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General Parenting
difficult child 1 forged my signature (again)!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 135879" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I also agree with the need to motivate, not punish. I think that some heavy labor to make up the stress and effort you put into this would be appropriate. I know that heavy yard work was part of what turned my difficult child around. He had all that physical labor to work out his anger on.</p><p> </p><p>I think that maybe an equal amount of computer, tv or game time to the time he spends practicing might work. No practice, no "screen time". I know one family with severe difficult children who have had much luck with that.</p><p> </p><p>He may have seen how stressed you were, been scared about his dad, thought that dad needed you more than he did. So he "took care of it" to help out. Not logical to US, but it would be to a child, esp a difficult child. He may not have wanted to take your attention from dad in the fear that something would happen to dad. Then it would be HIS (difficult child's ) fault IN HIS MIND, not in reality, that something bad happened to his dad.</p><p> </p><p>This is the way many of our kids seem to think. Maybe, if this is what happened, you need to give him the heavy labor to "Pay you back for the stress and effort you used up dealing with this". Love and Logic Parenting has a lot of info on this strategy. I have found it extremely useful.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 135879, member: 1233"] I also agree with the need to motivate, not punish. I think that some heavy labor to make up the stress and effort you put into this would be appropriate. I know that heavy yard work was part of what turned my difficult child around. He had all that physical labor to work out his anger on. I think that maybe an equal amount of computer, tv or game time to the time he spends practicing might work. No practice, no "screen time". I know one family with severe difficult children who have had much luck with that. He may have seen how stressed you were, been scared about his dad, thought that dad needed you more than he did. So he "took care of it" to help out. Not logical to US, but it would be to a child, esp a difficult child. He may not have wanted to take your attention from dad in the fear that something would happen to dad. Then it would be HIS (difficult child's ) fault IN HIS MIND, not in reality, that something bad happened to his dad. This is the way many of our kids seem to think. Maybe, if this is what happened, you need to give him the heavy labor to "Pay you back for the stress and effort you used up dealing with this". Love and Logic Parenting has a lot of info on this strategy. I have found it extremely useful. Hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 1 forged my signature (again)!
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