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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 449542"><p>Two responses:</p><p></p><p>1) Aside from all of the ADD treatment issues, the gravity of which I entirely respect, you need to handle his apparent outright refusal to agree with any course of action, school-wise, that you present to him. It's your house, not his, and this needs to be underscored. I'll leave it to the Moms on this forum to advise you about this, except to say that with a difficult child, this sort of outright refusal to comply with (entirely reasonable) parental authority is not to be tolerated. An inch becomes a mile very quickly in circumstances like this. Yes, there are very serious ADD treatment issues here, but there's also a very simple parental authority issue here as well. Blank refusal to do as told is, in my opinion, not to be tolerated and needy of emphatic response, especially with a difficult child in the early going.</p><p></p><p>2) Not all therapeutic boarding school experiences generate positive outcomes. My difficult child nephew went this route and came home 8 months later just as bad as before, but more wily and skillful about feigning "recovery." Many of them are simply corrals for teen difficult children, where they learn as much or more from each other as they do from the therapeutic staff and teachers. </p><p></p><p>A question for other parents of difficult children, indirectly touching upon this thread: what do you do about the druggy peers who are instrumental in influencing your difficult child toward the darkness? I've often thought about cornering them, one by one as they come by to visit the difficult child, with this declaration: "Look, my kid is obviously smoking pot and getting into trouble, and he seems to be doing this in league with you. Let me be very clear: if I have even the slightest hint that you are involved in his drug use, either as supply or as cohort, I will do all I can to bring you to the attention of the authorities--period. I'm not playing--if you can't deal with this, best to stay away." The difficult child will hate you for this, of course, but he's going to claim to (or sincerely) hate you anyway for anything you do to combat his descent, and in my opinion it's a pitched battle with the forces within him and without him that can lead him to ruin or even death, and I'm not inclined to leave any weapon on the shelf for the life of my child. </p><p></p><p>I anticipate a lot of dissent on this, and that's OK. I do know that if my sister had done this, her property would've stopped being a gathering place for the worst kids in town and at least a few of them would've pulled away, in whole or part, from their unhelpful relationships with her son. YMMV.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 449542"] Two responses: 1) Aside from all of the ADD treatment issues, the gravity of which I entirely respect, you need to handle his apparent outright refusal to agree with any course of action, school-wise, that you present to him. It's your house, not his, and this needs to be underscored. I'll leave it to the Moms on this forum to advise you about this, except to say that with a difficult child, this sort of outright refusal to comply with (entirely reasonable) parental authority is not to be tolerated. An inch becomes a mile very quickly in circumstances like this. Yes, there are very serious ADD treatment issues here, but there's also a very simple parental authority issue here as well. Blank refusal to do as told is, in my opinion, not to be tolerated and needy of emphatic response, especially with a difficult child in the early going. 2) Not all therapeutic boarding school experiences generate positive outcomes. My difficult child nephew went this route and came home 8 months later just as bad as before, but more wily and skillful about feigning "recovery." Many of them are simply corrals for teen difficult children, where they learn as much or more from each other as they do from the therapeutic staff and teachers. A question for other parents of difficult children, indirectly touching upon this thread: what do you do about the druggy peers who are instrumental in influencing your difficult child toward the darkness? I've often thought about cornering them, one by one as they come by to visit the difficult child, with this declaration: "Look, my kid is obviously smoking pot and getting into trouble, and he seems to be doing this in league with you. Let me be very clear: if I have even the slightest hint that you are involved in his drug use, either as supply or as cohort, I will do all I can to bring you to the attention of the authorities--period. I'm not playing--if you can't deal with this, best to stay away." The difficult child will hate you for this, of course, but he's going to claim to (or sincerely) hate you anyway for anything you do to combat his descent, and in my opinion it's a pitched battle with the forces within him and without him that can lead him to ruin or even death, and I'm not inclined to leave any weapon on the shelf for the life of my child. I anticipate a lot of dissent on this, and that's OK. I do know that if my sister had done this, her property would've stopped being a gathering place for the worst kids in town and at least a few of them would've pulled away, in whole or part, from their unhelpful relationships with her son. YMMV. [/QUOTE]
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