Did I speak too soon? OMG I wish I knew how to handle them.

[Shari]

First, I must say, Beth, the saddle shooting comment...OMG too funny.

Got home tonight and husband had planned to cut up deer from hunting this weekend. We did 2 last night, so I assumed we were doing the same.

Nope, he wants to go to his mom and dad's shop. I ask why, there's no heat and its cold and it worked fine here. Well, he jibber-jabbered around and finally said "cause nephew is cutting his up out there and I need to help him. I know you're angry, but this is easier for me."

The feces hit the rotating blades. And I refused.

husband is angry with me. He says his mom called and we ARE going to Thanksgiving out there this weekend, and we all WILL have a discussion about this because HE'S tired of it. I told him last night that easy child 1 will not go, and I most likely won't go. Apparently he didn't think I was serious.

I know I will never change Two Brooms. I also know that I will not stand for her 20 year old grandson to do the same things. What I don't know is how to continue existing with them in my lives - every day she calls husband while I sit there and I listen to her carry on about how he is, how easy child 2 is, blah blah blah, while nada about the rest of us; she uses MY stuff and MY land without even a consideration to me; she yelled at ME, whom she never talks to, because she didn't know difficult child 1 got married - she drove THRU MY YARD past him without stopping several times while he was home on leave, and talked to husband daily! How is this MY problem?

Thanksgiving dinner is not the time to have this conversation. I don't really think there is a point to even having it, but now I'm debating it.

Wish I knew what to do. And why do I always feel guilty about standing up for myself and my kids???

 

[flutterbee]

Are you kidding? What is this WE carp? What do YOU have to discuss?

If you ask me, the conversation should go like this:

husband to Two Brooms: Shari, difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 are MY family and if you cannot treat them as such then you will no longer be welcome at OUR house. And should I choose to attend family functions, it will be solo.

But, seeing as that is probably not how it will play out, I'd skip Thanksgiving dinner. She's not going to change and there is no reason for you or your kids to tolerate her behavior.

 

[KTMom91]

I'm so sorry he's being such a poophead.

I agree with Heather...I'd stay home and keep my kids home with me. Or take them out to a nice Thanksgiving dinner, and let husband do whatever. His loyalty lies with his mama, not with you, and he is so wrong. Sounds very similar to Useless Boy's logic. It really stinks.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Many hugs on this.

beth

 

[trinityroyal]

Shari, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I think you should print out the speech Heather wrote in very large letters and give it to husband. His loyalty is supposed to be with his family (i.e. YOU and YOUR CHILDREN). If that means standing up to Two Brooms, then he should get on with it.

In your shoes, I wouldn't go to Thanksgiving dinner either. I agree that it's not the time or place to have the conversation you need to have with mother in law. I also agree that it's husband who should be laying down the law, not you.

What kind of message does he think it sends to easy child 1 when husband happily hangs around with the nephew who dropped him in it up to the neck?!

Steams me up!

{{{Hugs}}}

 

[nvts]

Hey! Glad I could bring a smile!

Listen: I've been hosting Thanksgiving for my family for 25 years (since my Mom died). About 2 years ago, a couple of the "sisters" decided to hold all the holidays hostage and not attend. Now, mind you, they were wrong - not for "not attending" just that their position was absolutely mean and cruel - but: they took a stand and it was very, very clear that they had something to say. It was a wake-up call basically.

I too, would memorize what Heather said and tell husband how he's supposed to be backing you and yours up rather than his mom.

You can go to the grocery store and get a "catered in" Turkey Day feast very inexpensively OR you can go to a shelter hand hand out dinner rolls!

But if you want to really drive the point home - you'll definately do it by not attending. I caution you though: make sure that the point is worth the arguements with husband and that you're committed to your position. You'll lose credibility if you go back and forth and back and forth.

Otherwise, fly out this way, NO ONE would notice any extra people at our dinner table!

Beth