So it's 7pm and oldest son is still in bed. I went downstairs for the first time in a long time and it's worse than I even remember. You can't see the floor for clothes and garbage, and there is weed on the desk. It made me feel physically sick. He told his father the other day he is very depressed. I can see he is, but at what point do we force him to seek help? I know that he is done exams next week. I think as soon as they are done we need to do something. I'm not even sure how he will write his exams. He isn't well. I'm so tired. I work two jobs and he can't even get out of bed. I have a 12hour shift this weekend at the youth home, and I am exhausted even thinking of it. I told the director I can't continue to work every weekend when I originally agreed to one weekend a month as a casual. I have worked almost every weekend since Xmas. And all my money went to the drug dealer. I am getting angry. I am so sad and feel like I'm a crazy person to keep living like this. I know you all probably think I enable him, and I do too. I just don't know how to make it better. I want him to step up but he is so depressed I don't know if he can. I feel like I'm in a bad dream.