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Substance Abuse
Detatchment
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 513633"><p>When I first heard the term detatchment I did not get it at all... how could I detatch from my beloved son who I was worried was going to do something that would cause him to die???? That just felt nuts to me. The first thing I had to realize is that detachment is not about no longer loving them, or even supporting them. I think I will always love my son no matter what, that is who I am as a mother. </p><p></p><p>What I realized though is that detachment is really about me!!! It is the realization that I am not going to let my difficult children life or actions ruin MY life. I am not. I will feel sadness and grief but he will not ruin my life. And that in a sense his life is NOT my life. I have my own life, things that make me happy, other people who are also important to me like my husband and daughter. He is on his journey and I can at times accompany him by supporting him but I do not need to be dragged into the muck... and I can stop enabling his drug use and bad decisions. I can separate myself from him if that is what is better for me. </p><p></p><p>I agree that it does not feel natural in our role as mothers... in fact it is really really hard. I also think it is a process... one step at a time... and it is a whole lot easier for me to detach when I am mad than when I am sad.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 513633"] When I first heard the term detatchment I did not get it at all... how could I detatch from my beloved son who I was worried was going to do something that would cause him to die???? That just felt nuts to me. The first thing I had to realize is that detachment is not about no longer loving them, or even supporting them. I think I will always love my son no matter what, that is who I am as a mother. What I realized though is that detachment is really about me!!! It is the realization that I am not going to let my difficult children life or actions ruin MY life. I am not. I will feel sadness and grief but he will not ruin my life. And that in a sense his life is NOT my life. I have my own life, things that make me happy, other people who are also important to me like my husband and daughter. He is on his journey and I can at times accompany him by supporting him but I do not need to be dragged into the muck... and I can stop enabling his drug use and bad decisions. I can separate myself from him if that is what is better for me. I agree that it does not feel natural in our role as mothers... in fact it is really really hard. I also think it is a process... one step at a time... and it is a whole lot easier for me to detach when I am mad than when I am sad. TL [/QUOTE]
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