Devastating

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by everywoman, Apr 8, 2007.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Don't even know where to post this. PCson just called. We were supposed to meet he, grandson, and wife for dinner later today. She decided to make a desert for after. She went to food lion, he went to computer to see if he could start something for her, and he found love e-mails between her and an old boyfriend. He called crying. He just lost his job two weeks ago. He has been supporting her completely for the last two years---even putting her through school. He is so hurt---I could hear it in his voice. I told him to bring the baby and just come home for a few days. He is to call me back, but I am on pins and needles. He has a bad temper and I hope he doesn't let it come out.
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Katmom....

    I know how you are feeling right now. I have gone thru this and am going thru this with both the younger two boys. You probably know that Jamie divorced his wife due to infidelity. Keyanas mom cant be faithful to Cory to save her life. It just breaks a moms heart to see her boys in this kind of pain.
     
  3. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    I wanted you to know I was here too, Katmom.

    Your advice to your son was good advice. I hope he takes it. If he doesn't though, try to remember that moms need to offer help or advice only when it is requested.

    Don't get caught in the middle of something the two of them may resolve.

    Don't let yourself say even one thing you may regret, later.

    I am so sorry this happened right in the middle of Easter morning ~ who could expect or be prepared for something like this!

    Barbara
     
  4. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> i couldn't agree with-barbara more. no matter how tempting it is to badmouth daughter in law DON'T!

    i'd also be cautious of giving advice even if he asks for it because you don't have a clue of where this is going to end up. you don't want anything you may say now, even with-the best of intentions, to come back & bite you.

    by the way, he shouldn't, no matter what the provocation, remove the child with-o first informing his wife. JMO.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Ditto the above. Don't let yourself slip and say anything negative about daughter in law....at all. been there done that and it was costly. DDD
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They are right about not saying anything about daughter in law. I simply hugged Jamie and left him to his own devices when he came home on leave after he found out about his wife. I didnt say much except that I was sorry. Now after the divorce...I did say that I thought he jumped too soon and that she had some problems that made her too immature to be in a marriage. I told him it wasnt his fault what she did because she was blaming him for her cheating. That was the extent of what I said. Now I know his brothers and father have said more. And his friends were much more frank with him...lol.
     
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Karen, I am so very sorry for your easy child. I agree with all that has been posted. Give him space and support. Hugs to you and easy child and grandchild. -RM
     
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Boy, have I ever been there done that! This happened to my own son two years ago. I had the same thing happen to me (twice!), and I think it was actually more painful to see my son go through it than going through it myself!

    It's good that he called you and shared his feelings. My son chose to deal with it himself and kept what he was going through inside and it was NOT good. I agree with the others to try not to badmouth daughter in law, as hard as it will be. No matter what happens between the two of them, she will always be the mother of your grandchild and you will have her in your life to some extent, whether you like it or not! And they may work things out between them and then YOU will be the bad guy! The best thing you can do now is be available to LISTEN and let him, vent, vent, vent, as much as he needs to while he sorts through his feelings. Having a child between them makes it even more difficult to deal with.

    Give him as much encouragement as you can and let him know you are there for him. My son's first thoughts were that it was something that HE had done that caused it, blaming himself. It took quite a while and a lot of people talking to him before he finally realized that it was HER ... he had done nothing wrong. He finally got it that it was not caused by something he had done or not done or because of some shortcoming he had ... it was HER and it was NOT his fault! Finally realizing that was what seemed to be the turning point for him and put him on top of the situation. He went from being hurt to being :mad:MAD :mad: and then I knew that he had finally turned that corner and was going to be alright!

    Sending lots of hugs to you and your son.
     
  9. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>I'm so impressed that he came to you for comfort and advice. I'm sorry he was hurt but I agree about not saying anything negative. Young couples work through these things and continue on. Just help him work through it and love him. It seems like the logical thing to do. He will have to think things through.</span>
     
  10. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Hi,
    I think he should talk to her first. I hope he comes to your house with the baby. He should be around you. He needs time alone to think, get his ducks in a row, make decisions, but first see where she stands. What are her plans. And go from there. Oh I am sorry.-Alyssa
     
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Don't know what else to say, but I'm sorry!! Hope he brings the baby over and you can try to enjoy the holiday.
     
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yep, I have to ditto the others. As tempted as you may be Don't bad mouth the daughter in law. Nothing can get you into trouble faster. This they'll have to work out for themselves.

    Offer all the support you can. I'm impressed he thought to come to you with this. Poor guy. :frown:

    (((hugs)))
     
  13. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ditto above. I am very sorry for him. It has to be so painful.
     
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nothing new to add in way of advice-I'm very sorry this happened and especially on a holiday-prayers.
     
  15. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I would never step in between them. I have nothing bad to say about daughter in law to him. I did tell him that maybe it is just an emotional affair and hasn't gone any further. He is an adult. And a pretty smart young man. He will do what he needs to do. He brought the baby up to the resturant to get his easter basket, but he wouldn't come in and eat with us, amd I haven't talked to him since. He will call when he me when he's ready to talk.
     
  16. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am so sorry for the hurting in your family. sigh.
     
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