didnt impose punishments if we had not done anything. And truth be told...there was nothing we could do other than whip him that made any impact. We couldnt take away any privileges...he just did things anyway, we couldnt lock him up...against the law, we couldnt do anything.
 

Lothlorien

Active Member
I'm actually surprised that schools do this. I thought that was a practice that was long gone in schools. I'm not comfortable with teachers spanking children. I do think that sometimes kids are punished unfairly and I think this practice is just archaic.

That being said, a spanking done for the right reasons, AT HOME, is appropriate at times. I spanked easy child about two weeks ago for throwing something into the front of the car while I was driving 65 on the highway. He'd been repeatedly told that he cannot do that and it's dangerous. Yet, he did it anyway. A spanking, in this instance, was warranted. I've only had to do that a few times with him, but with a dangerous thing.....you betcha....he's in for a couple swats on the butt.
 
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