Depressing incident...but I need to post it for therapy

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Mar 20, 2010.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I haven't seen my son Scott for five years (see below). He will not call me back when I call him and we did have some words five years ago, but I apologized.

    I found out he has a baby who is 11 months old. My ex contacted him and he is willing to see my ex. My ex got to see our grandchild. Scott has not and will not contact me, his brother or his sister. I know it's silly because it's been five years, but I feel so bummed out all over again, especially because of the baby I will never know. I left a message on his voicemail because ex insisted that Scott said he'd like to hear from all of us. Ex hears what he wants to hear. He'd like all of us to get together again, but, the fact is, Scott and his wife will only talk to HIM and he had to work hard to get them to do it. With me, he won't answer the phone.

    My daughter, who Scott really hurt, said she will not call him. He has to call her first and then they can talk about why he dumped her and if they should have a relationship again, but, of course, he didn't call her.

    My other son doesn't even want to talk to him.

    Easter is ruined for me in a way. I know my ex will be seeing Scott and the baby after we all leave. I did tell him that his relationship with Scott is between him and Scott and to please never bring it up to me again as it is none of my business and is hurtful. He said he wouldn't.

    This isn't really for advice. I thought of sending his baby a present, but he didn't really want me to know about the baby or he would have called me, and it won't break the ice (don't argue please that it will not.) I have tried, but I guess the words we have will make him angry at me and my daughter and my son forever.

    I was pretty much over it until I heard about the baby. In my message that I left on my son's phone I told him I'd love to have a picture of his child, but got no answer.

    I just needed to vent. I'll get over it. Thankfully I'm in good therapy and have learned not to dwell on things I can not change.

    I hope I never do have to hear about Scott and his family again. Since there is nothing I can do to change anything and since I know he is financially set and happily married, there is no reason for me to know anything more. Fortunately, I do not have to worry about his well being, which is a big relief since I can't see him.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am sorry your pain was been surfaced again. I hope you can deal with it in a therapeutic way. I think you were at acceptance and just hearing this put you 2 steps back. I know you will work hard to get those 2 steps back - but I am sorry you have to.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sending a gentle {{{hug}}} to you... so sorry you are hurting.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry you had to hear this. It would be devastating to know of a grandchild you cant be apart of their lives. Such a pity and a loss for that child.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    hugs. This is just so sad.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're hurting...many gentle hugs.
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I wish there was something to say to make you feel better, but I can't think of anything. Just know I am thinking of you tonight and will continue to do so.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm so sorry, P. What a shame. You've come a very long way. I'm proud of you.

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, that really did open it all up again. I'm glad you have a good therapist who can give you some insight and help.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry.
    I do hope that you can push through and find a way to enjoy Easter even with this difficulty going on.
    I too am glad you have a good therapist.
    Sending good thoughts.
  12. Thanks for sharing Midwest Mom!
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hang in there. Try to not let it engage you, or it will only hurt you deeper.

    What can't be changed must be endured. Sorry.

    But at the same time, don't ask anything of him, don't expect anything of him. Don't offer anything either - because for him to accept it, would be a gift to you and for whatever reason, he shouldn't be put in that position or it gives him more power to hurt you further.

    YOU know there is a lovely child in the world who wouldn't be here, if you hadn't given birth to him. It would be lovely for you to have a picture, but don't ask for one. Instead, visualise the grandchild for yourself. Maybe draw the face you think the child would have.

    There has been a lot of hurt caused, don't leave yourself or your current family open to more pain.


  14. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Nothing you will do can make anyone love you. Scott has been clear that he has moved away from his
    family and doesn't want anyone in his life that he doesn't choose to let in.
    As Marguerite says, "What can't be changed must be endured."
    I would send a card at Christmas letting him know the door is open and walk away. When his child starts to walk on his
    heart he may understand much more.
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's sad when those we love the most reject us. I'm sorry for you and I hope you can find some peace with this. I know this isn't the same, but I had no contact with my parents for about ten years because of the toxic relationship with dad's drinking. We did reconcile and to this day my dad and I share a close bond. Maybe some day his feelings will change.