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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 449547"><p>It is really a hard call... I can relate to your dilemma. My son also went to a wilderness program when he was 15 and they also recommended a therapeutic boarding school. The one we found was quite a distance from home and he was very upset by our choice although we felt from what we knew it was the best place for him. And in many ways I think it was. However he was very angry at us for sending him and I am not sure he has forgiven us for that decision. However his drug use was at a point when he went to wilderness that he would try anything so I am not sure he would have lived through coming back home and I am sure now that he would have immediately gone back to his old ways after wilderness.</p><p></p><p>He did learn a lot at wilderness and at at the TBS although our relationship was not great. After 16 months at the TBS he graduated the program. Some feel at that point that the kids should go to yet another boarding school. We really felt at the time that he needed to be able to come home, to know he had a place here, he had worked hard, graduated the program and was now almost 17 so we felt he had to be a big part of that decision. He wanted to come home and come back tot he same HS. In hindsight that may have been a mistake but it may not have been. I really can't tell you. He did great the first 6 months and started to slide but was still doing ok for about another 3 months... then things really started to go downhill. When he was a senior he got expelled, and by June we did end up having to kick him out of the house. Things got worse and you can see my story in other posts.</p><p></p><p>So did we do the right thing? I have no idea at this point. I kind of think no matter what we did we would have ended up in a similar place. Because like others have said an addict, and a troubled kid, really doesn't get better until they decide they want to!! On the other hand I think our taking action may have prevented him from really serious drug use earlier... it forced him to be clean during some of those formative years and in the long run that may make a difference... and I don't think he would have survived the path he was on when we first sent him to wilderness. At this point he is 19, out of our house, on probation, and doing ok I think.</p><p></p><p>So all I can say is listen to your gut, you know your son and there is no one answer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 449547"] It is really a hard call... I can relate to your dilemma. My son also went to a wilderness program when he was 15 and they also recommended a therapeutic boarding school. The one we found was quite a distance from home and he was very upset by our choice although we felt from what we knew it was the best place for him. And in many ways I think it was. However he was very angry at us for sending him and I am not sure he has forgiven us for that decision. However his drug use was at a point when he went to wilderness that he would try anything so I am not sure he would have lived through coming back home and I am sure now that he would have immediately gone back to his old ways after wilderness. He did learn a lot at wilderness and at at the TBS although our relationship was not great. After 16 months at the TBS he graduated the program. Some feel at that point that the kids should go to yet another boarding school. We really felt at the time that he needed to be able to come home, to know he had a place here, he had worked hard, graduated the program and was now almost 17 so we felt he had to be a big part of that decision. He wanted to come home and come back tot he same HS. In hindsight that may have been a mistake but it may not have been. I really can't tell you. He did great the first 6 months and started to slide but was still doing ok for about another 3 months... then things really started to go downhill. When he was a senior he got expelled, and by June we did end up having to kick him out of the house. Things got worse and you can see my story in other posts. So did we do the right thing? I have no idea at this point. I kind of think no matter what we did we would have ended up in a similar place. Because like others have said an addict, and a troubled kid, really doesn't get better until they decide they want to!! On the other hand I think our taking action may have prevented him from really serious drug use earlier... it forced him to be clean during some of those formative years and in the long run that may make a difference... and I don't think he would have survived the path he was on when we first sent him to wilderness. At this point he is 19, out of our house, on probation, and doing ok I think. So all I can say is listen to your gut, you know your son and there is no one answer. [/QUOTE]
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