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Dear son
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 695441" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think you are correct a dad. Many so many of today's kids are slow to launch. Many factors contribute to this---fewer children in a family, so parents have more resources to give each child (guilty), the baby boomer-too precious child mentality (guilty), access to drugs/alcohol/pills, less strict discipline in families (guilty), less faith-based teaching/spirituality/church/something greater than me, new data on late brain development (nothing we can control here), genetic disposition to addiction...on and on. So many variables. I have spent SO MUCH TIME analyzing this, as I tried to figure Difficult Child out and "Where I went wrong...". </p><p></p><p>The end result is a whole lot of today's young adults launching much much later for a whole bunch of reasons---PCs and DCs---meaning we parents have to shoulder the "burden" much much longer than we ever imagined. </p><p></p><p>I do think there is SOMETHING to the aging out factor. As I have so often told this story (and yes, I'm going to tell it again), the sheriff's deputy at the workhouse where Difficult Child was jailed one time (one of 8 or 9 times in jail) told me: Oh, he's 23...well you have about three or four more years to go? I said, desperate for some answers, What? She said, oh yes, many of them "get it" once they are 26 or 27 and we don't see them again. I said: You promise? And we both laughed, me wryly. </p><p></p><p>There is something to many of our kids getting older (brain development, whatever). I know not all of them "get it" as they age. I know that. But many seem to. </p><p></p><p>That is hopeful. </p><p></p><p>I think our country will swing back to a less permissive parenting style as well...I look back now on some of my parenting principles and I shudder at myself. Come on, now, I think. Really? But I did the best I could at the point I was at, at that time. Now I know better, and I would do better, were I to do it all over again. Not the command and control strong arm of my father, but a more direct, firm, no-nonsense parenting with very swift consequences. I explained way way way too much. Way too much talking, I did. I was trying to be different from my father.</p><p></p><p>Sigh. We live and learn.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 695441, member: 17542"] I think you are correct a dad. Many so many of today's kids are slow to launch. Many factors contribute to this---fewer children in a family, so parents have more resources to give each child (guilty), the baby boomer-too precious child mentality (guilty), access to drugs/alcohol/pills, less strict discipline in families (guilty), less faith-based teaching/spirituality/church/something greater than me, new data on late brain development (nothing we can control here), genetic disposition to addiction...on and on. So many variables. I have spent SO MUCH TIME analyzing this, as I tried to figure Difficult Child out and "Where I went wrong...". The end result is a whole lot of today's young adults launching much much later for a whole bunch of reasons---PCs and DCs---meaning we parents have to shoulder the "burden" much much longer than we ever imagined. I do think there is SOMETHING to the aging out factor. As I have so often told this story (and yes, I'm going to tell it again), the sheriff's deputy at the workhouse where Difficult Child was jailed one time (one of 8 or 9 times in jail) told me: Oh, he's 23...well you have about three or four more years to go? I said, desperate for some answers, What? She said, oh yes, many of them "get it" once they are 26 or 27 and we don't see them again. I said: You promise? And we both laughed, me wryly. There is something to many of our kids getting older (brain development, whatever). I know not all of them "get it" as they age. I know that. But many seem to. That is hopeful. I think our country will swing back to a less permissive parenting style as well...I look back now on some of my parenting principles and I shudder at myself. Come on, now, I think. Really? But I did the best I could at the point I was at, at that time. Now I know better, and I would do better, were I to do it all over again. Not the command and control strong arm of my father, but a more direct, firm, no-nonsense parenting with very swift consequences. I explained way way way too much. Way too much talking, I did. I was trying to be different from my father. Sigh. We live and learn. [/QUOTE]
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