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Desperate--Advice on divorce and ...Update
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 48674" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>What childcare arrangements does he have in place? Did he and</p><p>his wife have a sitter or nanny that they both agreed was good?</p><p></p><p>Consistent care and stability is of crutial importance as the first three years really determine much of the childs future</p><p>behavioral and emotional attachment issues. It is really hard</p><p>to be objective when involved in a potentially ugly divorce. The</p><p>financial issues only matter in relation to safety and stability.</p><p>A child that grows up in an efficiency apartment can flourish for</p><p>a lifetime while a child in a million dollar mansion can end up a</p><p>mess.</p><p></p><p>As a formerly divorced Mom and an experienced GAL who had to adhere to the "best interests of the child" this is my advice:</p><p>1. Do NOT allow yourself to get sucked into the emotion. Your</p><p>daughter in law can, and most likely will, remember anything you say or do that is negative. IF they get back together you will be excluded</p><p>from their family. IF they get divorced she will not want you to</p><p>be near the child.</p><p>2. Do keep a record of what is going on and encourage your son to do so too.</p><p>3. Be supportive but keep your role in mind. During a time of crisis it is easy to revert to the Mom role, and that is only</p><p>partially appropriate.</p><p>4. Support your son in his choice of attorney and follow every</p><p>suggestion the attorney gives as he will be the lead player.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry your family has to face this pain. As someone else</p><p>posted, the insertion of a clause to prevent relocation at a distance is a good idea....my Ex threw that clause in at the last</p><p>minute for our divorce. I accepted reduced chid support just so</p><p>he couldn't control where I lived (even though I stayed in the</p><p>same community by choice).</p><p></p><p>Sending supportive hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 48674, member: 35"] What childcare arrangements does he have in place? Did he and his wife have a sitter or nanny that they both agreed was good? Consistent care and stability is of crutial importance as the first three years really determine much of the childs future behavioral and emotional attachment issues. It is really hard to be objective when involved in a potentially ugly divorce. The financial issues only matter in relation to safety and stability. A child that grows up in an efficiency apartment can flourish for a lifetime while a child in a million dollar mansion can end up a mess. As a formerly divorced Mom and an experienced GAL who had to adhere to the "best interests of the child" this is my advice: 1. Do NOT allow yourself to get sucked into the emotion. Your daughter in law can, and most likely will, remember anything you say or do that is negative. IF they get back together you will be excluded from their family. IF they get divorced she will not want you to be near the child. 2. Do keep a record of what is going on and encourage your son to do so too. 3. Be supportive but keep your role in mind. During a time of crisis it is easy to revert to the Mom role, and that is only partially appropriate. 4. Support your son in his choice of attorney and follow every suggestion the attorney gives as he will be the lead player. I am sorry your family has to face this pain. As someone else posted, the insertion of a clause to prevent relocation at a distance is a good idea....my Ex threw that clause in at the last minute for our divorce. I accepted reduced chid support just so he couldn't control where I lived (even though I stayed in the same community by choice). Sending supportive hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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