Defiant 5 year old

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Suddenlystepmommy, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. Suddenlystepmommy

    Suddenlystepmommy New Member

    I have a 5 year old step son who my husband and I are both about at our wits end with.
    He's constantly arguing with us, yelling at us, refusing to listen to us, constantly hurting the dog and laughing about it, and constantly saying "you're not the boss of me. I'm the boss of me" etc.
    He hasn't been acting like this at school. It seems to be mainly at home.. And definitely directed more toward me I feel.
    we are starting to look into taking him to a doctor. We are currently documenting All of his behaviors so we can take it to the doctor.
    Has anyone dealt with a similar situation ?
    It seems like every act of discipline we try doesn't not phase him.
  2. Suddenlystepmommy

    Suddenlystepmommy New Member

    Oh and forgot to mention ... He has been purposely peeing on the floor!
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Did he have very chaotic first three years? Different caregivers? Left in care of unstable mother maybe? Boyfriends who may have abused him? Foster care placement?

    I think he sounds like he could have a form of attachment disorder which occurs when infants and toddlers and young children do not have stability in their earliest years. If birthmother drank or did drugs during pregnancy that could be a factor too...that is lethal to the child's developing brain in her womb. This is similar to how many adopted kids who were in foster care behave if they have not had stable early years. It also sounds like he is jealous and wants daddy to himself, which is actually normal. Does he live mostly with you or mom? Do you have any o ther kids? If you have pets, I love animals, I hope you rehome them. If he is attachment disordered or drug affected or just disturbed, pets should not be subjected to cruelty. Cruelty to animals is not a good sign. I would see a child psychiatrist pronto and skip the therapists and pediatrician. They won't know how to handle that degree of dysfunctional behavior.

    The peeing on the floor is another huge red flag. That can mean sexual abuse or just attachment disorder.

    Does he like to play with fire?

    There are three huge red flags for children who are heading towards extremely serious problems if not helped diligently. The t hree signs are cruelty to animals, inappropriate peeing and pooping, and fire play or fire fascination. Although he probably will NOT go this far in his behavior, almost all serial killers displayed all three of those behaviors a nd they are considered a big ASAP to get professional help, a nd lots of it early. He is still young. Please don't let him down.

    Hugs for your hurting heart and the hard place a stepmother always has with a defiant step child, but I really don't think he can help it. I think he is just t hat damaged from early life. Crossing fingers that help works.
  4. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Suddenlystepmommy - Hello, just wanted to lend you my support. I haven't dealt with exactly what you have, my advice is going to be keep documenting everything, try video recording it as well( without him knowing it). I swear by this because it shows what sets them off, when they are happy, sad, mad, violent , the switching of moods etc. I agree with everything Somewhere said, your in my thoughts. Hugs
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There is a parent-generated report format on this site (I think susiestar keeps the link in her signature, or she used to). You may find it useful as a starting point, to capture all sorts of documentation that professionals are going to need to help with this child. The more you can capture, the better. It's hard to remember it all when you go to see professionals, and they don't have time to listen to you tell it all - but a written report comes in handy.