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difficult child 1 forged my signature (again)!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 135869" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm thinking, since those sheets went in late, that his anxiety levels were building and building, and with all the other stress factors around (and I include his own GFGness too) he just took what he thought was the fast way out to reduce his stress and stop the teacher threatening to fail him.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others - he needs motivation, not punishment. He also needs to learn to motivate himself. Practice IS boring unless you can find ways to liven it up. When I was a kid, my music practice included a vast amount of playing scales. I've noticed that difficult child 3's practice didn't involve scales much at all, except for him to be able to play them on demand. Instead, he could choose the music he wanted to practice, and would then sit with the teacher to work out the dynamics. When I started to practice piano just by playing tunes and my favourite pieces, then buying sheet music of things I really wanted to learn, I did so much better. I wouldn't let myself buy a new piece unless I had mastered the previous one.</p><p></p><p>I was also self-conscious about people hearing me practice - I like to have an empty house. And then the silence was too scary, I had to overcome the fear of making a noise, if you can understand.</p><p></p><p>If you make a reward very immediate, perhaps tie it into his game time, then add in your own enthusiastic congratulations for getting it done, this could turn around the problem. A difficult child is often worse at organising himself, needs more encouragement and sometimes step-by-step hand holding, to do it. And they get frustrated and angry with themselves, too. I suspect your getting angry with him is nowhere near as harsh as the things he's quietly telling himself.</p><p></p><p>We also set time limits for gaming. It's not permitted during school hours even if he is sick. If he's too sick to work, then he's too sick for anything. But a sick kid can always go to bed and sleep, he's allowed to do that.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 now understands, the work won't do itself. While he's sick, or busy, or not wanting to do work, it piles up. And even if it's no fault of his, the backlog still has to be dealt with. In mainstream, procrastination was rewarded eventually by a reduced workload - there was no accountability, if they simply said, "You don't have to do it." It's taken a lot of effort and reconditioning to get to where we are now.</p><p></p><p>Another reward idea recommended by difficult child 3's therapist, which we used for a while - for certain accomplishments (in our case, a day with no meltdowns AT ALL) he was rewarded with computer game time, with me playing alongside. We first did it for half an hour, because he needed a big incentive. But therapist said to avoid material rewards, hence computer game time with me as a reward.</p><p></p><p>I must confess, I am now using material rewards, but I still sometimes give an extra incentive of, "When you finish the week's work on time, I will play games with you," and it really works. There is so much about his gaming that he wants to share with me. With anyone. He delights in teaching me how to play.</p><p></p><p>We sometimes make the mistake (and teachers make this mistake the most) of having easy child expectations for a difficult child, thinking that forcing them to comply with the expectation is going to instantly eliminate all GFGness. It's like teachers who STILL say with concern, when they hear that difficult child 3 is studying from home, "But what about social interaction? Shouldn't he be with other children in a mainstream setting, to learn social skills?"</p><p>They are often shocked when I tell them that mainstream school is not only a very artificial and often unique social setting, but also an inappropriate one for an autistic kid. Kids with autism DO NOT pick up social skills by osmosis, and the more you try to force the issue, the more random and often chaotic is the message the kid gets.</p><p></p><p>And it's the same with personal organisation stuff - if a kid simply isn't ready, they're not ready. Would you expect a 9 month old baby to get the washing in, fold it neatly and put it away?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 135869, member: 1991"] I'm thinking, since those sheets went in late, that his anxiety levels were building and building, and with all the other stress factors around (and I include his own GFGness too) he just took what he thought was the fast way out to reduce his stress and stop the teacher threatening to fail him. I agree with the others - he needs motivation, not punishment. He also needs to learn to motivate himself. Practice IS boring unless you can find ways to liven it up. When I was a kid, my music practice included a vast amount of playing scales. I've noticed that difficult child 3's practice didn't involve scales much at all, except for him to be able to play them on demand. Instead, he could choose the music he wanted to practice, and would then sit with the teacher to work out the dynamics. When I started to practice piano just by playing tunes and my favourite pieces, then buying sheet music of things I really wanted to learn, I did so much better. I wouldn't let myself buy a new piece unless I had mastered the previous one. I was also self-conscious about people hearing me practice - I like to have an empty house. And then the silence was too scary, I had to overcome the fear of making a noise, if you can understand. If you make a reward very immediate, perhaps tie it into his game time, then add in your own enthusiastic congratulations for getting it done, this could turn around the problem. A difficult child is often worse at organising himself, needs more encouragement and sometimes step-by-step hand holding, to do it. And they get frustrated and angry with themselves, too. I suspect your getting angry with him is nowhere near as harsh as the things he's quietly telling himself. We also set time limits for gaming. It's not permitted during school hours even if he is sick. If he's too sick to work, then he's too sick for anything. But a sick kid can always go to bed and sleep, he's allowed to do that. difficult child 3 now understands, the work won't do itself. While he's sick, or busy, or not wanting to do work, it piles up. And even if it's no fault of his, the backlog still has to be dealt with. In mainstream, procrastination was rewarded eventually by a reduced workload - there was no accountability, if they simply said, "You don't have to do it." It's taken a lot of effort and reconditioning to get to where we are now. Another reward idea recommended by difficult child 3's therapist, which we used for a while - for certain accomplishments (in our case, a day with no meltdowns AT ALL) he was rewarded with computer game time, with me playing alongside. We first did it for half an hour, because he needed a big incentive. But therapist said to avoid material rewards, hence computer game time with me as a reward. I must confess, I am now using material rewards, but I still sometimes give an extra incentive of, "When you finish the week's work on time, I will play games with you," and it really works. There is so much about his gaming that he wants to share with me. With anyone. He delights in teaching me how to play. We sometimes make the mistake (and teachers make this mistake the most) of having easy child expectations for a difficult child, thinking that forcing them to comply with the expectation is going to instantly eliminate all GFGness. It's like teachers who STILL say with concern, when they hear that difficult child 3 is studying from home, "But what about social interaction? Shouldn't he be with other children in a mainstream setting, to learn social skills?" They are often shocked when I tell them that mainstream school is not only a very artificial and often unique social setting, but also an inappropriate one for an autistic kid. Kids with autism DO NOT pick up social skills by osmosis, and the more you try to force the issue, the more random and often chaotic is the message the kid gets. And it's the same with personal organisation stuff - if a kid simply isn't ready, they're not ready. Would you expect a 9 month old baby to get the washing in, fold it neatly and put it away? Marg [/QUOTE]
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