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Defiance - I don't know
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 222795" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Do you think Dad is expecting too much of him?</p><p></p><p>When he gets mean to others, remove him from the situation. Tell him that he needs to spend time in his room until he can calm down and be nice. Tell him you will come to the room in a little bit to talk about what is going on.</p><p></p><p>I usually start conversations with the kids as, "How do you see things? How are you feeling?" Try to allow him to verbalize his feelings without you getting emotional. If he says something that makes you angry, hide that anger and talk to him about the result of what happened. You are there on a fact gaining mission and a brainstorming mission on what a better way would have been.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes kids are mean because they are feeling left out. Maybe some of the times he just wants to spend time with a family member but feels that person doesn't want to play a game or talk so he automatically engages in an inappropriate activity. Talk to him about a better way to get that person's attention.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes being mean is a cry for help. The child feels angry and doesn't like how he or she feels - it is their way of venting so to speak. If you see it in these terms, it will be easier to withhold the spanking and try another approach.</p><p></p><p>Our library also does not have "The Explosive Child" but we are a group of libraries and I could order it. Check to see if your library has that connection that they can get it in for you.</p><p></p><p>I did not read anything about manipulation in your post so the book as a whole may not pertain to you, but there are some real good insights in "The Manipulative Child" that may also help you handle some of the behaviors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 222795, member: 5096"] Do you think Dad is expecting too much of him? When he gets mean to others, remove him from the situation. Tell him that he needs to spend time in his room until he can calm down and be nice. Tell him you will come to the room in a little bit to talk about what is going on. I usually start conversations with the kids as, "How do you see things? How are you feeling?" Try to allow him to verbalize his feelings without you getting emotional. If he says something that makes you angry, hide that anger and talk to him about the result of what happened. You are there on a fact gaining mission and a brainstorming mission on what a better way would have been. Sometimes kids are mean because they are feeling left out. Maybe some of the times he just wants to spend time with a family member but feels that person doesn't want to play a game or talk so he automatically engages in an inappropriate activity. Talk to him about a better way to get that person's attention. Sometimes being mean is a cry for help. The child feels angry and doesn't like how he or she feels - it is their way of venting so to speak. If you see it in these terms, it will be easier to withhold the spanking and try another approach. Our library also does not have "The Explosive Child" but we are a group of libraries and I could order it. Check to see if your library has that connection that they can get it in for you. I did not read anything about manipulation in your post so the book as a whole may not pertain to you, but there are some real good insights in "The Manipulative Child" that may also help you handle some of the behaviors. [/QUOTE]
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