Delusional Kanga

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 18, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    There is a part of me that feels sorry for her, but most of me just wants to

    :rollingpin:


    husband visited her yesterday and the first 45 minutes she was an insulting prima donna and actually told her father - to his face - that she is 16 and has needs and we should stop trying to control her sex life. Seriously? husband almost left 30 minutes into the visit but I think he was too tired from the drive up there to turn around and head home. The last 30 minutes of the visit she spent showing husband all her hair styling magazines :wince:

    Today, she was going on and on about how her job coach is working really hard to find her an off-campus job. I said I was surprised that they were willing to assign a 1:1 staff to escort her to an off-campus job when she already has an on-campus job. She said' "oh no, they just drop me off". When I reminded her that she requires 'eyesight supervision' she got belligerant and tried to argue that she has decided that she isn't going to be on eyesight anymore. After several attempts to redirect, she shouted at me, so I told her enough, goodbye and hung up.

    I pray that the transfer to the new facility comes through quickly. I need her out of that Residential Treatment Center (RTC), into one with more normal expectations and farther away from us. If we can get her moved this semester, I would likely have just one last visit to her current Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and 4-5 visits to the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and then DONE DONE DONE!
     
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm right there with you... Just drop her off? Oh, yeah. GREEEAAATTTT idea.
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ahhh, J, I'm sorry...you guys have worked so hard and nothing seems to be working for this kid.

    God bless the two of you for doing all of this for so long...you've got to be soooo tired. Many gentle hugs for you all.

    Beth
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    She really has no clue of reality, does she? Adult life after seh refuses to accept help on any terms except those with no expectations of her in any regard is going to be very hard for her. Sure, she will find some people who want to help her and pity her because she "clearly" has "awful" "abusive" parents, but they won't stick around long because she will abuse them too.

    What is scary about the situation is that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she is in may actually be talking about getting on off campus job for her and not supervising her while she is there - or anywhere else in any effective manner. These people do not seem to understand the type of problems that their residents have, or they think that all teens are like them (and they are NOT), either way it is just not a good place for her to be. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this.
     
  5. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I hope that the transfer to a new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) happens quickly.

    I think your husband did great. I would have walked out after the 'you are ruining my sex life' comments. You are strong warrior parents:warrior:
     
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hope that transfer comes through quickly!

    Hugs and strength for you and husband.
     
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I hope that the transfer comes soon.

    Pam
     
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We REALLY need the head banging icon back.

    I just spoke with Kanga and, using a technique from previous family therapy, just said "change the subject" anytime she tried to start in on her rants. At one point she asked me if I did something in high school and I told her no and she called me a liar - goodbye, and I hung up. That's twice in two calls that I have had to end the call. husband dealt with her last night and I think he ended the call too.

    Still no word from possible new Residential Treatment Center (RTC)...but since it is a holiday, I didn't expect to hear anything today.
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    JJJ,

    Has anyone ever suggested with Kanga that you tell her you are writing things she says down? Our therapist suggested that with Dude, and it worked wonders for his reality check. DF kept a calendar on the wall, and when Dude would say something "outrageous" about his day to day life or situation DF would tell him he was going to go write that down. Then repeat back to him what he said. The next time they talked, and Dude would come up with something off the wall? DF would say "Wait a minute remember Tuesday you said XXX? I do because I wrote down and repeated back to you what you said and you confirmed it remember?" This went on for about six months - and it was hard on us all and it usually ended up in Dude being frustrated and hanging up on us, or calling us liars - but eventually we started getting the truth out of conversations, AND we had to do the same thing when he was home - THAT was so much fun - FOLLOW him everywhere and tell him why we were following him - because he couldn't be trusted. UGH.

    I'm so sorry for you and husband - you guys have really, really gone the xtra mile and then some with her. I'm just sending hugs.....For all 3 of you!
     
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Star -- we do repeat back her outrageous statements back to her immediatelty -- and even though we are mere seconds away from the words coming out of her mouth -- she denies it.

    The GOOD NEWS is that the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) does have an open bed for a girl :) So now we are waiting for the paperwork to get to the right people so we can do an interview and if they accept her, schedule the move! It looks like she could be moved within 2 weeks.

    Keep praying!!!
     
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    All pretzelled up and praying!!! I hope that it works out nad is a much better place for her. I bet she has a cow - make the staff deal with it!!!!She thinks she is going to get all these freedoms and new things and won't want to move, but tough noogies. She needs a better place if she is to have even a prayer.
     
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Our local case worker (who I LOVE) said we aren't going to tell Kanga or current Residential Treatment Center (RTC) until everything is set. She said we are going to give current Residential Treatment Center (RTC) 5-7 days notice of the move so that she can say goodbye and they can do the discharge staffing. She is getting very frustrated with this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (she has 3 clients there right now) and is in the process of filing a complaint about their lack of support for the parent-child relationship and their issues with not holding the kids accountable for their choices.

    Kanga may be thrilled about this move. We are going to sell it to her as being an answer to her request to be moved to a TLC not affiliated with current Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has two girls 'cottages' - one is traditional Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and one is TLP. She would start at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) cottage and then could earn her way over to the TLP. I will have no objections as this TLP provides 24/7 supervision (unlike the old Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s TLP where the kids come and go without staff). Course, I won't tell Kanga that the TLP has supervisison :)

    Ideally, she will be in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) cottage for about 6 months and then move to the TLP for 9-12 months and then into independent living. I'm hoping that the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) calls me tomorrow afternoon!!!!
     
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Fingers crossed, and everything else for Kanga and you, and everyone! Sounds ideal!
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Fingers crossed and I am all pretzelled up!! This current placement does NOT sound like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but more like a camp with school and therapy. The new one sounds like what she really needs. Can you add documentation to the caseworker's report?
     
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JJJ,

    fingers crossed that you get that call this afternoon - positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts..........
     
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Sounds promising...Good luck!!!
     
  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I spoke with the admissions rep. He said that he got her application and is processing it and that it will take about a week before they decide if they want to interview her. Then another week or so to decide if they want to admit her. A far cry from the 2-day process they advertise.

    I didn't get a great feeling talking to him but I really liked the admissions counselor at the current place. I've learned that the admit person doesn't work directly with the kids so they often aren't a good measure as, once admitted, you never talk to them again.

    I had bad info about their TLP. They do get to come and go as they please, but he did say that she would have to start at the beginning of their level system and earn her way all the way up before she could move from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to TLP. He was horrified at the idea that she continues to sneak away from staff and said that as long as her protection plan remained in effect, she would not be able to do it in their small environment.

    Hopefully they feel they can help her. I'm not very patient about waiting another week...but it is far better than 3 years ago when we waited with her at home for the first admission.
     
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Keeping my fingers crossed as well, JJJ. Hope the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) makes a decision soon.
     
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear! I don't see any changes here. How frustrating and sad. Fingers crossed!
     
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