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Did You Ever Dream........
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 81920" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>Right when the kids were about ready to leave the nest, difficult child had her baby, who is now wife's and my second-time-around child. She is six. My 48th birthday was this past Friday. When she is 18 I'll be 60. wife's card to me said, "When it is finally just the two of us we won't know what to do with ourselves."</p><p></p><p>With pushing difficult child out of the nest (again), progress is slow and painful but it is progress. For a while she was in a three-quarters house, riding the bus or paying friends for rides and eventually making a down payment on a car of her own. That was sooo nice while it lasted. But then difficult child imploded (again -- thus my user name). Eventually she checked herself into detox and then rehab, and we've been giving her a place to stay and transportation as long as she lives by the rules and makes progress. We got past "you have to get a job", "you have to start paying us rent", "no you can't 'borrow' $10". We are now working on "look up the schedule and ride the bus/train or find somebody else to drive": she is absolutely banned from driving our car, which meant in her mind that we owe her taxi service, but she has been taking more responsibility lately. It always comes down to us mustering the gumption to lay down the law, followed by tears and tantrums, followed by acceptance. </p><p></p><p>So I still have hope of the mythical time of independence. Right about the time the kids have to ship me off to the nursing home, probably.</p><p></p><p>difficult child does not help much with her child. Two and half years ago, when she was out on the street for an extended time, we went to court and were officially made guardians. The two of them have more of a big-sister/little-sister relationship than mother/daughter, despite the age difference, since difficult child's mental age is so much less than her chronological age. difficult child is just too wrapped up in herself to really connect to her daughter. She loves her, and will get down and play with her for 15 minutes, but quickly grows tired and irritable. We actually don't push difficult child to have a more involved/responsible role than she does, since our gr.daughter actually bonded with her gr.mother in the maternal role pretty much from birth.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 81920, member: 3485"] Right when the kids were about ready to leave the nest, difficult child had her baby, who is now wife's and my second-time-around child. She is six. My 48th birthday was this past Friday. When she is 18 I'll be 60. wife's card to me said, "When it is finally just the two of us we won't know what to do with ourselves." With pushing difficult child out of the nest (again), progress is slow and painful but it is progress. For a while she was in a three-quarters house, riding the bus or paying friends for rides and eventually making a down payment on a car of her own. That was sooo nice while it lasted. But then difficult child imploded (again -- thus my user name). Eventually she checked herself into detox and then rehab, and we've been giving her a place to stay and transportation as long as she lives by the rules and makes progress. We got past "you have to get a job", "you have to start paying us rent", "no you can't 'borrow' $10". We are now working on "look up the schedule and ride the bus/train or find somebody else to drive": she is absolutely banned from driving our car, which meant in her mind that we owe her taxi service, but she has been taking more responsibility lately. It always comes down to us mustering the gumption to lay down the law, followed by tears and tantrums, followed by acceptance. So I still have hope of the mythical time of independence. Right about the time the kids have to ship me off to the nursing home, probably. difficult child does not help much with her child. Two and half years ago, when she was out on the street for an extended time, we went to court and were officially made guardians. The two of them have more of a big-sister/little-sister relationship than mother/daughter, despite the age difference, since difficult child's mental age is so much less than her chronological age. difficult child is just too wrapped up in herself to really connect to her daughter. She loves her, and will get down and play with her for 15 minutes, but quickly grows tired and irritable. We actually don't push difficult child to have a more involved/responsible role than she does, since our gr.daughter actually bonded with her gr.mother in the maternal role pretty much from birth. [/QUOTE]
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