DHS wants to send my difficult child away
- Thread starter OpenWindow
- Start date
mrscatinthehat
Seussical
I keep trying to post a response. It just isn't working (my own PTSD over our situations with difficult children and DHS). My first thought to you is be sure and document things. Keep a copy of EVERYTHING. Next get in touch with attorney's that could help. Keep in mind that if dhs does decide to have him go into care of some sort that you are entitled to a court appointed attorney depending on your income. And when talking with the attorney you may want to find out if he can be recommended as that attorney.
Whereas in our case removal from our home was absolutely what needed to happen the experience with dhs was awful. If they say they want to remove him ask them if it is "the least restrictive environment" they think he can get that care. Get them to put it all in writing. And why they think this.
It could be a long haul with dhs. It could test you and your ability to advocate for your family and yourself. Get all things in writing and keep a copy. I can not stress this enough. We three whole every piece of paper and put it into binders. Ask the questions now while you have the chance. And when you get the information if they waiver from it remind them in writing with certified letters how things were supposed to be refrencing what they had told you and how they told you.
My thoughts are with you.
beth
Whereas in our case removal from our home was absolutely what needed to happen the experience with dhs was awful. If they say they want to remove him ask them if it is "the least restrictive environment" they think he can get that care. Get them to put it all in writing. And why they think this.
It could be a long haul with dhs. It could test you and your ability to advocate for your family and yourself. Get all things in writing and keep a copy. I can not stress this enough. We three whole every piece of paper and put it into binders. Ask the questions now while you have the chance. And when you get the information if they waiver from it remind them in writing with certified letters how things were supposed to be refrencing what they had told you and how they told you.
My thoughts are with you.
beth
OpenWindow
Active Member
Thanks, guys.
The lawyer called back and I'm going to talk to him next wednesday, unless I find some other free service. I told him I didn't have any money and he still made an appointment with me to come in and talk with him. He said he probably won't be able to prevent difficult child's name from going on the registry, but we could talk about where they are wanting to send him.
Beth - thanks - I will try to get everything in writing.
I am going to be busy getting all of difficult child's papers in order. Luckily I got a lot of it together when we moved, but now I have to find that binder and add the last two years worth of IEPs and evaluations.
The lawyer called back and I'm going to talk to him next wednesday, unless I find some other free service. I told him I didn't have any money and he still made an appointment with me to come in and talk with him. He said he probably won't be able to prevent difficult child's name from going on the registry, but we could talk about where they are wanting to send him.
Beth - thanks - I will try to get everything in writing.
I am going to be busy getting all of difficult child's papers in order. Luckily I got a lot of it together when we moved, but now I have to find that binder and add the last two years worth of IEPs and evaluations.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I think putting him on the registry at his age, and without knowing much, is obscene. Linda, (here I go again...lol) could it be that he really doesn't know this is wrong? Do you think his Spectrum diagnosis may be why he did this? There are Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids who touch (although they rarely threaten because they often don't know it is not a big deal).
I feel for all of you. I actually have no opinion as to what has happened because, like with my own kids, the only ones who know are them. There are different reasons for "bad touching." Sometimes it's because the child was abused and is acting out and could be a psychopath, but sometimes the child just does not "get it." That would likely apply to kids on the Spectrum. I've heard of even high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids just going up to girls and pulling at their breasts--embarassing for all and potentially dangerous to the child (as far as CPS goes), however these particular kids weren't child predators. They didn't know that this was something that they shouldn't do.
It's all very complicated. Sadly, I know how CPS reacts/over-reacts to anything sexual. I hope your lawyer is good and can make a difference. I don't want you to think I'm not sympathetic. On the contrary, it brings me back to what WE went through and it breaks my heart for all of you.
I'm glad husband is doing well with this. He SHOULD take it on the system. The system is terrible.
I feel for all of you. I actually have no opinion as to what has happened because, like with my own kids, the only ones who know are them. There are different reasons for "bad touching." Sometimes it's because the child was abused and is acting out and could be a psychopath, but sometimes the child just does not "get it." That would likely apply to kids on the Spectrum. I've heard of even high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids just going up to girls and pulling at their breasts--embarassing for all and potentially dangerous to the child (as far as CPS goes), however these particular kids weren't child predators. They didn't know that this was something that they shouldn't do.
It's all very complicated. Sadly, I know how CPS reacts/over-reacts to anything sexual. I hope your lawyer is good and can make a difference. I don't want you to think I'm not sympathetic. On the contrary, it brings me back to what WE went through and it breaks my heart for all of you.
I'm glad husband is doing well with this. He SHOULD take it on the system. The system is terrible.
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
Very very sorry.
It seems at times the system doesn't react enough to very serious situations. Then at other times over-reacts when so much more could be done to help.
I know every situation has to be taken seriously, but we all know how many adults do so much worse and they have to do nothing... get away with just warnings or barely a slap on the wrist.
I hope your family gets through this and can still believe there is hope. You are doing a great job dealing with this.
It seems at times the system doesn't react enough to very serious situations. Then at other times over-reacts when so much more could be done to help.
I know every situation has to be taken seriously, but we all know how many adults do so much worse and they have to do nothing... get away with just warnings or barely a slap on the wrist.
I hope your family gets through this and can still believe there is hope. You are doing a great job dealing with this.
OpenWindow
Active Member
Midwest Mom - I'm waiting to find out if his name on the list is temporary (somewhere I saw it could be on there one year, like probation) or permanent, and if it's permanent, if it will transfer over when he's an adult.
I think intellectually he knows it's wrong, because we've told him over and over again. He can recite the words but it doesn't stop him from a lot of his behaviors. Like a lot of things with him, telling usually doesn't work. He used to run away and we would tell him how dangerous it was, how some stranger could come pick him up. Well, one day he ran off during school and he was picked up by a stranger - he willingly got into her car. Luckily, it was a very nice woman who immediately called my husband at home and waited there with difficult child until he got there. After that, we let him watch Law and Order and other shows that depicted kidnapping and all the terrible things that could happen because he just didn't get it, he had to see it. I'm not sure if it was maturity or that, but he stopped running away. Long story short, I think he knows intellectually, but not emotionally and he doesn't transfer his knowledge to his actions.
He doesn't have an official Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis. The last autism clinic he was evaluated at said that he has autistic characteristics, possibly Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). His psychiatrist in St. Louis diagnosed him with DAMP, which is a diagnosis used in Europe and is on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. The last psychologist who did an evaluation said she didn't believe he had Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), although she could see some things that might fit.
His counselor agrees that he just doesn't get it, and doesn't think he is a predator. She said it can happen with kids who are socially awkward, impulsive, and have trouble with boundaries.
totoro - that's what I'm thinking. So many terrible, awful horrible things that go on and are allowed to go on and then here we are, doing everything we can, and they overreact like this. I've been told it's luck of the draw depending on which investigators you get and their current workload.
I think intellectually he knows it's wrong, because we've told him over and over again. He can recite the words but it doesn't stop him from a lot of his behaviors. Like a lot of things with him, telling usually doesn't work. He used to run away and we would tell him how dangerous it was, how some stranger could come pick him up. Well, one day he ran off during school and he was picked up by a stranger - he willingly got into her car. Luckily, it was a very nice woman who immediately called my husband at home and waited there with difficult child until he got there. After that, we let him watch Law and Order and other shows that depicted kidnapping and all the terrible things that could happen because he just didn't get it, he had to see it. I'm not sure if it was maturity or that, but he stopped running away. Long story short, I think he knows intellectually, but not emotionally and he doesn't transfer his knowledge to his actions.
He doesn't have an official Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis. The last autism clinic he was evaluated at said that he has autistic characteristics, possibly Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). His psychiatrist in St. Louis diagnosed him with DAMP, which is a diagnosis used in Europe and is on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. The last psychologist who did an evaluation said she didn't believe he had Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), although she could see some things that might fit.
His counselor agrees that he just doesn't get it, and doesn't think he is a predator. She said it can happen with kids who are socially awkward, impulsive, and have trouble with boundaries.
totoro - that's what I'm thinking. So many terrible, awful horrible things that go on and are allowed to go on and then here we are, doing everything we can, and they overreact like this. I've been told it's luck of the draw depending on which investigators you get and their current workload.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Linda, do they say WHY they feel he doesn't get it? WHY he has trouble with boundaries? It truly doesn't seem as if this child is a BAD kid. He sounds a lot like my son. He can say the words, but he still needs to be protected in the way of a much younger child. He doesn't have boundary issues (my son), but he sure is way too trusting. I always have nightmares that he'll get into a car with a psychopath because he seems "nice." Grrrrrrrrr. It's really scary.
It's also so frustrating when you get 100 diagnoses. I really hope this nightmare ends well, and your lawyer can do something about it.
It's also so frustrating when you get 100 diagnoses. I really hope this nightmare ends well, and your lawyer can do something about it.
Last edited:
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry, Linda.
He is so young. I, too, do not understand why they would put such a young person on the registry... forever.
He sounds a bit like my son, so I see some autistic characteristics, incl. the anxiety. Unless he's a textbook case, getting him diagnosis'd properly is difficult, as I am discovering.
Make copies of everything!!!
He is so young. I, too, do not understand why they would put such a young person on the registry... forever.
He sounds a bit like my son, so I see some autistic characteristics, incl. the anxiety. Unless he's a textbook case, getting him diagnosis'd properly is difficult, as I am discovering.
Make copies of everything!!!
OpenWindow
Active Member
Midwest Mom - no, they haven't really said why he doesn't get it. Well, one said it's part of severe ADHD. They haven't ruled out thought disorders (my mom had schizophrenia) or autism. They have told me his emotional age is 3-4 years younger than his real age. They say he has rigid thinking. They say he doesn't get social cues. He wants friends but doesn't know how to go about getting them. When he does get friends he loses them because he's overbearing and then gets mad so easily.
Terry - it is soooo hard to get a solid diagnosis. Everyone says something different. They all agree on his symptoms, but not what they mean in terms of a diagnosis. I've never been one to care about his label myself, but the autism diagnosis would bring much more services and understanding among school personnel, and now, with DHS. Saying he has ADHD and major depressive disorder just doesn't explain it, in my humble opinion.
Thanks Shari. We can use all the prayers we can get.
Terry - it is soooo hard to get a solid diagnosis. Everyone says something different. They all agree on his symptoms, but not what they mean in terms of a diagnosis. I've never been one to care about his label myself, but the autism diagnosis would bring much more services and understanding among school personnel, and now, with DHS. Saying he has ADHD and major depressive disorder just doesn't explain it, in my humble opinion.
Thanks Shari. We can use all the prayers we can get.
