Did I miss something?

[Anaheimfan]

I seriously get the feeling I missed something somewhere along the line. With New Years Eve coming up, I figure now would be the perfect time to post this.

When did parents decide it is okay for their children to have xxxxxx parties with a bunch of 14-16 YEAR OLDS getting ****xxxxx drunk then having to walk/drive/find some sorta way home? Seriously, when did this become okay?

As an example, my girlfriend (who is 15--I'm 19) is going to a party at a friend's house on New Year's Eve. The guy is 18, he's gonna have a bunch of underage kids over, and provide them with enough alcohol to x***xxx near poison themselves, and his parents don't give a flying fiddler's xxxx. When did this become okay to let a bunch of 14 year old kids get ****xxxx drunk in your house?

Okay, I know that was really more of a rant than anything else, but I know it's happening everywhere, and I know the parents are probably gonna xxxx off outta town as soon as the party starts....xxxxxx people...I tell you...

I'm not saying I don't drink, and I'm not saying I didn't drink when I was younger, but I never got so drunk I damn nearl killed myself. My parents condoned it because I normally did it at home with them (Rum/Coke with my old man at Christmas time, Vodka on New Years) but xxxxxx....That's a far stretch than if my dad woulda said "Okay, here's the booze, have a ****xxxx of kids over, you all can get ****xxxxxx drunk, your mom and me are going to Sudbury for the night."

Why do parents get the idea that this kinda **** is okay!?

 

[tiredmommy]

Hi AF,
I appreciate the gist of your post, but I need to edit the coarse and vulgar language. Censor beating is something we frown upon.

 

[Anaheimfan]

Not a problem...I probably shoulda controlled myself a little bit better. It just really bugs me.

 

[tiredmommy]

I understand... I find irresponsible parents to be very frustrating as well. I think it comes from wanting the kids to like you, to be cool, or some parents have completely abdicated their responsibility and forgotten just who is the adult.

 

[maril]

As you may know, alcohol and drugs are big problems here in the US. We can educate young people, admonish them, encourage abstinence, etc., but how do we deal with the social pressures and easy accessibility to drugs and alcohol when so many young ones are targets? AND how do we deal with consenting and apathetic parents or caregivers???

I remember years ago, when my daughter was in high school, there was a meeting conducted by a DARE officer (acronym for Drug Abuse Resistance Education; maybe you have this in Canada as well?) with parents in attendance and, at one point, he mentioned what makes it more difficult to discourage substance use by teens is the fact that there are parents who party right along with their kids...

It sounds like you might be someone who could have a positive influence on these kids you mentioned.

 

[Rotsne]

I would of course not having a problem with it as it is our culture.

However if the kids are NOT confirmed in the name of the lord, it has to be a bag party and adult has to secure that each kid gets from his or her own bag. It is essential because the concept of bag parties rest on the individual kid through dialogue with the parents do learn how much he or she can take and still be able to party without hitting the floor.

I understand that you in our culture have another security issue. When we are talking 16-18 here they are not old enough to drive themselves. Our age limit is 18. A very important issue in our road safety strategy is that youth learn the dangers of alcohol before they can drive. It is almost as important as sending them on a race track which has become a mandatory part of our drivers education, so they can unlearn the message that a good driver on a Playstation don't make them a good driver in reality. They both need to learn that being drunk means that your reactions are slow and that a car can crash.

But as you can understand, I would not have a problem with it because I live where I do.

 

[Anaheimfan]

We have DARE in Canada, it's facilitated by the RCMP. We also have Risk Watch (occaisionally done through the Fire Department, I've had the oportunity to speak at one or two presentations), and I can't say I'm a big fan of either one. When I was in school, guys from DARE, MADD, SADD, you name it would come in and make countless presentations. They'd put on plays, show stories about how their son/daughter ODed or got alcohol poisoning and how popular they were, they'd show pictures of people banged up in Alcohol-Related wrecks, show people pics of dead bodies and bring body bags up to show....And it didn't make a difference at all...Until it actually happens, people aren't gonna understand it...Until these kids are in a car wreck and lose their friend or a loved one, until they actually watch their lifeless friend being worked on by paramedics, until these parents have a State Trooper/Police Constable standing on their doorstep saying your baby died, they aren't gonna learn.

I could try to influence them all I want, preach till I'm all sorts of funny colors in the face, put up a dozen pictures of kids I've cut out of cars, and go on and on about how--in the end--they'd just be another number in the computer, but it wouldn't really make a difference. It wouldn't change anything. Parents will still let their kids drink/get high and etc, kids are still gonna be drinking and driving, girls are still gonna get taken advantage of while they're under the influence, you name it, it'll still happen whether we like it or not....I hope to God that it doesn't take a serious wake-up call like getting charged with Criminal Neglect/Contributing to Deliquency/Crim Neglect Causing Bodily Harm or Death/Child Endangerment/ Cop standin on their doorstep to change the parents' minds... I don't know anymore...

 

[Jena]

here in our neighborhood it's parents fault i think to an extent. they have tons of money, tons of liquor in liquor cabinets with no lock on it!! hello!!! Than they say hmm how'd they get drunk at our house during that sleepover, duh?? how do you think??

 

[Anaheimfan]

Jennifer,

I agree that it is only the parent's fault to an extent. I'm not placing all the blame on one party or the other. And the situation you put forth is yet another good example. Although they are not handing the bottles to their kids and their friends, if they aren't locking the cabinets, they may just as well pour the stuff down their throats.

Same for the parents who leave their narcotics lying around (not that they should have illicit substances anyway, but if you are gonna have them around, keep them out of your children's reach) they may as well light the joint or heat the spoon for'em.

Both parties are guilty in my eyes. But the parent is the older one, and should be responsible. If they really loved their kids, they would want to keep them on this earth as long as humanly possible. If they really cared, they wouldn't leave their alcohol and drugs lying around or provide the opportunity for their kids to get drunk or stoned. If they really cared they wouldn't let their kid put every other kid in the area at risk....You know?

 

[maril]

Anaheimfan: Since you personally have been involved in educating young people about substance abuse, I realize you would have a different point of view than those who have not.

You are a firefighter, right? I have two firefighters here in my house and get a little taste of their world. You guys are great.

Anyway, I still am hoping for better days for my son/trying to help him; he is involved with substance use and it has an effect on more than just him. As a parent, I would feel remiss to just ignore it and brush it under the rug.

As a jr. firefighter, my son recently helped at a scene involving an auto hanging over a cliff with the injured man below (injured man had been drinking); maybe this will have an impact on him/maybe not.

 

[Anaheimfan]

Kudos to your son I wish him the best of luck in his career, if he chooses to stick with it. I'd like to think that seeing that MVA would have a positive impact on your son.

I am glad you are trying to help him instead of just ignoring the issue and hoping it will go away. I agree with you when you say that drug/alcohol abuse affects more than the user. If anything, it affects the user's friends and family moreso than it does the user. Kudos to you as well .

I've only spoken twice on the subjects of impared driving and etc. I enjoyed the oportunity to speak about my experiences, knowing that maybe one or two kids out of the whole 300-some student crowd would take my words to heart.

I'm not trying to save the world or anything, I'm not trying to abolish teenage drinking/partying or anything that's going on out there, I'm just hoping that I can keep people from having to feel the pain of loss from something that never should have been going on in the first place. I hope that came out right.

 

[maril]

I'm not trying to save the world or anything, I'm not trying to abolish teenage drinking/partying or anything that's going on out there, I'm just hoping that I can keep people from having to feel the pain of loss from something that never should have been going on in the first place. I hope that came out right.

It sure did come out right, and it is refreshing to see a young person (yeah, I am an oldie) with your experience and knowledge.

Thanks for the encouragment and kind words.

 

[Anaheimfan]

It sure did come out right, and it is refreshing to see a young person (yeah, I am an oldie) with your experience and knowledge.

Thanks for the encouragment and kind words.

You're welcome. Thank you as well.

 

[tiredmommy]

Rotsne,

I want to point out the major difference between the Danish bag parties and the keggers in North America. The bag parties are intended to be supervised and alcohol consumption is done in moderation. The keggers here are not generally supervised (at least not by a responsible adult) and the teens often drink themselves sick. There is destruction of property, drunk driving accidents, physical and sexual assaults. It's not a good situation because the teens (most anyway) end up binge drinking.

 

[klmno]

In my area, they have started cracking down a lot on this- it is illegal in our state to drink under age 21 yo. If a teenager drinks with parents' approvale, or adults provide alcohol to minors or allows parties where drinking is occurring (and they know it), the parents are now being arrested for this and taken to court and getting more punishment than a slap on the hand- especially if the teen was not even their own child. If someone provided this for my son or allowed it, I would go through the roof.

Anyway- I'm wondering if you can call the police and have them go check out the party because you have reason to believe the adults are providing and allowing underage drinking? Would police go and arrest any adult who contributed?

 

[Rotsne]

Rotsne,

I want to point out the major difference between the Danish bag parties and the keggers in North America. The bag parties are intended to be supervised and alcohol consumption is done in moderation. The keggers here are not generally supervised (at least not by a responsible adult) and the teens often drink themselves sick. There is destruction of property, drunk driving accidents, physical and sexual assaults. It's not a good situation because the teens (most anyway) end up binge drinking.

I am somewhat shocked that stricter laws result in binge drinking done in secret. We do have binge drinking holidays for +18 (Bulgaria took over as leading country from Spain so they could rebuilt their country after 50 years of communist rule) and some non-responsible parents did let 16 and 17 years old attend when they marketed "reading vacations" in the spring up to the exams and some got too much and I have to point out that I find absolutely no reason for any youth under 18 to leave his or her own country without the parents regardless of other parental presence or not. Not even on school trips.

I have learned so much by being here about cultural differences. While I would find it safe to have unsupervised parties for 15-18 years here it stops at the border. Alcohol is too serious a thing to avoid teaching into it and I understand now that we are somewhat unique in that aspect.

 

[Ephchap]

Although I have a son who had serious substance abuse problems and alcohol problems, trust me when I say that I NEVER allowed underage drinking in my home. I know when my son was a troubled teen, they always went to one home where, I'm not so sure it was allowed, but the parents weren't around much and obviously had their heads in the sand.

To think that a parent would allow the young teens at their home to drink and then get in a car and drive just makes my head spin.

I also applaud that you've had the opportunity to speak to young groups about the dangers. Thanks for your input.

Deb

 

[Anaheimfan]

On the subject of the parents letting the kids drive home, I figure I'll bring up the awesome new law that is in place in Canada. If someone drives home drunk from a party and injures themselves or someone else in an accident, the host of the party can be held legally responsible for letting them go. It won't neccessarily stop bad stuff from happening, but it will certainly put the blame where it belongs.

It is amazing how deep some parents' heads are in the sand...I think some of them got their heads somewhere else, but that's just MHO.

Obviously, my feelings for the subject of parents allowing underage alcohol/drug abuse to happen in their home, and let their children facilitate it are very strong (shown by the number of censored spots in my first post) But I believe that all of the fine people here have summed up my thoughts very well, and you've also helped me collect my thoughts--which is why my posts grow less and less heated

 

[tiredmommy]

We have a similar law here and my sense is that some people will always be irresponsible but the threat of being sued for everything one owns has curbed the illegal behavior in many host's homes.

 

[maril]

It is amazing how deep some parents' heads are in the sand...I think some of them got their heads somewhere else, but that's just MHO.

I had to laugh...:grins: