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Parent Emeritus
Diagnosis = Heartbreak
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641131" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm sorry you are going through this. All of our criminally inclined dysfunctional adult children blame us because it makes us feel guilty and they sure aren't going to blame their own behavior on THEM. That's where it lies, by the way. Also,t hey hope we feel so guilty we'll send them money, which is usually used to drugs. Maybe, for your own health, you should go low contact with him. You need to take care of yourselves now. Your son is a man, nearing middle age. I would not allow him to abuse me. I have done this with my own son. We have rules for talking and one is that he can't abuse me. Abuse includes raising his voice, calling me names, talking about the past (in his deluded thinking way) or blaming me for anything. If he starts up, I gently hang up and will not answer his calls or texts for several days. I would also not look at his social media as they often use nasty messages to hurt us. You can not change him. He is 100% in charge of himself and you are 100% in charge of how you react to him and how you want to either maintain or change your relationship with him. Often once we back off, they get even more abusive until they know we mean it.</p><p></p><p>I agree he probably has a personality disorder, by his behaviors, and that is nearly impossible to treat because it requires that the person who has it admit they have a problem. Among the possibilities he may have is antisocial personality disorder (lack of empathy for anyone, total disregard of rules, has no remorse for hurting others) narcissism (same thing only more social-acint, but not sincere, uses people) or borderline personality disorder, which is more common in women (emotional dysregulation, inability to form meaningful relationships, all or nothing thinking...lots of help for borderline now, BUT the person has to commit to getting better and working VERY hard and must be drug free. You really don't know if your son is drug free or not).</p><p></p><p>Bipolar is kinder. Schizophrenics do not understanding reality from their own thoughts and hallucination. Personality disorders are ingrained in the person and are almost impossible to live with. Here is a link for you:</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=8" target="_blank">http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=8</a></p><p></p><p>I'm sure you have other loved ones and friends you care to spend quality time with...those who know and appreciate you. Focus on them, is my suggestion. And yourself. Too often we focus so much on our crazy grown kid that we almost lock out room for anyone else or any fun in our lives. Don't make that mistake.</p><p></p><p>Glad you joined. Sorry you had to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641131, member: 1550"] I'm sorry you are going through this. All of our criminally inclined dysfunctional adult children blame us because it makes us feel guilty and they sure aren't going to blame their own behavior on THEM. That's where it lies, by the way. Also,t hey hope we feel so guilty we'll send them money, which is usually used to drugs. Maybe, for your own health, you should go low contact with him. You need to take care of yourselves now. Your son is a man, nearing middle age. I would not allow him to abuse me. I have done this with my own son. We have rules for talking and one is that he can't abuse me. Abuse includes raising his voice, calling me names, talking about the past (in his deluded thinking way) or blaming me for anything. If he starts up, I gently hang up and will not answer his calls or texts for several days. I would also not look at his social media as they often use nasty messages to hurt us. You can not change him. He is 100% in charge of himself and you are 100% in charge of how you react to him and how you want to either maintain or change your relationship with him. Often once we back off, they get even more abusive until they know we mean it. I agree he probably has a personality disorder, by his behaviors, and that is nearly impossible to treat because it requires that the person who has it admit they have a problem. Among the possibilities he may have is antisocial personality disorder (lack of empathy for anyone, total disregard of rules, has no remorse for hurting others) narcissism (same thing only more social-acint, but not sincere, uses people) or borderline personality disorder, which is more common in women (emotional dysregulation, inability to form meaningful relationships, all or nothing thinking...lots of help for borderline now, BUT the person has to commit to getting better and working VERY hard and must be drug free. You really don't know if your son is drug free or not). Bipolar is kinder. Schizophrenics do not understanding reality from their own thoughts and hallucination. Personality disorders are ingrained in the person and are almost impossible to live with. Here is a link for you: [url]http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=8[/url] I'm sure you have other loved ones and friends you care to spend quality time with...those who know and appreciate you. Focus on them, is my suggestion. And yourself. Too often we focus so much on our crazy grown kid that we almost lock out room for anyone else or any fun in our lives. Don't make that mistake. Glad you joined. Sorry you had to. [/QUOTE]
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Diagnosis = Heartbreak
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