difficult child 1 got kicked off bus ggggrrrrrrr

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by weenie1, Dec 3, 2008.

  1. weenie1

    weenie1 crazy mom

    difficult child 1 got into a fight on Mon 1st day back after break. It was on the bus, a boy was calling him names so he hit him 2 times. He had already been warned that if he got into another fight he would get kicked off.
    can't ride for 3 days, took him to school this morinin and was going to take easy child at 11 and ran out of gas. Don't know how difficult child 1 is going to get home, still trying to call people.
    difficult child 1 is grounded till I have'nt decided yet. If he misses too many more days will be in 5 th grade again next year. So I have to find him a way to school the next 2 days. The psychiatrist put him on invega 3mg, Mon of last week. I put in a call to let her know what was going on per her request, still waiting for return call.

    I am already stressed enough, I don't need this other bs. I had warned him about getting kicked off the bus, but naturally he does not care. I just don't know if I can keep dealing with this, I am ready to walk out the door. I know that my problems with difficult child's are nothing compared to the rest of you guys but it is more than I can handle, I don't know how you guys do this.
     
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Weenie -

    We do "it" just like you do. We dive in, do our best, learn to hold our breath longer than most mothers and WALK away and gather our thoughts when we're at the brink. Sounds to me like you're the one running out of gas. (sorry) lol.

    Call the district's school psychiatrist or someone who is in the district office OVER all the psychologists and tell them you must get some help. Can he offer a mentor /shadow for your son to ride the bus with? The school district CAN pay for this if you push it through his IEP.

    Can you afford a taxi?

    Can you find another Mom in the neighborhood and ask her to help you?

    Can the school send his assignments home and get dropped off by another neighbor kid? Or teacher? Or psychologist?

    Does he need to go inpatient for being a danger to self and others for a medications tweak?

    Can you get RESPITE through some agency where foster people take your son for a weekend so you can recouperate?


    Hang tough kiddo - You're on the right path.....and you are a TERRIFIC Mom with a kid that is making poor choices.

    Can he WALK home? (I did that to Dude once when he got booted from the bus. OMG I even chained his bike up outside the school and everything) Told him as I dropped him off in the morning - THERE is your bike.....ride home, key under mat, under pain of death don't touch a thing." and then .....picked him up later that day, put the bike in the trunk and said - IF YOU EVER get kicked off the bus for your poor choices - YOU wlil figure out HOW YOU will get HOME......I'm NOT coming to get you....and I meant it. The walk was nearly 3 miles. He never goofed on the bus again and this kid didnt' care about ANYTHING.

    Don't make it your problem - let him figure it out and stop relying on you to fix it when he messes up. He has to repeat 5th grade? So be it. Pushing him through is not going to help. HIS CHOICE. But - you can amend his IEP to help him. (your choice)

    Hugs
    Star
     
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. I hate school buses. When difficult child rode them, he got kicked of about 3-5 times a year. Now we are so close to the school he has to walk or ride his bike, and only gets in trouble on the way to or from school. Can't win for losing.

    Hang in there, do something for you.
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Weenie, I am so sorry.
    I know how you feel.

    I agree with Star--don't make it your problem. Let HIM figure it out.
    Easier said than done. I have to learn to calm down faster so that I can get back to work instead of pacing for hrs,
    or worse.

    I'm sure you've already done this, but during a calm moment, sit him down and ask him what he thinks he could have done differently.
    Really. He can learn. He will remember this.

    Can you get a friend to take him to school? Maybe call another mom who doesn't live too far away, and offer to return the favor sometime?
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    And I am sure the little name caller was not confronted about his part in this? He should get into trouble for calling names. That is how bullies get their start - they verbally harass and then their victim gets in trouble by trying to stop the harassing. That empowers the bully who will grow into more and more cruel behavior.

    Let your difficult child know that everytime he fights back the "bully" gets to win. The bully goes home and laughs that difficult child got in trouble. When I was about 8 - 9 yrs old, the kids on the bus would try to get me to fight. I would always reply, "You can't get me mad enough!" I would ignore everything they said knowing they were just words made up to get me mad. The more frustrated they got, the more I would laugh and say, "Nope, not mad!". They soon gave up on me and moved to someone else to harass.

    School busses do not have supervision and have become training grounds for bullys and torture chambers for victims. And we all know it is the victim who will be punished because "Kids will be kids - let them call each other names and tease each other - what does it hurt?" attitude from too many in leadership roles. So, kids are allowed to be as mean and rotten as they want as long as they don't destroy property or physically harm someone. Too many leaders think that mental anguish is not important.
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry, this stinks. Sending gentle hugs your way.
     
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi,

    I'm sorry also to hear that. Star gave you some good ideas. It does get to be too much at times, yet if you can find a quiet spot "scream as loud as possible", release your aggrivation and built up tension, then you move on to the options to fix the situation. You can do it, it may not feel that way but you really can.

    It can be so so challenging sometimes, yet we are all here for you.

    (((((hugs))))))
     
  8. weenie1

    weenie1 crazy mom

    difficult child got off to school this morning and back home. He is doing good, I still have not decided how long I am going to ground him. It is driving him crazy not knowing.lol. I am only to let him think about it for a while.

    I am trying to tech him that words are just that, words. He just does not understand that. I have told him that the kids that are calling him names are not happy with themselves that why they are picking on him. I know what it is like to get picked on, but when I was in high school i started taking things into my own hands and it stopped.

    I know it is hard for him to understand that words are just words, at 11 things hurt. I wish that these kids parents could see what kind of pain that their kids are causing mine.

    I decided if this kid keeps calling difficult child 1 names than I am going to request a conf. with the teachers, principal, school counsler and the kids parents. If that don't work i am going to go to the school board and if that don't work I will go to the local TV station. I will bring up all of the tragedies that have happened at these schools where the bullies were not stopped. Our school has a no tessing and no bulling policy which I am going to make sure it gets inforced.

    difficult child does not have to put up with this. I am going to make a stand and do what I have to do.
     
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