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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 208807" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>Linda-----</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html" target="_blank">http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html</a></p><p></p><p><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model</a></p><p></p><p></p><p>Life can be so hard sometimes. It sure caught me off guard when I got sick. I had been peoples care provider thru gruesome illness, how could I now be the ill person in need? I had taken care of my family alone, on my own, and now what would happen? </p><p>It took quite awhile. But while I sat here in my brain fog of intense pain, I learned more and grew more. I remembered when my husband was first displaying his intense symptoms of mental collapse. I remember trying hard to find a way to connect with something inside him- when difficult child began to also gather her list of diagnosis'es, I remembered trying hard to teach her that in spite of her diagnosis'es, in spite of her difficulties - she still had a Life to live. Haveing her diagnosis'es might mean we changed some things, and it might mean she had to try harder.....but she still had the gift of Life.They say that which does not kill us makes us stronger. Things that happen often are prepareing us for things to come. My difficult child was born a difficult child, and I was able to ?? adapt? as she grew and her symptoms grew right along with her, and she was my first child, so I sorta thought ALL kids were so difficult. SO I learned as we went along on the journey of Life. I was bound and determined to make it work.becuz I had 14 miscarraiges thru the years and I finally HAD a child. Things I learned with my difficult child I also then later applied to my husband. Altho my husband got ill pretty early in our marriage, - and it was hard, but I was determined to make it work, becuz I came from a broken home, and my first husband died so young (I was 25) </p><p>SO there I was struggleing and learning and growing and WHAM......"I" got sick. </p><p>Eventually I realized the things I learned for raising a special child, and the things I learned for haveing a very ill partner all could be used on myself. "I" am "special", too. I am deserving and I am good, and even if I could not walk or use my hands etc, I still had a purpose. And I could still love and be loved. Some of this I learned working Hospice and ALzheimers, some I learned from my children and my husband. </p><p>When I first was sick, I begged to die. The pain was unbearable, and I could not figure out how to be a useful person......and I had no hhope. </p><p>SLowly, tho- I guess I must have gone thru the stages of grief, just as I had with the diagnosis'es of my daughter, and my husband.and later my son. Eventually I learned to feel welcome in Holland, myabe becuz there was little I could do to change my diagnosis, my dhs diagnosis or either of my childrens diagnosis. Sure I could help them grow and learn but their diagnosis were pretty concrete. These were the cards we were dealt, so, I decided to play those cards finally, instead of wishing for better cards. This is what I had tried to teach my daughter and husband before I got sick, it was something I had to learn to face for myself. </p><p></p><p>The cracked pot helped me accept that I DO have a purpose and it is good....and no one persons purpose is more important than anyone elses. Maybe I am no longer helping patients, but, I am still here and I can cheer my kids on, I can offer guidance, support and encouragement, I can still love them and be here for them. </p><p></p><p>When both my daughters were little, the easy child would explain to me "mommy, difficult child is just difficult child" easy child did not need a diagnosis to explain her sister was just who she is. easy child meant it to encompass all the good things, and all the quirks and all the not so good things. My son lost his eye, and as it was occuring, I myself put a patch over my eye, to try to understand, to help iidentify problems etc...so I could learn. Well, I was not doing very well that way! MY son fared far far far better than I did, navigating, adjusting, performing. SOme docs have explained it to me that it was becuz he was 10 yrs old, and not 45. He accepted it better than I did. At 10 a child still mostly kinda understands they are not the one in control all the time.and he had not lived as long to make the adjustment be as difficult as it would be for an adult. He was more ...resilient. My difficult child does not hate her manifestations of mental illness.she knows no other way to think, behave or feel. </p><p>I DID know different ways for my body to function, and I was ANGRY, and scared, and devastated. </p><p>BUT after watching my children struggle with what Life threw at THEM>...gradually I reached a point where I said well, it is what it is, this is my Life, now. If I keep on spending all my energy fighting it, I will lose my oppportunity to LIVE this life I DO have. </p><p>Don't get me wrong, I do still have many days where I am angry, frustrated, sad......scared, depressed, want to give up- want to break things, whatever. After all I AM human and I DO have a wide range of emotions, LOL. </p><p>Surpriseing to me, my illness helped me with coping and dealing with my DHs illness and my difficult children diagnosis'es and my sons. Our illlnesses are not going to recede or cure.....but it does not mean we are stagnant or stalled or anything. </p><p></p><p>I am so happy for you- it took you less time than it did me to come to some acceptance. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I am jealous. Once I DID reach some acceptance, I was able to settle down some and enjoy things in Life again. Or maybe.I was able to enjoy Life for the first time IN MY LIFE ever? Ironically, things began to then get better in many ways. Not just for me, but for my kids and my husband, too. </p><p></p><p>I think I might join the Red Hat Society. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>Very gentle hugs to you. I KNOW it could not have been easy to get where you are today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 208807, member: 1697"] Linda----- [url]http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html[/url] [URL='http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model']http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model[/URL] Life can be so hard sometimes. It sure caught me off guard when I got sick. I had been peoples care provider thru gruesome illness, how could I now be the ill person in need? I had taken care of my family alone, on my own, and now what would happen? It took quite awhile. But while I sat here in my brain fog of intense pain, I learned more and grew more. I remembered when my husband was first displaying his intense symptoms of mental collapse. I remember trying hard to find a way to connect with something inside him- when difficult child began to also gather her list of diagnosis'es, I remembered trying hard to teach her that in spite of her diagnosis'es, in spite of her difficulties - she still had a Life to live. Haveing her diagnosis'es might mean we changed some things, and it might mean she had to try harder.....but she still had the gift of Life.They say that which does not kill us makes us stronger. Things that happen often are prepareing us for things to come. My difficult child was born a difficult child, and I was able to ?? adapt? as she grew and her symptoms grew right along with her, and she was my first child, so I sorta thought ALL kids were so difficult. SO I learned as we went along on the journey of Life. I was bound and determined to make it work.becuz I had 14 miscarraiges thru the years and I finally HAD a child. Things I learned with my difficult child I also then later applied to my husband. Altho my husband got ill pretty early in our marriage, - and it was hard, but I was determined to make it work, becuz I came from a broken home, and my first husband died so young (I was 25) SO there I was struggleing and learning and growing and WHAM......"I" got sick. Eventually I realized the things I learned for raising a special child, and the things I learned for haveing a very ill partner all could be used on myself. "I" am "special", too. I am deserving and I am good, and even if I could not walk or use my hands etc, I still had a purpose. And I could still love and be loved. Some of this I learned working Hospice and ALzheimers, some I learned from my children and my husband. When I first was sick, I begged to die. The pain was unbearable, and I could not figure out how to be a useful person......and I had no hhope. SLowly, tho- I guess I must have gone thru the stages of grief, just as I had with the diagnosis'es of my daughter, and my husband.and later my son. Eventually I learned to feel welcome in Holland, myabe becuz there was little I could do to change my diagnosis, my dhs diagnosis or either of my childrens diagnosis. Sure I could help them grow and learn but their diagnosis were pretty concrete. These were the cards we were dealt, so, I decided to play those cards finally, instead of wishing for better cards. This is what I had tried to teach my daughter and husband before I got sick, it was something I had to learn to face for myself. The cracked pot helped me accept that I DO have a purpose and it is good....and no one persons purpose is more important than anyone elses. Maybe I am no longer helping patients, but, I am still here and I can cheer my kids on, I can offer guidance, support and encouragement, I can still love them and be here for them. When both my daughters were little, the easy child would explain to me "mommy, difficult child is just difficult child" easy child did not need a diagnosis to explain her sister was just who she is. easy child meant it to encompass all the good things, and all the quirks and all the not so good things. My son lost his eye, and as it was occuring, I myself put a patch over my eye, to try to understand, to help iidentify problems etc...so I could learn. Well, I was not doing very well that way! MY son fared far far far better than I did, navigating, adjusting, performing. SOme docs have explained it to me that it was becuz he was 10 yrs old, and not 45. He accepted it better than I did. At 10 a child still mostly kinda understands they are not the one in control all the time.and he had not lived as long to make the adjustment be as difficult as it would be for an adult. He was more ...resilient. My difficult child does not hate her manifestations of mental illness.she knows no other way to think, behave or feel. I DID know different ways for my body to function, and I was ANGRY, and scared, and devastated. BUT after watching my children struggle with what Life threw at THEM>...gradually I reached a point where I said well, it is what it is, this is my Life, now. If I keep on spending all my energy fighting it, I will lose my oppportunity to LIVE this life I DO have. Don't get me wrong, I do still have many days where I am angry, frustrated, sad......scared, depressed, want to give up- want to break things, whatever. After all I AM human and I DO have a wide range of emotions, LOL. Surpriseing to me, my illness helped me with coping and dealing with my DHs illness and my difficult children diagnosis'es and my sons. Our illlnesses are not going to recede or cure.....but it does not mean we are stagnant or stalled or anything. I am so happy for you- it took you less time than it did me to come to some acceptance. :) I am jealous. Once I DID reach some acceptance, I was able to settle down some and enjoy things in Life again. Or maybe.I was able to enjoy Life for the first time IN MY LIFE ever? Ironically, things began to then get better in many ways. Not just for me, but for my kids and my husband, too. I think I might join the Red Hat Society. :) Very gentle hugs to you. I KNOW it could not have been easy to get where you are today. [/QUOTE]
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