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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 240182" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Awww Starbie. I'm so sorry. I can relate to those doggone 3 a.m. jolting (electrical?) wake ups with our difficult child being the only subject on our mind. Impossible to redirect, and then the body's physiologic response to stress kicks in - heart rate, breathing, sweating - and it all circles until hours later we're a puddle of motherhood and have not solved a darn thing, have gotten no rest, and still have to go on and carry through the day like we semi-have it together. What a big fat joke.</p><p> </p><p>I don't have any suggestions for you, hon. On the one hand, it sounds like Dude is making some efforts at getting it together. On the other... is home his cryptonite? Will he revert to old habits? It's a huge gamble at least in terms of your well-being.</p><p> </p><p>I think at the end of the day you have to do what you know you need to do, whatever that is. You have to be able to live with your choices. </p><p> </p><p>When thank you tested positive for meth at the beginning of the month, it scared the stuffing out of husband and me. I mean... visions of being called to ID our son at the morgue kind of scared. We did something I didn't think we'd do again. We started talks about him coming home. Not because he's stable or compliant or showing one iota of getting his stuff together but because at the very core of it all, we love this boy and we think home is the one slim chance of keeping him from disappearing forever. If we didn't make the offer? We don't think we could live with thinking we didn't try *everything*. I think it's futile in thank you's case but... not because we didn't do all we could think of. The one caveat is that he has to show minimal participation in the plan - and that's thank you's cryptonite, doing for himself.</p><p> </p><p>There isn't a right answer, Star - I'm beginning to wonder if there ever was one. As with everything else over the years, I think you need to follow your heart (it's a good heart) and do what you think is right, both for you and for Dude. I think you need to remember to keep you and DF safe (physically and emotionally), and that it's ok and possibly quite reasonable at some point to just say "no". At what point is something you will know.</p><p> </p><p>I don't imagine that lump in the throat or the ache in our heart is ever going to go away when it comes to our difficult children.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs, hon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 240182, member: 8"] Awww Starbie. I'm so sorry. I can relate to those doggone 3 a.m. jolting (electrical?) wake ups with our difficult child being the only subject on our mind. Impossible to redirect, and then the body's physiologic response to stress kicks in - heart rate, breathing, sweating - and it all circles until hours later we're a puddle of motherhood and have not solved a darn thing, have gotten no rest, and still have to go on and carry through the day like we semi-have it together. What a big fat joke. I don't have any suggestions for you, hon. On the one hand, it sounds like Dude is making some efforts at getting it together. On the other... is home his cryptonite? Will he revert to old habits? It's a huge gamble at least in terms of your well-being. I think at the end of the day you have to do what you know you need to do, whatever that is. You have to be able to live with your choices. When thank you tested positive for meth at the beginning of the month, it scared the stuffing out of husband and me. I mean... visions of being called to ID our son at the morgue kind of scared. We did something I didn't think we'd do again. We started talks about him coming home. Not because he's stable or compliant or showing one iota of getting his stuff together but because at the very core of it all, we love this boy and we think home is the one slim chance of keeping him from disappearing forever. If we didn't make the offer? We don't think we could live with thinking we didn't try *everything*. I think it's futile in thank you's case but... not because we didn't do all we could think of. The one caveat is that he has to show minimal participation in the plan - and that's thank you's cryptonite, doing for himself. There isn't a right answer, Star - I'm beginning to wonder if there ever was one. As with everything else over the years, I think you need to follow your heart (it's a good heart) and do what you think is right, both for you and for Dude. I think you need to remember to keep you and DF safe (physically and emotionally), and that it's ok and possibly quite reasonable at some point to just say "no". At what point is something you will know. I don't imagine that lump in the throat or the ache in our heart is ever going to go away when it comes to our difficult children. Hugs, hon. [/QUOTE]
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