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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 754175" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>Thanks guys, some days, when things are really tough, I look back and wonder if adopting our grands was the best for them. Their next older brother (the oldest brother livesacross the US) was adopted by his biodad, whom he had never met before he went in to foster care. He has done really well in comparison. But, maybe it's because he moved across the state at age 8. He had pretty much forgotten all about his life here. He didn't have the reminders that the girls had. Seeing their previous home when we drive to school. Having sporadic contact with biomom for the first 3 or 4 years.</p><p></p><p>Biomom moved about 1500 miles away, back to the state she grew up in. Now, they have some phone contact with her, but neither have expectations of her at this point. They are indifferent now.</p><p></p><p>I have read all about adverse effects of early childhood, broken emotional parental bonds, and the lasting effects of prenatal substance abuse and the genetic roulette of their DNA. It's still hard to not feel that maybe I could have done things differently, had different outcomes.</p><p></p><p>This past year, husband and I bought a small camper and did a two week service trip two states away, we helped build houses for people devastated by hurricanes and flooding. All the volunteers were senior citizens with campers and we stayed in the same campground and had weekly potluck dinners. We did some sightseeing together on our weekends off.</p><p></p><p>We hope to do it again for a couple months in the fall and winter, but it's scary to leave town...especially once the baby has arrived.</p><p></p><p>husband has some volunteer things he does, like being a bayliff or delivering subpoenas, riding his motorcycle with the American Legion Riders. I volunteer with church things. </p><p></p><p>Right now I am going thru stuff (actual stuff! Not emotional stuff!) here at home. I'm dividing the girls books I've saved, Xmas ornaments they've made or been giving, toys that were special to them. I am boxing them up and putting their names on them. I've also pared down on kitchen ware, hoping that one day they will have their own places. I know I will need to keep this stuff here for a while. But if something happens to me or husband...then it won't be overwhelming.</p><p></p><p>We have a full unfinished basement and it was too easy to just keep putting boxes down there. It's a 100 year old home, so the basement, while dry and has a laundry room, will never be finished livable space.</p><p></p><p>I'm finally at the point in my life can let go of my past...and this "stuff".</p><p></p><p>Ksm</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 754175, member: 12511"] Thanks guys, some days, when things are really tough, I look back and wonder if adopting our grands was the best for them. Their next older brother (the oldest brother livesacross the US) was adopted by his biodad, whom he had never met before he went in to foster care. He has done really well in comparison. But, maybe it's because he moved across the state at age 8. He had pretty much forgotten all about his life here. He didn't have the reminders that the girls had. Seeing their previous home when we drive to school. Having sporadic contact with biomom for the first 3 or 4 years. Biomom moved about 1500 miles away, back to the state she grew up in. Now, they have some phone contact with her, but neither have expectations of her at this point. They are indifferent now. I have read all about adverse effects of early childhood, broken emotional parental bonds, and the lasting effects of prenatal substance abuse and the genetic roulette of their DNA. It's still hard to not feel that maybe I could have done things differently, had different outcomes. This past year, husband and I bought a small camper and did a two week service trip two states away, we helped build houses for people devastated by hurricanes and flooding. All the volunteers were senior citizens with campers and we stayed in the same campground and had weekly potluck dinners. We did some sightseeing together on our weekends off. We hope to do it again for a couple months in the fall and winter, but it's scary to leave town...especially once the baby has arrived. husband has some volunteer things he does, like being a bayliff or delivering subpoenas, riding his motorcycle with the American Legion Riders. I volunteer with church things. Right now I am going thru stuff (actual stuff! Not emotional stuff!) here at home. I'm dividing the girls books I've saved, Xmas ornaments they've made or been giving, toys that were special to them. I am boxing them up and putting their names on them. I've also pared down on kitchen ware, hoping that one day they will have their own places. I know I will need to keep this stuff here for a while. But if something happens to me or husband...then it won't be overwhelming. We have a full unfinished basement and it was too easy to just keep putting boxes down there. It's a 100 year old home, so the basement, while dry and has a laundry room, will never be finished livable space. I'm finally at the point in my life can let go of my past...and this "stuff". Ksm [/QUOTE]
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