Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 628824" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi Stressbunny,</p><p> </p><p>Here's what worked/works for me - if you think it may be helpful, you can try it:</p><p> </p><p>There was a time when I really despised my son - that's not an easy sentence to write, and remembering a few years ago, when I felt that way all the time, is really painful.</p><p> </p><p>I found that journaling my feelings, writing it all out in a notebook I kept between my mattress & box spring (God forbid anyone read it!) was so cathartic. I poured out all my bile, my - can I say it - hatred - for him on those pages, and I even cried and cried. My husband is not a talker about emotions, so I poured my heart out to the pages. I've read the journal recently, and it's raw and honest. How is this about love? By doing this, I was able to keep a civil tongue in my mouth when I had to speak with him. I didn't feel like I had to give a verbal dump during our conversations to prove anything. I exhausted all my arguments in my journal, and had nothing left when we spoke. This may seem hypocritical, but it was helpful, because we've repaired our relationship somewhat, and he's come a long way. If I had said those things to him instead of writing them privately, it would've permanently destroyed our relationship. If I'd kept all those feelings inside, it would've sickened me for sure.</p><p> </p><p>Another thing that worked for me, was praying for him. Not initially - I was too hurt, and too mad to pray! But as time went on, I prayed that he would remember love, accept it, and return it. That he would have moments of clarity, and that he would heal. I prayed that I would have a sharp mind as well as a forgiving heart. I never wanted to return to my old ways of being stupid and gullible and "nice"; just that I would have the strength to get through each day!</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes also, the best you can do "with love" is to keep your distance. It's true. If seeing him and interacting with him is going to cause more angst, the best all around thing is to let it go, and let God. It doesn't mean you give up, but you have to have some distance for your sanity. Detaching with love can also mean loving yourself, too! If your relationship with your son always veers to the dysfunctional, you'll always be frustrated. There may come a day when you can interact in a healthy way, but until then, you have to respect and love yourself, as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 628824, member: 13882"] Hi Stressbunny, Here's what worked/works for me - if you think it may be helpful, you can try it: There was a time when I really despised my son - that's not an easy sentence to write, and remembering a few years ago, when I felt that way all the time, is really painful. I found that journaling my feelings, writing it all out in a notebook I kept between my mattress & box spring (God forbid anyone read it!) was so cathartic. I poured out all my bile, my - can I say it - hatred - for him on those pages, and I even cried and cried. My husband is not a talker about emotions, so I poured my heart out to the pages. I've read the journal recently, and it's raw and honest. How is this about love? By doing this, I was able to keep a civil tongue in my mouth when I had to speak with him. I didn't feel like I had to give a verbal dump during our conversations to prove anything. I exhausted all my arguments in my journal, and had nothing left when we spoke. This may seem hypocritical, but it was helpful, because we've repaired our relationship somewhat, and he's come a long way. If I had said those things to him instead of writing them privately, it would've permanently destroyed our relationship. If I'd kept all those feelings inside, it would've sickened me for sure. Another thing that worked for me, was praying for him. Not initially - I was too hurt, and too mad to pray! But as time went on, I prayed that he would remember love, accept it, and return it. That he would have moments of clarity, and that he would heal. I prayed that I would have a sharp mind as well as a forgiving heart. I never wanted to return to my old ways of being stupid and gullible and "nice"; just that I would have the strength to get through each day! Sometimes also, the best you can do "with love" is to keep your distance. It's true. If seeing him and interacting with him is going to cause more angst, the best all around thing is to let it go, and let God. It doesn't mean you give up, but you have to have some distance for your sanity. Detaching with love can also mean loving yourself, too! If your relationship with your son always veers to the dysfunctional, you'll always be frustrated. There may come a day when you can interact in a healthy way, but until then, you have to respect and love yourself, as well. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
Top