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Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629180" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>All you have to do is adopt a child to see the nature/nurture. Even the easy child adoptees resemble the ways and problems and pluses of biology. This is well known amongst those with adopted children. Even a great kid like Jumper had a very thoughtful, logical, kind bmother who reminds me so much of Jumper. Her athletic talent came from her biol dad and thankfully she did not inherit his criminality. In fact, he would probably be shocked and not happy that she is going to go into law enforcement.</p><p></p><p>Many adoptive parents talk about how, upon meeting their child's birthmother for the first time, their child, who has never seen his/her family walks, talks and even has gestures of the bio. family. That does not mean all kids will pick up the bad genes in a family. Jumper honestly got only the good, unless you consider her learning disabilities bad, which I don't. She has overcome that hump. I always felt that Sonic's birthmother or birthfather, although both rabid drug addicts, had lots of good in them behind the drug usage for Sonic to be such a nice kid. I mean, this is a young man everyne comments about to me...about how much they love him. Jumper gets a lot of that too, but Sonic even more. From Day One both Sonic and Jumper were told not to use drugs and that even drinking was a risk tot hem due to their family genetics and so far neither does either.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, I think my brother dodged the personality disordered gene, however he has many problems due to our upbringing and his chronic illness and has been in therapy longer than I have. I don't know why. Depression, low stress tolerance, impulsivity, etc. are all shown to be inherited. So can we blame ourselves for our genes?</p><p></p><p>Of course not. Every individual can still make life choices. Now somebody, say, who is born without a conscience will not care about others, and some of us are dealing with some of that. They lack the ability to care about others and don't normally feel unhappy with who they are. Interestingly enough, narcissists do go for help and sometimes want to change.</p><p></p><p>Antisocial pesonality disorder is a lack of conscience.</p><p></p><p>Narciccists do have a conscience. They just don't have empathy.</p><p></p><p>It is a slippery slope why we have difficult children, but for the most part our difficult children do resemble others in our DNA collection. Although I said that I've just read "In Sheeps Clothing" that was the wrong book...lol. I read "The Psychopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, PhD. Fantastic read if you want to know about antisocial personality disorder, what it is, why you get it, and about the brain of a person who has it. I do think my difficult child son has traits of it.</p><p></p><p>No place in the book or in any research I've ever read does it put the blame on Dad and Mom, although attachment disorder is mentioned in this book as a form of early Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in children.</p><p></p><p>There is litltle reason to blame ourselves for our adult children's decisions and many of them are just predisposed to getting into trouble. There are early signs of later trouble in kids (I've also researched this) and impulsisvity, risk taking, and a host of other traits that I would have to look up can denote trouble later on.</p><p></p><p>There is a predisposition in some to abuse drugs/alcohol, but your adult child, knowing this, does not have to make the decision to do either.</p><p></p><p>Warrior Moms, in no way should you ever blame yourselves for so many unknown factors. He could have inherited some traits that make his life hard from a great great grandfather you don't even know. I always think it's best to focus on the problem and not try to drive ourselves nuts trying to figure out what we did wrong.Chances are...nothing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 629180, member: 1550"] All you have to do is adopt a child to see the nature/nurture. Even the easy child adoptees resemble the ways and problems and pluses of biology. This is well known amongst those with adopted children. Even a great kid like Jumper had a very thoughtful, logical, kind bmother who reminds me so much of Jumper. Her athletic talent came from her biol dad and thankfully she did not inherit his criminality. In fact, he would probably be shocked and not happy that she is going to go into law enforcement. Many adoptive parents talk about how, upon meeting their child's birthmother for the first time, their child, who has never seen his/her family walks, talks and even has gestures of the bio. family. That does not mean all kids will pick up the bad genes in a family. Jumper honestly got only the good, unless you consider her learning disabilities bad, which I don't. She has overcome that hump. I always felt that Sonic's birthmother or birthfather, although both rabid drug addicts, had lots of good in them behind the drug usage for Sonic to be such a nice kid. I mean, this is a young man everyne comments about to me...about how much they love him. Jumper gets a lot of that too, but Sonic even more. From Day One both Sonic and Jumper were told not to use drugs and that even drinking was a risk tot hem due to their family genetics and so far neither does either. At any rate, I think my brother dodged the personality disordered gene, however he has many problems due to our upbringing and his chronic illness and has been in therapy longer than I have. I don't know why. Depression, low stress tolerance, impulsivity, etc. are all shown to be inherited. So can we blame ourselves for our genes? Of course not. Every individual can still make life choices. Now somebody, say, who is born without a conscience will not care about others, and some of us are dealing with some of that. They lack the ability to care about others and don't normally feel unhappy with who they are. Interestingly enough, narcissists do go for help and sometimes want to change. Antisocial pesonality disorder is a lack of conscience. Narciccists do have a conscience. They just don't have empathy. It is a slippery slope why we have difficult children, but for the most part our difficult children do resemble others in our DNA collection. Although I said that I've just read "In Sheeps Clothing" that was the wrong book...lol. I read "The Psychopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, PhD. Fantastic read if you want to know about antisocial personality disorder, what it is, why you get it, and about the brain of a person who has it. I do think my difficult child son has traits of it. No place in the book or in any research I've ever read does it put the blame on Dad and Mom, although attachment disorder is mentioned in this book as a form of early Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in children. There is litltle reason to blame ourselves for our adult children's decisions and many of them are just predisposed to getting into trouble. There are early signs of later trouble in kids (I've also researched this) and impulsisvity, risk taking, and a host of other traits that I would have to look up can denote trouble later on. There is a predisposition in some to abuse drugs/alcohol, but your adult child, knowing this, does not have to make the decision to do either. Warrior Moms, in no way should you ever blame yourselves for so many unknown factors. He could have inherited some traits that make his life hard from a great great grandfather you don't even know. I always think it's best to focus on the problem and not try to drive ourselves nuts trying to figure out what we did wrong.Chances are...nothing. [/QUOTE]
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