detatch, detatch,.......

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Apr 21, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    that's my new mantra. sooo easy child emailed and said to leave her alone etc. she'd been emailing me.ok np i didnt' respond.

    she didn't go to therapy this week, stated she didn't have a ride........ ahhh whatever!

    so therapist text me and said i'm really sorry yet i can't hold the appointment time anymore if she won't show. she's very sweet, just i can see her point.

    so she tried emailing easy child via facebook and ofcourse easy child didnt' email back.

    sunday's easter as we all know going to my stepfather's house with-kids....... my stepdaughter the nasty one who hates me is even going. easy child said she'd go odds are she won't show at our house........ by time i gave her.

    odds are even if she does show and sees stepdaughter who she hates and not to be mean yet i can see why she does i dont' like her either she'll probably leave.

    so easter will be rough i think. hoping not. she's just tanking. husband keeps saying she'll hit rock bottom than we'll hear from her.

    we'll c. i just wake up and say ok detatch each day. getting better at it, yet still having weak moments......

    as usual just sharing :)
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    and now she just called me to tell me she needs an appointment at a gynecologist. i agreed to cover medical. words cannot really explain what i think of this messed up kid lately

    and the fun begins...........
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yes i keep adding on. this is grose and i'm going to be blunt. her ex boyfriend the one in whom was the one i was freaking out over two years ago who she just dumped finally 6 mos ago called her to tell her he has hpv and she should get tested. how thoughtful of him. punk.

    so now i'm like ok i gotta take her to the gyn, she isnt' living with me, will have to pay for medications. etc. this doesnt' feel like a healthy detatch yet i agreed to cover medical. what can i do not have her go? she hasnt' been to gyn in a while anyway and let's face it she's had sex and seems as though it's unprotected.

    it's unreal, the talks about sex, safety i even sat on websites wtih her to show her the reprecussions i didn't want her to just hear it from me i showed her pics and all. wanted to drive it home. yet another lesson in one ear and out another huh..

    just had to share it with someone and get if off my chest. thanks.
  4. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    This doesn't make any sense to me. She refuses to let you know where she lives (I know you found out and aren't telling her you know), but she keeps e-mailing you, and she's planning on showing up for Easter, and how are you going to pay her bills or take her to the dr if you aren't supposed to know where she lives? Who pays for her phone? It seems unreal...what kind of pictures did you show her?
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i figured i'd have a ton of ppl yelling at me for bringing her to the doctor LOL........

    it all is unreal, she's a wreck needless to say. pictures of different types of diseases in that particular area that are dangerous etc. how unsafe sex can lead to more than a pregnancy kinda thing. yes its' absurd, yet to say to her i wont' get you medical care seems absurd also. yes she's going with us on easter, so she says........ yes she didn't tell us where she's living yet we know. we aren't stupid she really doesnt' give us enough credit.

    the other night i almost broke and went to get her. husband stopped me and said simply what will change if you bring her home? than she's back on her terms you didnt' detatch, hold strong etc. you caved and ran and got her. i said yea but what if this happens, what if that happens...... he said yes what if and the same things will happen if she lives here and doesnt' return on time and is out of control again.

    i don't know what to do. i feel obligated to get her treated. exactly she's pulling a push pull thing. i'm letting her though partially. i'm allowing her to come with us on easter.
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    If she has it there's no treatment, just more frequent exams. She can go to Planned Parenthood for that.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i called doctor they said it's a cream that is used for it. to be honest i have no clue what other things she has. last time i brought her was a year ago. at least 2 new guys since than i think. what are you saying tell her your on your own with this?
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    There's no cure for HPV, it's lifelong. The cream would be if she the strain that causes warts instead of cervical cancer, to help breakouts. It's one of the herpes family of viruses. Been down this road with my sister, even though she has the warts strain she has to have 2 exams a year and seems to end up getting a biopsy every 6-12 months to be sure she doesn't have cancer, too.
    That's not to rule out anything he may have given her that IS curable, though.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh you gotta be kidding me.......... oh my god what is wrong with this kid of mine?
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    If it's of any consolation, your difficult child is old enough or almost old enough to get the HPV vaccine now, and since it's one of the highly transmissible viruses it would be a good idea.
  11. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    It is correct that HPV is not curable. The strain causing warts as described is treated although transmittable. Odds are that she has one of the many many strains that do not involve warts, although she should be checked for what kind of HPV. HPV in itself does not harm a body. In fact most sexually active men and women carry the virus. I am one of them. The problem with HPV is that "some" strains (and there are many) are responsible in full for cervical cancer. Having said that, most people have HPV as adults yet most women don't get cervical cancer. However, one can NOT get cervical cancer EXCEPT when they carry the HPV virus. One doesn't "treat" HPV (except the wart strain). One gets frequent pap tests to ensure no abnormal cell growth develops. I was diagnosis with HPV when I was in my early 20's. A few years back some members may remember I had laser surgery as the cells had turned cancerous, as well as needing some biopsies and "lesions" removed. I then had a normal pap test. Once again I have abnormal pap results and likely will be recommended for hysterectomy. Without the uterus and cervix, the HPV can no longer manifest as malignant cells. If cells do spread (which is rare if you go for regular paps and catch the cells in their early stages) there are further requirements for treatment. Most women aware of having HPV who comply with yearly pap tests can detect the abnormal growth of cancerous cells well within time to have treatment.
    I don't blame you for wanting her to get checked out. What is required is a pap test and a lab analysis to ensure she isn't infected with more than simply HPV. Additionally, it is likely she has it if she had unprotected sex and he has HPV. However it isn't always the case that it is transmitted. If she is positive for HPV, all unprotected sex for her lifetime will risk infecting her partners. A little known fact as well is that because there are so many strains, you can actually catch a different strain later in life in addition to the ones affecting a person at the time, via new HPV positive partners.
    If there is a place in town that checks for STD's for people without health coverage, I would recommend you hook her up there. Simply because she should wake up to the risks she takes if she sits in a std clinic waiting room and sees those signs on the wall warning about things, reads the pamphlets they leave out, gets a reality check about her risks for things from a staff member. If there is no such place available, regardless of how she is behaving I cannot blame you for making a choice to take care of the costs to ensure she gets checked out. I would probably tell her in the future you are not paying for this koi again but you love her in spite of her actions towards her family and you wouldnt want her walking around with this without being aware of it and knowing what she needs to do for her health care needs long term. I'd do the same thing, probably no matter what koi my child pulled. I guess I'd rather see her get screened for a virus that many years down the line could develop into bad cells, than not get tested due to finances. I think it would require her to accept that she is going to have to start living as an adult afterwards including supporting herself, since obviously she's "all grown up" and able to take adult size huge risks with her health. I guess I'd put a good scare in here after testing is what I'm saying. But I'd take her too on my dime if there was no free clinic somewhere nearby.
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    there isn't last time i took her to planned parenthood it cost me a fortunte!
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Yeah. I know. It's supposedly based on income. HAHAHAHAHAHA! When I took Onyxx? $250 for 3 months of birth control pills, and she refused a pelvic. Based on WHOSE income?! Oh yeah. And this was AFTER insurance - medicaid - supposed to cover 100%. HA.
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    step yes its' amazing, we're still paying bill down LOL. seriously though grose situation, right? I do wanna just detatch at this point, i can't handle the constant drama with her. i see the phone ring and think ok what will it be this time??

    i love her don't get me wrong, we'll be here when she finally wakes up. yet she's all over board and clearly needs an ssri in place to calm her down, help her refocus and think straight yet she refuses everything! it isnt' driving me nuts yet it def. is added pressure. husband said to me yesterday dear god you said she had to go to gyn and i thought oh no a baby! he said our life is simply challenging. i said yea it really is. i was honest i said listen man you would have such an easier life is you were with someone that didnt' have kids like mine, you could go out etc. he said yea i know and same with you if you were with a guy who didnt' have 3 kids a crazy ex, who loved to go antiquing who was more emotional and verbal etc. LOL.

    even though she isnt here and the daily pressure of blow ups do not exist anymore, the infamous emails and phone calls and well in the back of our minds worrying about her each day is no picnic either. what's the answer? keep on detatching i guess right??
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    All you can really do, hon.
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    again i'll say it really good we don't know this before we bring kids into our world LOL
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well, hmm. I do know this :future: and I'm trying to bring another one in. Does that make me insane??? :crazy2:
  18. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    In many places county health departments have services available, and look for free/sliding scale medical clinics, too.
  19. Jena

    Jena New Member

    :embarrassed:lol step i forgot about that lol i'm sooo sorry!!!!

    dare i say it.......... with all our problems i have a packet with the words baby written on it. over a year ago i had the bug bad. i saw all the kids getting older, and i sooo wanted to have one with him. he's great with babies and teens it's the middle years he's kinda not good with LOL. we had it all set up fertility clinic i was going to have them go into him get the stuff i needed :) than insert into me. he's fixed.....

    than difficult child kicked up more, he looked at me i looked at him, she got really sick after wedding and that packet went into a bin with the rest of my papers.

    plus for me i've always done it alone except for now. granted he works alot yet the thought of having the dad person living in the same house, giving that daily attention and love to the baby........

    now with easy child gone, difficult child the usual handful, me turning 41 and our sudden insane marriage problems for us it would be insanity. for you not at all!!! you know what you can handle best and let's face it babies bring a whole lotta joy. i found infancy thru 12 to be a walk in the park with easy child. difficult child was just different.

    how's that going by the way??
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Do you really want my opinion Step? :bigsmile: