Dent in car ...ideas please

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by buddy, May 26, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Q often runs into my car too hard, jumps on it, kicks it, etc. Makes me sick but I have had to stop fighting about it or he hits me, it is so compulsive at this point I go nuts. Anyway this time he really did make a dent. My first dent. It is a nice car (for me) and my first new car, fully paid for (yes it is a 2004 Sebring LXI, all leather interior, some upgrades, and I bought it new in 2006 for a great price since it was not selling and they of course wanted new cars there. It had 50 test drive miles, now has ONLY 45 thousand because until now I barely drive far from our town. Have only been on two trips, so it is the ONE thing I have. Already a window does not operate well from his pounding on it and I actually have clear duct tape on it to keep the little gap from letting water in. So I am feeling blue, I know it i s a THING but it is such a symbol of how much more difficult things are becoming, I have NOTHING nice anymore.

    Ok that is a whine but on the rear panel just behind and above the tire area there is a dent. You could get toit from the trunk if I knew how to take the inside part of the trunk apart. I tried a plunger but it wont suction due to the unevenness of it.

    How can I get a dent out without paying a fortune??? It looks like you could pop it back but maybe not.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Don't they sell those little kits that sort of work like a plunger (but it has a suction cup) and "pulls" the den out?? I remember seeing them on tv at one time. I dunno if they've since went back off the market or not.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    really?? I will google it.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I am going to suggest two things. Maybe more as my mind thinks here.....Dentless repairs do exist. The thing hound is talking about does exist - and sometimes do work - but sometimes if you do NOT know anything about body work? You can end up making a bigger mess - You pull a dent out here......<------ and you get a pucker, or crease -----> there. It's the vacuum theory. A lot of times with small dents and in my experience of having pulled out a lot of dents there are literally tools that look like hmmm what do they look like - HUGE METAL shoes? That you have to put on the inside of the part of the car that has the dent while you suction out or work the metal out. Push and pull - not just pull. And slowly - so my first suggestion IF you like your car - take it to a dentless paintless repair place. They exist and it's a lot cheaper than you'd think.

    Next? Q and his temper. He's got a right to be angry. Does he know this? Has anyone literally sat him down and said - know what??? WE ALL GET ANGRY. WE GET PO'd, WE GET STEAMING MAD, WE GET SO ANGRY SOME TIMES we cant think. BUT.......there needs to be an outlet for you - so that when you feel certain ways - you can go to that place and it's OKAY to behave a certain way - and NOT get into trouble. HITTING and DENTING Mom's car from now on? Is going to get you into BIG trouble. Then lay out your consequences. And.....stick to them - no matter how hard it is....if it's SITTING in the corner for five minutes and re-direct - re-direct - redirect - for six hours until you are BOTH exhausted and falling apart - until he ACTUALLY sits in the corner for FIVE lousy minutes - for harming the car? THEN - you do that. Sounds ridiculolus....and it sounds more like you "win" but -------It's a learning process. I got angry, I dented the car - and MY MOM??? She made me sit in the corner for five minutes. Now it took her six hours to get me to do it......BUT I sat there for five minutes. (This is a Dude scenario all over) and over.......and over.......and bloody well over for like MONTHS. And It took me about a year and a half -just to get him to sit in a corner for five minutes - and he was about ten. And yes - I was worn completely out. And he wore me so far out - I didn't know if I could care about him sitting in a corner ever.....BUT - point is - WHEN he got a consequence from me - at age 12 ? And I said - YOU NOW have five minutes in the corner - HE sat in the corner. It wasn't MUCH of a punishment - but it was a start. AND he got anger manaement techniques in the mean time from SOMEONE other than me.

    Some of them were phenominal - some of them (in my humble opinion) were lame as Christmas in July - Some of them were scary - (yeah give my kid a ball bat and tell him to go pound sand) BRILLIANT - (look out window) OH golly I think he missed the sand......cause he's pounding the side of the garage! (groan) Who told him he could have a bat? Uh huh? Uh huh? YOu told him to beat the ground? Well now he's beating his bicycle to smitherines. Uh huh....Uh huh....GO GET THE BAT? Yeah you come here doctor and get the bat......NOT HAPPENING. Uh huh? Let him cool down.....Maybe ..if I have anything left. OH Lord now the fence.....gotta go.

    So yeah some of the theories didn't play out well ......BUT At times I thought they were good.....And punching bags, and things like that - well - the Karate lessons seemed like a good constructive outlet - but sigh - they were not good for him.....FOR ME They were GREAT....Pounded the poo out of 1/2 my class - so aggressive no one wanted to be my partner. BUT......another time another story. He's got to get an outlet for the anger - maybe when he's angry you redirect him and say "OK I see you're getting angry " LETS GO FOR A WALK .......and you just let him walk - fast and hard.......not with you but in front of you..........or he goes outside and pulls weeds, (not flowers), or does something that he wants to do to burn off energy. For Dude? It was going for a walk. ALONE. Getting out of the house - and we let him go. Our deal was he had to come back and talk about it - can NOT allow Q to continue to destroy your property - because the obvious is going to continue - he's going to take his anger out one someone elses property and end up in jail. He's not going to be able to disseminate between the two when he's angry - and eventually he'll bust out someones windshield or kick a door or a tail light and get arrested for vandalism. NOT a pretty charge.

    Just my thoughts - but anger management techniques and therapy is a great outlet - even now - it could help him put his anger in check.....and maybe it's just reading a book or drawing wildly in a coloring book.....but it can NOT be him beating the poo out of your car. and you going - I know it's wrong but.......and you taking classes at the local vocational school in body work. And I'm not judging - because I have the worlds most angriest kid ever. I swear by zeus I did.....or do....depends on the day - but he still uses the techniques they taught him - mostly. lol - just depends on the frontal cortex being engaged. Know what I mean?

    Hugs & Love
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'll check into the paintless dent thing, thanks Star!

    Re: anger management. Thanks for the ideas. Q has had time outs, groundings, removals, etc. and he accepts them. Q has every therapy under the book and he does time outs beautifully. THEY DO NO GOOD. For him it depends on the trigger, and some are only managed by letting his brain settle (seizures) or total silence to allow him to process options. He is still learning to identify what happens before he reaches that stage. We are working on it.

    The thing about THIS dent?? There was no anger. This is a transition issue. going from one thing to another. So he is leaving school doing well, has had a great day, comes out with TWO staff and giving and getting high fives, and then sees the car and bolts. He is on to the next thing, overwhelmed and just crashes his body into the car. Sometimes jumps on the car. Nothing has ever happened before so he didn't really connect the words we kept telling him about how the car would break. I didn't know until today and HE showed me what happened and said, is this why you said not to kick the car mom? I said right and now we will not be doing BK until I find a way to fix it and pay for it. I am saving the BK money for that. He was not happy but it is the only thing that made sense, the money has to come from somewhere. (I have to think of things that affect him but are not the end of the world or he WILL lose control and sorry, but no way my telling him to go settle down or go outside will work. Just no way. (and anyway since that isnot allowed at all right now due to this level of panic/fight/flight he is having is going on...that is not an option at home, or he just escalates outside--any attention is attention kind of situation--.he is just not able to process at those times, has to be dealt with once his brain is settled, THEN we can talk consequences).

    Anyway he said he was sorry and wont do it again, BUT with him once a behavior happens it often starts a pattern that he can't is done over and over....from small things like an extra hop on a stair to a word being said over a nd over (every time we turn into our complex he starts repeating over and over, in the same intonation every single time, JORDY (our cats name...CAT IS DEAD....but it is STUCK in his head). Only thing that changes it is to change part of the chain so I am asking the school people to dangle a reward, or offer a piggie back ride to the car and the door will be open already when he arrives so can climb in, etc. Once that is done several times the urge to jump, kick etc. will be gone. I have been through this a zillion times with him. I WISH to high heaven all those traditional time out, or else this or that will happen methods would work. I still do them, but they dont work. I just do them so he never gets the idea that what he is doing is OK, but it doesn't change the behavior. Lots of reasons for that and I have had to accept explinations from people who really get his kind of brain injury over time, but it is hard to LIVE it. Add the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and it can be a real trick.

    Once the urge to run at the car starts, my saying stop or X will happen will just cause a panic and he will knock me over. Just redirects the energy. Gotta get it before the sequence starts. sigh.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The suction cup thing... you have to make sure you get the one designed for autobody. (ya, I grew up with and live with gear-heads...) The autobody ones come in a set, so you can pick the size of suction that will work. Most other techniques require some level of SKILL...
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    SOrry Buddy -
    Maybe put the nice one in a garage and get the little mountain goat - a clunker car until it's safe to drive the nice car.???? I don't know. Or perhaps drive a tank? My x was big on pounding my cars when he got angry. I ended up getting good at body work - and when that finally got to be a mute point? I just drove the worst vehicle I could so it didn't matter. I've never understood that - But when Dude went to see him - he got a very nice car in trade for some work he did for someone - Had it for 2 weeks and X took a baseball bat and a knife to it. All those "STORIES" I told DF - and Dude overheard? -----reality. Mom not such a "story teller" after all - Even the junk yard guys asked Dude - WTH?

    Have you ever tried Q in something called play therapy? They did that with Dude when he was young at Mental Health and it was awesome.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was thinking about maybe getting a used tank If they can survive Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)'s they have to survive Q!
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I love that idea, thanks guys for the smile! Yes, that is next, a tank!!!!

    Q has been in play therapy but since he can't play at all....nothing back and forth anyway, even the adults gave up. What did help was called Theraplay....a very structured kind of play that takes two therapists and the parent, they video each step. It was intensive but I believe that is why we do have at least a level of a bond.

    I am so glad he is going to be starting this new social group because it is not just a social group, it is a therapeutic skill building group that works on behaviors. He will have a 1:1 along with the instructors and peers to work on feelings, moods, play skills, problem solving etc.
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though he has too much physical energy to sit still. I have to admit, when I was a kid I would have driven myself as a parent crazy. He's 15, and it's sad that it's summer time because there's no summer school teams. But, boy, it sounds as though he would do great with something like cross-country running. That's the one that pops into my head because it is a solitary thing where he's probably not going to "get into it" with a teammate or a coach, but it would plain old tucker him out. Team sports have the added bonus that if he likes it he has to maintain certain GPA and/or behavioral standards to remain. Same thing with Drama or Choir, but those are much more interactive, and might be a bit of a push.

    What about a boys and girls club? Church summer group that goes on outings? We were brought up Catholic but my mom sent me to Summer Bible School at the Methodist place because it got me out of the house and doing stuff. I think it's just a shame that there aren't parks and rec programs anymore. There's just nothing for kids to do.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Trust me - A Woody is about as close as you CAN get to a Tank. Then again - I did get a Willis. 1943 Willis. AWFULUST vehicle ever.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    My family had a '49 Dodge Woody. We had a vice grip permanently attached to the inside door handle to get in and out of the car. It smelled funny. In about 1964 we were so glad when someone fell asleep at the wheel and broadsided it in the middle of the night and we had to get a new car. Then "The Mod Squad" came out and we all moaned about missing "The Woody". lol! ;)