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difficult child 1 has made it clear she wants nothing to do with us
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 641805" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>What has transpired with your daughter since she refused to provide her address, Cubsgirl? My son did something similar this summer. Everyone at his house has a summer birthday. I wasn't able to send cards or money, and on the rare occasions my son would deign to speak to me, he was mad as could be.</p><p></p><p>It was suggested that I might look the address up online. I opted not to do that. I think that while it was hard for me not to send the cards and be part of the family in that way, it was a mark of respect to my son that I accepted his decision.</p><p></p><p>I think that acceptance on my part, that lack of resistance, gave my son a time away, maybe gave him a time to realize I was not the enemy. It is hard for the kids too, when things go wrong in the family. We are all trying to deal with what we perceive as hurtful, confusing situations as best we know.</p><p></p><p>These missed opportunities for interaction were a sadness to me all through the summer and early Fall. But that time when he was calling the shots seemed to clear the air for my son.</p><p></p><p>I am happy with the way the experience concluded.</p><p></p><p>I don't understand his anger, but I don't see from his perspective, either. </p><p></p><p>I think maybe we are rebuilding relationship from the bottom up. It must be hard for the kids to always be so defensive and angry. I know I don't like it when I feel that way. </p><p></p><p>Your child is in contact with her brother, and so, you know she is alright, that she has a roof over her head, that she has food and companionship.</p><p></p><p>For now, those are good things to know. You will have to love her from a distance for this time.</p><p></p><p>It's hard to parent adult kids. Mine were using for such a long time too, of course. Drug use complicates everything.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I apologize for hijacking your thread as I did earlier, Cubsgirl. </p><p></p><p>Please excuse me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 641805, member: 17461"] What has transpired with your daughter since she refused to provide her address, Cubsgirl? My son did something similar this summer. Everyone at his house has a summer birthday. I wasn't able to send cards or money, and on the rare occasions my son would deign to speak to me, he was mad as could be. It was suggested that I might look the address up online. I opted not to do that. I think that while it was hard for me not to send the cards and be part of the family in that way, it was a mark of respect to my son that I accepted his decision. I think that acceptance on my part, that lack of resistance, gave my son a time away, maybe gave him a time to realize I was not the enemy. It is hard for the kids too, when things go wrong in the family. We are all trying to deal with what we perceive as hurtful, confusing situations as best we know. These missed opportunities for interaction were a sadness to me all through the summer and early Fall. But that time when he was calling the shots seemed to clear the air for my son. I am happy with the way the experience concluded. I don't understand his anger, but I don't see from his perspective, either. I think maybe we are rebuilding relationship from the bottom up. It must be hard for the kids to always be so defensive and angry. I know I don't like it when I feel that way. Your child is in contact with her brother, and so, you know she is alright, that she has a roof over her head, that she has food and companionship. For now, those are good things to know. You will have to love her from a distance for this time. It's hard to parent adult kids. Mine were using for such a long time too, of course. Drug use complicates everything. Cedar I apologize for hijacking your thread as I did earlier, Cubsgirl. Please excuse me. [/QUOTE]
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