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Did not think I would be back...
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 487583" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Wow, you sound like you are in this alone! When typical parenting doesn't work then we really have to look elsewhere. If I would have heard the ODD ****-ola at that age I woudl have laughed in this guys face. I am an early interventionist and even with that, it was hard for me to accept some things. I knew that he probably had delays due to a brain mass/surgery. But when i adopted him, I was told he had a great prognosis. I thought (wonderful me, lol) that I had all the connections and experience to get him thru this. </p><p></p><p></p><p>The self injury, rigid thinking (the movement of the cup, etc) wanting certain things HIS way and only his way, etc... can be many things, usually the "ODD" is just that they dont have the coping ability, often due to a neurological issue. This level of behavior can be due to several conditions, I am most familiar with autism and kids with autism are often cognitively FINE (as your son is) and even very bright (though many are delayed too, mine is but has great strenghs). They can't be in groups well, they have a hard time playing with others well, are overwhelmed when there are changes in the environment or schedule. </p><p></p><p>medications help some things but it is really matching the teaching and parenting to the learning style of the child. If you can get a neuropsychologist evaluation, those are the people who connect behaviors to how the brain works. They can help you sort through what might be going on and get past the snap judgement labels that doctors often give. </p><p></p><p>(another option is a developmental pediatrician, there is one mom here who is referred to that kind of setting, I have a pediatrician. who is similar to a developmental peditrician, and also use neuro psychology, I also have my son go to private therapies...on and off thru his life)</p><p></p><p>As I said, I get how hard it is when you are doing it mostly alone.... and I realy hope for you that someone will help you sort this out. It is really unfair to a child to be mislabeled, and it will happen in the schools even if you dont want them to label him.... the coffee room talk will be that he is a behavior problem (at best). It is so much better to have a correct diagnosis/label. </p><p></p><p>Of course you know your child, and if this seems off to you, please ignore, it is only out of support I share because now being further down the road, it is hard to feel regrets. the ONE thing that is undesputed, early intervention is correlated with better long term outcomes. You still have an amazing chance to have him not develop more mal-adaptive behavior. Strict parenting only works if the child can process it and is not wired in a different way. I have said a million times, if it would work, it would have worked LONG ago. IT only takes a few weeks to months to tell if a behavior intervention is working. IF you are being strict and he is still overwhelmed and having meltdowns/tantrums he needs a different method of intervention. Probably more to do with arranging his world to match how he sees things (nto sayng give in, I mean like for my son, I know first times of doing things is hard, changing without a lot of prep is hard, etc. He is also more visual when upset...so we write the ruies or changes down... like 3 minutes and we leave... or a little story about going out to the store, in pictures only when he was young). He also needed testing for how he used his fine motor skills and visual processing... (Occupational Therapy) which would maybe help with your son too, if he is struggling with reading/writing in school.... Please dont assume it is willfull until you check it out (if you haven't aleady that is) because again, it feels AWFUL to find out you were punishing something that ended up being beyond their ability to control. They often do have on purpose inappropriate behaviors, but they are in response to not being ABLE to do better. Does that make sense? This is NOT a criticism, please know I am just sharing from my past regrets and having been in similar shoes. You have my full support in any decision because YOU live with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 487583, member: 12886"] Wow, you sound like you are in this alone! When typical parenting doesn't work then we really have to look elsewhere. If I would have heard the ODD ****-ola at that age I woudl have laughed in this guys face. I am an early interventionist and even with that, it was hard for me to accept some things. I knew that he probably had delays due to a brain mass/surgery. But when i adopted him, I was told he had a great prognosis. I thought (wonderful me, lol) that I had all the connections and experience to get him thru this. The self injury, rigid thinking (the movement of the cup, etc) wanting certain things HIS way and only his way, etc... can be many things, usually the "ODD" is just that they dont have the coping ability, often due to a neurological issue. This level of behavior can be due to several conditions, I am most familiar with autism and kids with autism are often cognitively FINE (as your son is) and even very bright (though many are delayed too, mine is but has great strenghs). They can't be in groups well, they have a hard time playing with others well, are overwhelmed when there are changes in the environment or schedule. medications help some things but it is really matching the teaching and parenting to the learning style of the child. If you can get a neuropsychologist evaluation, those are the people who connect behaviors to how the brain works. They can help you sort through what might be going on and get past the snap judgement labels that doctors often give. (another option is a developmental pediatrician, there is one mom here who is referred to that kind of setting, I have a pediatrician. who is similar to a developmental peditrician, and also use neuro psychology, I also have my son go to private therapies...on and off thru his life) As I said, I get how hard it is when you are doing it mostly alone.... and I realy hope for you that someone will help you sort this out. It is really unfair to a child to be mislabeled, and it will happen in the schools even if you dont want them to label him.... the coffee room talk will be that he is a behavior problem (at best). It is so much better to have a correct diagnosis/label. Of course you know your child, and if this seems off to you, please ignore, it is only out of support I share because now being further down the road, it is hard to feel regrets. the ONE thing that is undesputed, early intervention is correlated with better long term outcomes. You still have an amazing chance to have him not develop more mal-adaptive behavior. Strict parenting only works if the child can process it and is not wired in a different way. I have said a million times, if it would work, it would have worked LONG ago. IT only takes a few weeks to months to tell if a behavior intervention is working. IF you are being strict and he is still overwhelmed and having meltdowns/tantrums he needs a different method of intervention. Probably more to do with arranging his world to match how he sees things (nto sayng give in, I mean like for my son, I know first times of doing things is hard, changing without a lot of prep is hard, etc. He is also more visual when upset...so we write the ruies or changes down... like 3 minutes and we leave... or a little story about going out to the store, in pictures only when he was young). He also needed testing for how he used his fine motor skills and visual processing... (Occupational Therapy) which would maybe help with your son too, if he is struggling with reading/writing in school.... Please dont assume it is willfull until you check it out (if you haven't aleady that is) because again, it feels AWFUL to find out you were punishing something that ended up being beyond their ability to control. They often do have on purpose inappropriate behaviors, but they are in response to not being ABLE to do better. Does that make sense? This is NOT a criticism, please know I am just sharing from my past regrets and having been in similar shoes. You have my full support in any decision because YOU live with him. [/QUOTE]
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