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difficult child 1 has made it clear she wants nothing to do with us
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 641455"><p>Hey cubsgirl -- lots of hugs for your hurting heart.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child was very much the same way. I remember once posting that my frustration that my board "sisters" were trying to detach from their difficult children and it was my difficult child who completely detached from me. I wanted more contact! "Their" difficult children were acting out in all manners to get attention, stay dependent, live at home etc and my difficult child left us and never looked back!</p><p></p><p>My therapist told me I needed to give my difficult child the space to miss us. It was really hard. I'd do well for a couple of weeks and then send a nonchalant text like "hi" and then panic when he ignored it which would then turn into another text, followed by a desperate voice mail and all attempts at "giving space" would come undone.</p><p></p><p>While our relationship has improved tremendously since then- there's a part of him desperately tries to avoid even an inkling of us having an expectation of knowing where he is. Sometimes, he will volunteer the information. But if I ask him (Where are you headed? Are u in town? etc) I can see him bristle or there is a pause over the phone. I don't get it- never will. That's where my kid has "hung his hat" so to speak- the notion that "where he is is" is none of our business and that notion is where he stakes his independence.</p><p></p><p>Of course it's ridiculous because being petulant and not letting your parents know where you live/are is completely the opposite of being mature & capable. It's toddler-like.</p><p></p><p>Again- I feel your pain. I pass along the advice that you need to "give her enough space to miss you." I didn't do so great with it myself but I do think</p><p>It helped when I finally suceeded. It was really hard to do. It went against every instinct I have as a mother and I not sure he ever truly missed us. He interpreted any overtures to him as a threat to his independence. He would react accordingly and we would be back to square 1. I had to will myself not chase him and to pretend I was ok with it. It sure took a long time to settle down and I don't think he will ever be completely forthcoming with us.</p><p></p><p>{{{hugs}}}</p><p></p><p>PS- I did hurt like heck. Broke my heart, still does- my eyes are tearing up as I write this. Never in a million years did I think my child would reject me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 641455"] Hey cubsgirl -- lots of hugs for your hurting heart. My difficult child was very much the same way. I remember once posting that my frustration that my board "sisters" were trying to detach from their difficult children and it was my difficult child who completely detached from me. I wanted more contact! "Their" difficult children were acting out in all manners to get attention, stay dependent, live at home etc and my difficult child left us and never looked back! My therapist told me I needed to give my difficult child the space to miss us. It was really hard. I'd do well for a couple of weeks and then send a nonchalant text like "hi" and then panic when he ignored it which would then turn into another text, followed by a desperate voice mail and all attempts at "giving space" would come undone. While our relationship has improved tremendously since then- there's a part of him desperately tries to avoid even an inkling of us having an expectation of knowing where he is. Sometimes, he will volunteer the information. But if I ask him (Where are you headed? Are u in town? etc) I can see him bristle or there is a pause over the phone. I don't get it- never will. That's where my kid has "hung his hat" so to speak- the notion that "where he is is" is none of our business and that notion is where he stakes his independence. Of course it's ridiculous because being petulant and not letting your parents know where you live/are is completely the opposite of being mature & capable. It's toddler-like. Again- I feel your pain. I pass along the advice that you need to "give her enough space to miss you." I didn't do so great with it myself but I do think It helped when I finally suceeded. It was really hard to do. It went against every instinct I have as a mother and I not sure he ever truly missed us. He interpreted any overtures to him as a threat to his independence. He would react accordingly and we would be back to square 1. I had to will myself not chase him and to pretend I was ok with it. It sure took a long time to settle down and I don't think he will ever be completely forthcoming with us. {{{hugs}}} PS- I did hurt like heck. Broke my heart, still does- my eyes are tearing up as I write this. Never in a million years did I think my child would reject me. [/QUOTE]
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