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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 347913" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Pepperidge, I've seen what you describe in my difficult child 1 as well. In some ways it is because we made things too easy for him in the early years. Everything was such a struggle for him that in many ways it was easier just to do things for him, or to let him do only a little bit. </p><p></p><p>As with your difficult child, rewards only have limited mileage. I think the pain of doing the work so far outstrips the pleasure of whatever the reward is that he'd rather just do without the reward most times.</p><p></p><p>At the recommendation of difficult child 1's psychiatrist, we've been working on trying to externalize things for him. This goes contrary to so much of what we're told as parents, that we need to get our children to internalize proper behaviour, motivation, etc. But in difficult child 1's case, externalizing seems to work much better. It's not about what is "the right thing to do", or how difficult child 1 "should" feel about doing X or Y or Z, it's about the expectations of some external force, whether it's the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s rules, our rules, or expectations of society in general. We also focus a lot on what's in it for him.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if there's anything external that you can use to help motivate your difficult child, but I thought I'd mention it in case.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 347913, member: 3907"] Pepperidge, I've seen what you describe in my difficult child 1 as well. In some ways it is because we made things too easy for him in the early years. Everything was such a struggle for him that in many ways it was easier just to do things for him, or to let him do only a little bit. As with your difficult child, rewards only have limited mileage. I think the pain of doing the work so far outstrips the pleasure of whatever the reward is that he'd rather just do without the reward most times. At the recommendation of difficult child 1's psychiatrist, we've been working on trying to externalize things for him. This goes contrary to so much of what we're told as parents, that we need to get our children to internalize proper behaviour, motivation, etc. But in difficult child 1's case, externalizing seems to work much better. It's not about what is "the right thing to do", or how difficult child 1 "should" feel about doing X or Y or Z, it's about the expectations of some external force, whether it's the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s rules, our rules, or expectations of society in general. We also focus a lot on what's in it for him. I don't know if there's anything external that you can use to help motivate your difficult child, but I thought I'd mention it in case. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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