Detention = Winning ?? Gotta Love difficult child Logic...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    difficult child has always had problems with respect. Usually it is minor attitude...just enough to be snarky without actually getting into big trouble for it.

    This year, she has been very disrespectful to a member of the school staff. She has received several warnings. I don't have the particulars of the most recent incident, but it seems difficult child finally crossed the line and was sent to the principal's office. The principal discussed the incident with difficult child and offered her the opportunity to write a formal apology to the staff member.

    difficult child refused. She was given detention.

    And how does difficult child feel about all this? She is PROUD of herself! She feels that she has "shown" this woman that she will do whatever she wants and doesn't HAVE to apologize for it. Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Only in difficult child-Land is serving detention a sign that one is "winning".

    (I'm sure Charlie Sheen would understand...):villagewrong:
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    So does my difficult child :sigh: Though he is learning little better lately (mostly thanks to his zero tolerance program where nothing is left to the half way by his coaches.) If I were you and if I had quite a lot of extra energy, I would make her to write that note. Nothing else would happen but her sitting at the kitchen table before the apology note would be written. Of course that depends of your daughter. If she would be likely sit there a week or two, then it would not be worth it. If a night or two or even three, then maybe.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I will never understand that difficult child form of logic. Mine does this sometimes, too. How long will she have to serve detention?
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, detention = winning.
    When teachers have been the bane of your existance for most of your life, anything that results in not having to apologize to a teacher is a win. I know - we don't really understand that. But my difficult child does. Other than a handful of exceptional ones, they continue to make his life difficult even with admin and parents breathing down their necks (after the usual more hands-off approaches fail).

    It's not easy being a difficult child. Nobody understands. And everything they do, think or say steps on somebody's toes or ego... even when that isn't the intention. Its part of why life is difficult for difficult children.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    So far, just one day. But the school has a heck of an "escalation" policy...and now she is on everyone's radar. The next disciplinary action will be greater, and probably will not take a whole lot to earn it.

    So we'll see...
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So typical.

    Recently Cory got in trouble at work for being on the job site for not having his safety gear on completely correctly and they fired him. Frankly I think they overreacted because it was before work had started and the only thing that was wrong was his safety glasses were on his forehead and he hadnt pulled them down over his eyes yet but rules are rules and I guess the boss was having a bad day. Well, that made Cory's day bad too and he didnt use all his coping tools well. He cussed his boss out, the company out and he cussed out the state of Ohio. (The company is based out of

    Needless to say once he calmed down and realized he was out of a job, he was crushed. He called his boss back and apologized for his behavior and two weeks later he is back at work. They liked his work, they just needed to make sure he understood the safety rules. Slowly he is learning to slow his roll. The mouth has to stop before it writes a check he cant cash.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Exactly! This is what difficult child needs to learn, too. And from what I gather, the adults around her were giving her every opportunity to just apologize and move on. Instead, she wants to make a point.

    (So glad Cory was able to get his job back!)
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I dunno, but as stubborn as I can be... I can see it from her side. She somewhere deep down knows she was wrong, but - she had a choice of action (apology) or inaction (detention). And being stubborn and not wanting to appear weak (apologizing)... She will beat her head against the brick wall of detention rather than open the door right next to her of apology.

    Never served me well, I've learned to take the easy way out and apologize. I've also learned that admitting you're wrong and/or messed up takes a HECK of a lot more strength...
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    exactly step...that takes maturity. Something we are trying desperately to teach Every time I see the little forward steps I cheer....lmao. I tell you when I heard he was fired I just sighed and shrugged my shoulders. When I found out he had apologized, got his job back and actually got a job for Buck too so he had a ride to and from work, I was actually impressed.
  10. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    To be fair; it IS difficult to get over your pride and apologize. More so to difficult child who usually do honestly feel they were wronged first. But it is something mature person can do. And often it is a hard lesson to learn.

    And yeah, I do know my difficult child has quite recently been sitting closer to ten hours looking wall before he was ready to get over himself and apologize. And that was only because he knew he would spend next day from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. looking that same wall. And day after that and after that until he would relent. And it was rather simple thing he had done wrong and not something he should had felt humiliated to admit and apologize.