Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Dixies_fire, Jun 18, 2013.

  1. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Hmm where to start.

    Tk has decided to stay with her dad. Or her dad has convinced her to stay which amounts to the same thing. She is going to visit her grand mother in alabama coincidentally enough the weekend that her and boyo were supposed to come stay with me.
    Boyo is still coming, he misses me and hubs and has asked continuously since he's been there for us and has called hubs daddy and its p*ssing ex off at me. Although I have corrected him before and said he can only call hubs step daddy. But hubs has been with him since he was a year and a half years old has fed him changed him helped potty train him bathed him played ball with him, and ex for many reasons hasn't, mostly distance but other reasons too.
    I'm not making a big issue of it because right now that might be the best place for her, tk. (Badly worded paragraph)
    Got some paperwork for her from the insurance company and I'm going to try to get her testing done before we leave here.
    Going to try to get boyo in pre k if we are still here. I don't know we have no further information.

    The truck that we are trying to sell the battery died so we can't sell it no one is calling right now anyway. Have to get some money in before we can buy a new battery.

    The letter we sent off two weeks ago we received a letter saying our application has been received for the veterans bonus and they are reviewing the supporting documentation we sent. They weren't terrible specific about what documents to send so we sent deployment and active duty orders without bothering his commander.

    Ohio child support services that we spoke to less than a month ago sent us a letter asking for all his payment information again. When we spiked to them last they told us we didn't owe anything and they were holding the money he has paid since December in case ex wife got custody back. Which as of Sunday she did not have custody back. They implied last time there was a distinct possibility we would get that money back or at least they would quit taking money until they decided what to do with it. He says he will call tomorrow and I hope he doesn't make me nag the hell out of him. I was desperately hoping when I saw both the envelopes in the mail box today that at least one would be a check. It caused a few tears on my part that it wasn't, which I think hurt hubs feelings that I was so upset, he feels like these things are all his fault.

    We desperately need to catch up a bill or two and the nest egg fund remains empty for our flight from here whenever that is....

    My mom who is in Georgia has broken her shoulder, difficult child adult sister is not helping her and has stolen mom's pain pills mom doesn't have co pay to see orthopedic surgeon until next month.

    My brother who has always been the successful one who by the way owes my mom money from when she had money after my dad died. Well anyway he's working for the tiniest percentage of what he ordinarily makes $13.00 an hour versus upwards of $60 grand a year and considers himself lucky to have a job at all.

    We got a copy of hubs medical records today and officially he was diagnosed schizophrenic affective disorder, psychosis, personality disorder without agoraphobia (which I disagree with as getting him out of the house is a chore) pre hypertensive, alcoholism in remission, nicotine dependency, deviated septum acquired, oh half a dozen other things.
    But no medication board!!!! Seemingly at least, I am so angry! Apparently this happens at ft Carson quite often as it made the news and a sgt is being discharged dishonorably who has full blown PTSD who durn near killed his wife. But I ask what does the army expect when they aren't treating the mental disease? Do they expect the soldier to just be hunky dory with kids and wife? We as veterans are dangerous people walking around with demons in our heads, not healthy for our families.

    I have had a very hard time sleeping this week, have been sleeping in the day which isn't good for me or the baby or hubs as I am the one who keeps the house functioning.

    We managed to buy everything we needed and had money left over but a stop payment I put in on my car payment which is over paid at present went through anyway and they have frozen the account till they get their head out of their butt. Another words who knows when and will they fix it?

    Sorry to be glum but this is what's going on in my world.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have no answers but am sending caring and supportive hugs your way. Sounds like you are in a lose/lose situation and sadly I have no suggestions on how to dig out from the problems. I'm really sorry. DDD
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dixie, geez, you have so much 'stuff' going on............I'm sorry, no big ideas here, just sending some gentle, caring hugs and saying a prayer for you and your family............xoxoxoxo
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will get sorted out.

    As for lil guy calling hubs Daddy...........ex can go blow up a rope. It is normal for the lil guy to do so. Hubs is filling that role for him full time, ex is not. It's perfectly fine for lil guy to have 2 daddies who love him. Know what I mean?? And for Tk, grass is always greener on the other side and she just may be needing the break...........and to figure that out for herself.

    You can sell the truck without a battery. Do it "as is" but when they come look at it tell them to byob (bring your own battery lol ). Bad joke, sorry. Does it need charged or a new battery all together??

    Since you're trying to pack to move about a yard sale or putting things up online to sell that you no longer want/need?? Gives you some extra cash to work with and would be less for you to pack. Moving was always the time I reduced clutter in the household..........reduced heck, I just sold/tossed it all. Fred and I moved about every 3-4 yrs. Give a shout out to local freecycle and see if you can get a battery that at least works. Or go to a local church and see if they can help you, that is not a huge problem........could be a member has an old batter lying around or one in a truck that doesn't run he'll let you have. Know what I mean??

    I know it doesn't feel like it but you're doing good under the circumstances. You just hang in there. It will get sorted out.

    Prayers and ((((hugs)))))
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    You have so very much on your shoulders right now. I admire how you are coping. I know it doesn't feel at all like you are coping, much less coping well. You have not pulled the covers up and refused to get up and do anything for days on end. You are still opening the mail, feeding the baby, doing what you need to do to keep the house running. You are working to help your husband through this difficult time while you deal with your own PTSD and ongoing trauma (from dealing with all your husband is going through, the stuff with your ex, etc...).

    You are truly doing more than you give yourself credit for, and you are doing the best you can, which is pretty darn great even if you cannot see it.

    I am sorry things are so rough.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Dixie. That's an awful lot of bad juju for one person at one time. If TK wants to stay with her dad, then that is what she chooses, even at 8 years old. All you can do is be sure that they are all being watched.

    As for Boyo, I don't think I would tell him not to call your hubs "daddy". He IS his daddy. Your ex isn't there, and that's what happens when you're not there. If your ex was visiting continually, it would be different, but he should not expect such a young child to understand the subtleties of that.

    Your difficult child sister should not be stealing your mom's medications, but adults do it all the time. It's a felony, and someone should turn her in. Your mom's doctor won't prescribe if he knows that it's just going to a junkie without any recourse, and your mom needs the medications. If your mom won't turn her in, you should. Your sister may not even be using the medications, she may be selling and/or trading up.

    I'm holding good thoughts for you and your family that things will start to fall into place. Don't feel badly if you have to "nag" your hub to get phone calls made. He's ill and may not be able to do those things without your support. Don't think of it as nagging, it's support. He has that diagnosis now, and if he really can't make those calls that you need, see if he will give you a temporary POA to make those calls. It shouldn't be this hard - although I know that the VA is impossible...
  7. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I've sold quite a bit of things I had two garage sales in the month of may and sold several individual items made close to 400.00 paid a couple of bills or paid on them but mostly the money kept us afloat, food, diapers, gas, a 99 cent movie rental or two, wasn't much to save but it did help a lot. Kept me busy, kept us from snapping each others heads off because of the money situation. I have a few more items that could go but aren't selling.
    I wish I could pack up the house right now truthfully I would be busy, busy equals good. But the way the army does it, they pack it all and take inventory as they pack so if things get broken they will pay for it. The most I can do and am doing all be it slowly is organizing cleaning, throwing away.

    Yes the battery is dead dead. We took it to oreilly's and had them test it because it had died again and we thought something might have happened to the truck to make it keep draining. Nope just a bad battery which I guess is goodish news. We need that truck to go for 3000 I don't think anyone would buy it without it starting. It's definitely worth that money with all the man goodies inside it, to duplicate that would truck would take over 7000 just I'm parts alone.

    As for tk, it breaks my heart. Other then training and deployment she always has lived with me. But her dad is easier to get along with, less anal retentive more inclined to see her positives. And whether I like to admit it or not training and deployment took a toll on our bond, he did it all for her then and that's more what she remembers. I joined the army when she was 4 most of her solid memories are from when I was in the army working 12 hour days, gone for months at a time. And her dad isn't as stressed as I am. His girlfriend is not a bad woman. He's not a bad man just... I want her to live up to her full potential and combat her very limited comfort zone. She needs to eat, care for herself, make friends, know how to talk to people, figure out how to be a good person who cares for others. I worry that her dad will accept the status quo and not try to teach her. I worry she will think I loved her less. Loved hubs or boyo or Gavin more than her.
    I think I just have to let it go and accept it. While some people may not agree she is 8 and while she may not understand what's best for her which I can not guarantee right now anyway, she can say what she prefers.

    If she stayed with me she would be looking at one more cross country move at least which might not be till after school has started again one more school at least transition of another new house maybe a couple before we were settled lots of hard ship. Boyo isn't in school and as long as mom and hubs are there that is home.

    This is my last day I'm allowing myself to stay in this funk. I will sit on my butt and do limited work. Tomorrow I will try to revive my spirit, get up and find work to do on the house.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Nichole is getting 20.00 for a 5 gallon bucket of that homemade laundry soap. Seriously. She has orders piling up...........she had to go out and pick up more supplies. And she just posted her add like yesterday or the day before. It's a thought. Dunno if that is doable for you. A lot of people would love to use it but don't have the time to make it. Know what I mean?? At 20.00 per 5 gal they're still saving a lot of money but you're getting plenty of profit too. Win/win.

    In fact. I may start doing it as well, except we have one or two ladies already doing it.........and folks here are hurting to the point they're now learning for themselves because it is even cheaper.

    Just thought it might let you bring in a little extra to maybe cover the cost of a battery. (I dunno what they cost, haven't bought one in ages)
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Whatever the future holds... if you re-read your posts on this thread, it sounds like one way or the other, the next 6+months of YOUR life are not what tk needs. She needs stability. The rest of it? Will have to be worked out from there. Remember that YOU chose to offer her stability... you didn't "dump" her. Know what I mean??
  10. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Hound dog I put up an ad on my Facebook group I have a couple of nibbles I will let you know how it goes.

    Insane cde that is very true. I was yanked around the country at an older age and resented it. I'd rather her not have to go through it more than necessary.
  11. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I have no advice for you, but just wanted to let you know, that i'm so very sorry for all the hardship you have been facing and still are and that i do admire your spirit to go through all that very much.

    And about Tk. What you tell us, her dad is capable parent and in this point of time it may be best to you all, that she stays with her dad for now. And when you have some energy, you should probably start to plan, how you and her dad could best co-parent her and ensure her best possible success and understanding that she is very much loved by both her mom and dad, even if you will have to do that through great distance.
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    And while your head knows you are offering tk stabilty I'm sure your heart is breaking. Sure wish I could hug you and take some of the stress away.

    You could report your sister for elder abuse. Here is a web site about it

    I have this booklet that has helped me through difficult child 1's leaving for weeks on end. I found it on the web.