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desperately need advice....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 42968" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Tell the caseworker. As she said, they know the rules. You chose not to tell them, you had your reasons for this, do you think that if you had told them that the visit would not have taken place? or would difficult child have been ordered to lie to you about it? Frankly, I would be even more concerned about instructing difficult child to lie about it.</p><p></p><p>Talk to the caseworker about it and see if there is any way she can keep your involvement out of it - sometimes careful questioning by the caseworker can produce results that keep you in the clear. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, you can always use the same 'dumb insolence' in turn, if difficult child's bio-family get narky about you telling them. You look wide-eyed and say, "But I was just chatting to case worker about what a lovely visit difficult child had ... surely there was nothing wrong?" </p><p>If they say, "Yes there was," that is a clear admission that they knowingly broke the rules. If they say, "You know they said bio-mum couldn't visit," your response can be, "then you just admitted that you knew it too - so why did you break the rules?"</p><p></p><p>If they try to say, "But we didn't know," or "We forgot!" then you say, "Then I forgot too, when I was chatting to the case worker."</p><p></p><p>The case worker's job is to ensure that difficult child's welfare is always taken care of. Bio-family have their own agenda which does NOT have difficult child on the top. Maybe bio-mum's problems are connected with her parent's refusal to say "no" to her, and tell her to clean up her act and be responsible.</p><p></p><p>They have no possible excuse. They knowingly broke the rules. And if they claim they didn't know, then you can equally claim that you weren't dobbing, you were just chatting. After all, difficult child didn't hide it from you, she was open about answering your questions.</p><p></p><p>Your job is to ensure difficult child's welfare and safety are top priority. So think about what you should do, in those terms.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 42968, member: 1991"] Tell the caseworker. As she said, they know the rules. You chose not to tell them, you had your reasons for this, do you think that if you had told them that the visit would not have taken place? or would difficult child have been ordered to lie to you about it? Frankly, I would be even more concerned about instructing difficult child to lie about it. Talk to the caseworker about it and see if there is any way she can keep your involvement out of it - sometimes careful questioning by the caseworker can produce results that keep you in the clear. Anyway, you can always use the same 'dumb insolence' in turn, if difficult child's bio-family get narky about you telling them. You look wide-eyed and say, "But I was just chatting to case worker about what a lovely visit difficult child had ... surely there was nothing wrong?" If they say, "Yes there was," that is a clear admission that they knowingly broke the rules. If they say, "You know they said bio-mum couldn't visit," your response can be, "then you just admitted that you knew it too - so why did you break the rules?" If they try to say, "But we didn't know," or "We forgot!" then you say, "Then I forgot too, when I was chatting to the case worker." The case worker's job is to ensure that difficult child's welfare is always taken care of. Bio-family have their own agenda which does NOT have difficult child on the top. Maybe bio-mum's problems are connected with her parent's refusal to say "no" to her, and tell her to clean up her act and be responsible. They have no possible excuse. They knowingly broke the rules. And if they claim they didn't know, then you can equally claim that you weren't dobbing, you were just chatting. After all, difficult child didn't hide it from you, she was open about answering your questions. Your job is to ensure difficult child's welfare and safety are top priority. So think about what you should do, in those terms. Marg [/QUOTE]
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