Did any of your difficult children benefit from IOP Rehab, as opposed to Residential?
- Thread starter stalln4x
- Start date
A
AmericanGirl
Guest
My difficult child would say IOP alone did no good.
The key to IOP is that it is "intensive"... not just "outpatient". You probably couldn't hold down classes and do a part time job, AND be in IOP. It's definitely more than "AA plus a therapist".
But... from what I've seen, IOP works better as a follow-up to, rather than instead of, residential treatment.
But... from what I've seen, IOP works better as a follow-up to, rather than instead of, residential treatment.
American Girl, is that to say that IOP in conjunction with something else was able to help? I see from your signature that he completed 14 weeks of treatment... was that residential/did that help do the trick? That seems awfully long for IOP but I'm new to all this.
InsaneCdn, have you seen it just plain "work" period? My reservation is I feel that it would feel like a project/something I'm doing rather than "Ok, I'm really doing this and throwing my whole life into the idea of 'never again'," if you know what I mean. I know from the shameful number of times I've fully dedicated myself through AA and failed that I can't just switch the addict in me to "off".
InsaneCdn, have you seen it just plain "work" period? My reservation is I feel that it would feel like a project/something I'm doing rather than "Ok, I'm really doing this and throwing my whole life into the idea of 'never again'," if you know what I mean. I know from the shameful number of times I've fully dedicated myself through AA and failed that I can't just switch the addict in me to "off".
in my humble opinion most addicts would benefit more from a residential treatment program followed by an IOP/After Care program. AA almost always is part of both of those programs so it is not an either/or situation. Frommy experience it is difficult for an addict, especially a young addict, to have a lot of success with some type of treatment that takes them out of their environment and allows them to put their entire focus on recovery.
What did you find out when you called your insurance company last evening when you went to your AA meeting? I suspect whatever program you go to will depend mostly on what your insurance will allow. I know you said you had great insurance but very few insurance policies pay for inpatient stay over a certain number of days. From my experience many insurance companies pay for outpatient only. You have said you do not want to go behind your parents back and they are not in agreement over this. When does that stand? Have you
made contact with any of the treatment centers you are considering?
I disagree with your comment about your many times of dedicating yourself through AA though. If you have never gotten a sponsor or worked the steps you did not dedicate yourself to the principles of AA. Not thast I think that is what you need right now because from everything you have said I truly believe you need inpatient treatment, but don't assume AA doesn;t work based on your experiences.
I also get the feeling that you are being way too intellectual with all of this, almost like you are collecting information for a research project. You are an addict from your own admission. You can't stop and you think you may want to use occassionally. You are failing out of school, hiding from your parents, your credit card is maxed out, your life is out of control. What more do you need to know before you decide you want help and will go whereever you can for it?
What did you find out when you called your insurance company last evening when you went to your AA meeting? I suspect whatever program you go to will depend mostly on what your insurance will allow. I know you said you had great insurance but very few insurance policies pay for inpatient stay over a certain number of days. From my experience many insurance companies pay for outpatient only. You have said you do not want to go behind your parents back and they are not in agreement over this. When does that stand? Have you
made contact with any of the treatment centers you are considering?
I disagree with your comment about your many times of dedicating yourself through AA though. If you have never gotten a sponsor or worked the steps you did not dedicate yourself to the principles of AA. Not thast I think that is what you need right now because from everything you have said I truly believe you need inpatient treatment, but don't assume AA doesn;t work based on your experiences.
I also get the feeling that you are being way too intellectual with all of this, almost like you are collecting information for a research project. You are an addict from your own admission. You can't stop and you think you may want to use occassionally. You are failing out of school, hiding from your parents, your credit card is maxed out, your life is out of control. What more do you need to know before you decide you want help and will go whereever you can for it?
Nancy, are you saying it is more difficult to be out of their environment or did you mean more successful if they can?
I didn't call after--forgot. I just now called to find out cost/coverage/whatnot. The one near my hometown that someone took me along on a visit to is $50 copay, they pay 90% and then 100% after I've paid $1000 out of pocket or my family has paid $2000 out of pocket. I told my mom I was on the phone with someone from AA since I know she wouldn't let or want me to do this phone call. She asked why I got my insurance card out after I came back to the car (I went to an empty park to talk on the phone since she said people at the hotel can hear). Then I got yelled at that it's not 'my' insurance, it's my dad's and I should let him deal with his company and how now that I called them about coverage I'm going to be cancelled. How I'm a liar (which is true and I want to change that). Then about how they support me so it's not for me to do this and how I'm some big shot who has to have the best of everything. If this were tomorrow when I'll have money, I'd be high right now. Come to think of it, they did restock the quarters in my car but I'm not in it and my mom has the key. I feel this big right now ---> . . Maybe I don't need rehab and am being selfish or just wanting to be avoidant. I don't know. This is all but literally driving my mom insane... she said she should just ram the car into a building with me in it when she was driving from the park to the library. She's not abusive or anything, but I thought they might be happy. Nope--just how they don't have to keep me on their insurance and might stop and how much I'm embarrass my dad. I can't do this.
I just need to vent this. I'm sure if she were on here she'd make me look like the problem too and I was just super mean to her again but this gets incredibly emotional instantly for both of us (and she was mean to me too, saying how AA is good enough for everyone else but me and I want an instant fix and only want a super nice luxury treatment). I've tried to make it clear that I'm going to do AA whether or not I go to treatment. Then she says she's making me do AA, which instantly makes me not want to do it. You can't make anyone do AA anyway. I just want to disappear.
Edit again: with regard to that I'd be high, I should probably say that this episode gave me what AA calls the "F***-it"'s about this, at least in the rather volatile state I'm in. I do want to stop once and for all. The fact that using is the first thing I wanted to do when discord arose (even though it is my fault) make me think even more that I'm right in wanting to go to rehab, but maybe my mom's right.
I didn't call after--forgot. I just now called to find out cost/coverage/whatnot. The one near my hometown that someone took me along on a visit to is $50 copay, they pay 90% and then 100% after I've paid $1000 out of pocket or my family has paid $2000 out of pocket. I told my mom I was on the phone with someone from AA since I know she wouldn't let or want me to do this phone call. She asked why I got my insurance card out after I came back to the car (I went to an empty park to talk on the phone since she said people at the hotel can hear). Then I got yelled at that it's not 'my' insurance, it's my dad's and I should let him deal with his company and how now that I called them about coverage I'm going to be cancelled. How I'm a liar (which is true and I want to change that). Then about how they support me so it's not for me to do this and how I'm some big shot who has to have the best of everything. If this were tomorrow when I'll have money, I'd be high right now. Come to think of it, they did restock the quarters in my car but I'm not in it and my mom has the key. I feel this big right now ---> . . Maybe I don't need rehab and am being selfish or just wanting to be avoidant. I don't know. This is all but literally driving my mom insane... she said she should just ram the car into a building with me in it when she was driving from the park to the library. She's not abusive or anything, but I thought they might be happy. Nope--just how they don't have to keep me on their insurance and might stop and how much I'm embarrass my dad. I can't do this.
I just need to vent this. I'm sure if she were on here she'd make me look like the problem too and I was just super mean to her again but this gets incredibly emotional instantly for both of us (and she was mean to me too, saying how AA is good enough for everyone else but me and I want an instant fix and only want a super nice luxury treatment). I've tried to make it clear that I'm going to do AA whether or not I go to treatment. Then she says she's making me do AA, which instantly makes me not want to do it. You can't make anyone do AA anyway. I just want to disappear.
Edit again: with regard to that I'd be high, I should probably say that this episode gave me what AA calls the "F***-it"'s about this, at least in the rather volatile state I'm in. I do want to stop once and for all. The fact that using is the first thing I wanted to do when discord arose (even though it is my fault) make me think even more that I'm right in wanting to go to rehab, but maybe my mom's right.
Last edited:
T
toughlovin
Guest
Stall,
I have many thoughts on all you have written. I really would encourage your parents to go to alanon... in their own way they are trying to control your use and that is not working for you, or for them. As a parent it is really hard to come to the hard reality that you have no control over your young adult childs life... especially when they are using substances. And I am sure as a young adult it is terribly hard to have your parents trying to control your life. It is embarrassing to have a child who is a drug addict.... as many of us here can attest to.
However as a parent you have to hold your head high and realize that what your adult child is not a reflection of you. So your parents need to get support for what they are going through because they are going through their own pain and frustration through this.
And somehow if you can you need to find a way to continue to communicate with your parents honestly... given that you have lied a lot in the past recognize that they dont trust you and dont believe you. However you can still keep trying to communicate with them. You mention you have a therapist, could that person have a meeting with your parents? Help them see the level of your drug use and the seriousness of it.
I dont think you have to worry about not being addicted enough. I have talked to many rehabs in the process of trying to help my son and many young people end up in rehab with their drug of choice being pot.... but having dabbled in other stuff... and there are also hard core heroin addicts too. But I think the basic issue of needing/wanting drugs to deal with feelings etc. is common to most addicts.
TL
I have many thoughts on all you have written. I really would encourage your parents to go to alanon... in their own way they are trying to control your use and that is not working for you, or for them. As a parent it is really hard to come to the hard reality that you have no control over your young adult childs life... especially when they are using substances. And I am sure as a young adult it is terribly hard to have your parents trying to control your life. It is embarrassing to have a child who is a drug addict.... as many of us here can attest to.
However as a parent you have to hold your head high and realize that what your adult child is not a reflection of you. So your parents need to get support for what they are going through because they are going through their own pain and frustration through this.And somehow if you can you need to find a way to continue to communicate with your parents honestly... given that you have lied a lot in the past recognize that they dont trust you and dont believe you. However you can still keep trying to communicate with them. You mention you have a therapist, could that person have a meeting with your parents? Help them see the level of your drug use and the seriousness of it.
I dont think you have to worry about not being addicted enough. I have talked to many rehabs in the process of trying to help my son and many young people end up in rehab with their drug of choice being pot.... but having dabbled in other stuff... and there are also hard core heroin addicts too. But I think the basic issue of needing/wanting drugs to deal with feelings etc. is common to most addicts.
TL
I should also add that I defended myself against the allegation that I just want the best of everything by saying that I was calling to find out what one would be cheapest. When she got on me about how I'm not financially independent and just want to be a big shot, I also mentioned that I was partially seeing if it was something I could afford independently, but that was met with "get real" and more about how it's not my insurance.
I think they partially (maybe fully) think I'm picturing myself at some tropical resort getting massages and swapping drinking stories with people in a hot tub or something.
I think they partially (maybe fully) think I'm picturing myself at some tropical resort getting massages and swapping drinking stories with people in a hot tub or something.
I am confused. I read your response a few minutes after you wrote it at 4:05 in which you said yes you called last night. You went into great detail about how you went to a park so no one could hear you and that your mother asked why you had your insurance card out. At 4:50 you editted your response to say you just called now. Why did you lie?
We are trying to help you but you have so many inconsistencies in your story that am not sure what to believe. I really hope you get help and I hope your parents stop worrying about their image and listen.
I know a lot of AA expressions but I'm not familar with the f***-it's
I really think you need to get your therapist involved in this. We cannot convince your parents that you need help. Your therapist should be doing that.
We are trying to help you but you have so many inconsistencies in your story that am not sure what to believe. I really hope you get help and I hope your parents stop worrying about their image and listen.
I know a lot of AA expressions but I'm not familar with the f***-it's
I really think you need to get your therapist involved in this. We cannot convince your parents that you need help. Your therapist should be doing that.
That wasn't a lie. My first edit (I edited again and added a paragraph) was because I realized I made it sound like I called last night, rather than that I called today. The original post read "I didn't call. I called and ..." and I changed it to specify that I didn't call after AA last night (forgot about calling them after the meeting... just kind of followed the crowd out and got in the car with my mom) but that I called today... your reply reminded me I needed to find that out and my phone says I called at 1:44. I did offhandedly lie when she asked who I was calling and say it was someone in AA because a little bit of me knew I wouldn't be able to find out if I said I was calling my insurance (although I'm on my parents plan).
I think you're right that the therapist is a good idea and he brought up the possibility. I think he feels bad too for giving me so many sleeping pills which I have abused, and is worried that he's been prescribing me Adderall (which I haven't abused... it just makes me more stressed).
What inconsistencies do you mean? Anything about me wanting to use is what I'm wanting to change. Anyone in or a couple days out of a serious addiction (multi use per day most days per week) that says that there's nothing in any fiber of their being, psychologically or physically, is stronger than I am. I do want to not use anymore and hopefully not have the idea even be appealing.
Nancy, I'll also admit that the "f--- its" was new to me too, and I don't think it's an "official" saying or anything. I'd never heard it in my hometown but here in my college town I've heard it a couple times in the couple of days I've been going to meetings here. My college is basically the town and then it's country all over for a long way any direction and it seems like it's a lot of the more country-ish folks who were using that phrase.
I think you're right that the therapist is a good idea and he brought up the possibility. I think he feels bad too for giving me so many sleeping pills which I have abused, and is worried that he's been prescribing me Adderall (which I haven't abused... it just makes me more stressed).
What inconsistencies do you mean? Anything about me wanting to use is what I'm wanting to change. Anyone in or a couple days out of a serious addiction (multi use per day most days per week) that says that there's nothing in any fiber of their being, psychologically or physically, is stronger than I am. I do want to not use anymore and hopefully not have the idea even be appealing.
Nancy, I'll also admit that the "f--- its" was new to me too, and I don't think it's an "official" saying or anything. I'd never heard it in my hometown but here in my college town I've heard it a couple times in the couple of days I've been going to meetings here. My college is basically the town and then it's country all over for a long way any direction and it seems like it's a lot of the more country-ish folks who were using that phrase.
Similar threads
