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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 257822" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>ML, how old is SS? because I know how it is to not want to be home. Coming home from work I'd put off, go the long way, talk to a coworker, etc. Anything to avoid the acidy feeling in the pit of my stomach before I went home to a child who screamed if so much as asked to turn down the radio. The tension was - literally - VISIBLE. A friend stayed with us for a few weeks then went to see his girl for 3 weeks. When he came back through and the light had broken over difficult child 1 re biomom and he said it was like walking into an alternate universe.</p><p> </p><p>difficult children never thought of me as a replacement, or that I was trying. A psychologist asked difficult child 1 once what she thought her parents' biggest mistake was and she said, "getting married". I think she was 8 at the time! But the kids' biomom kept pushing that husband was "still in love" with her and trying to replace her. LOL - she still pulls this once in a while! But when husband and I got married the kids asked what they should call me. I told them, you choose as long as it's nice. So I get "Mama C", "Mom", "Mommy" and of course my first name. When I have overheard difficult child 1 talk to her friends, I am stepmom sometimes, and mom others. Guessing it's just easier.</p><p> </p><p>About that codependence, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I am sending you as many cyber hugs as I can. because I've been there too. It's not going right, so I must have messed up...? This child has so many other influences in his life, how could it possibly be your fault? Maybe if you were the only influence and kept him locked in a cage. And if he is a user, you might not see it. Users/abusers are very, very good at hiding it. It's like the Snuffleupagus in the living room. Somebody thinks it's there (Big Bird), but no one else can see it - directly. And then all the sudden THERE IT IS.</p><p> </p><p>I feel like I'm preaching to the choir here - as much great (!) advice as I have seen you give here - but then I also know that if everything in your life were perfect you wouldn't be able to. And sometimes no matter what your rational mind says, your emotions just don't get it!</p><p> </p><p>(((((HUGS))))) I'm thinking about you. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/pet.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":pet:" title="pet :pet:" data-shortname=":pet:" /> I can't find the hug smiley!!!!! Will this one work?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 257822, member: 6705"] ML, how old is SS? because I know how it is to not want to be home. Coming home from work I'd put off, go the long way, talk to a coworker, etc. Anything to avoid the acidy feeling in the pit of my stomach before I went home to a child who screamed if so much as asked to turn down the radio. The tension was - literally - VISIBLE. A friend stayed with us for a few weeks then went to see his girl for 3 weeks. When he came back through and the light had broken over difficult child 1 re biomom and he said it was like walking into an alternate universe. difficult children never thought of me as a replacement, or that I was trying. A psychologist asked difficult child 1 once what she thought her parents' biggest mistake was and she said, "getting married". I think she was 8 at the time! But the kids' biomom kept pushing that husband was "still in love" with her and trying to replace her. LOL - she still pulls this once in a while! But when husband and I got married the kids asked what they should call me. I told them, you choose as long as it's nice. So I get "Mama C", "Mom", "Mommy" and of course my first name. When I have overheard difficult child 1 talk to her friends, I am stepmom sometimes, and mom others. Guessing it's just easier. About that codependence, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I am sending you as many cyber hugs as I can. because I've been there too. It's not going right, so I must have messed up...? This child has so many other influences in his life, how could it possibly be your fault? Maybe if you were the only influence and kept him locked in a cage. And if he is a user, you might not see it. Users/abusers are very, very good at hiding it. It's like the Snuffleupagus in the living room. Somebody thinks it's there (Big Bird), but no one else can see it - directly. And then all the sudden THERE IT IS. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir here - as much great (!) advice as I have seen you give here - but then I also know that if everything in your life were perfect you wouldn't be able to. And sometimes no matter what your rational mind says, your emotions just don't get it! (((((HUGS))))) I'm thinking about you. :pet: I can't find the hug smiley!!!!! Will this one work? [/QUOTE]
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