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General Parenting
difficult child 13-yr old son diagnosis with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ODD ADHD Bipolar & I am at my wit's end
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<blockquote data-quote="Zardo" data-source="post: 463090" data-attributes="member: 12490"><p>Hello- I was in a similar situation about 1.5 years ago. I have a couple of thoughts - </p><p>1 - I would not rule out substance abuse. I know you said he called you to pick him up once and seems like it's not going on. You would be surprised how manipulative they can be if they are smoking pot or whatever. Maybe that one time he didn't want to or maybe it was his way of throwing you off or maybe it's just the way its seems - but this story is too familiar and not just for me. I know a lot of people with similar stories and pot is a contributing factor in all the stories. One of the shocking things for us was realizing that our son was abusing substances, pot, dip, alchohol (vodka in a soda bottle in his room for disguise -I would have never known if I didn't smell it) - alone at night. I know several parents who were shocked to find the same thing. He was more comfortabel using alone.</p><p>2 - I feel like I am always saying this, BUT , if you can afford Wilderness Therapy - it would will help calm him down, get to the bottom of his issues and work with professionals to make a plan for the next step. My son was involved in similar behaviors prior to going. He has only been home for one month, but there is no anger, he works with us at home in a loving way, he is working hard at school, attending AA meetings and talks openly about "I don't know what was wrong with me last year - this year is going to be better". I fully expect bumps in the road, but with his new-found communication skills and respect for others, we will be able to work with him and confront any problem that comes up. The anger, screaming, throwing things, disresect and lack of apathy made it so that we could not work with him before.</p><p>3 - If you cannot afford or don't want to do Wilderness - work hard to find adolescent group therapy programs near your town. The group therapy is one of the magic bullets of Wilderness. They meet in a feedback circle every day with their peers who tell them how their behavior is derailing them or how they felt when they behaved in unacceptable ways. I remember something that he was in a stand-off with us about during Wilderness, refused to talk to us and had a fit. His counselor said, "let's wait and see what happens after he presents this in group - his peers will tell him that your parents are being totally reasonable and you are being ridiculous" - sure enough - the following week - he came to the table in acceptance and ready to work things through. Hearing it from peers opens their eyes in a way that parents and therapists cannot. Infoline may help you find such programs locally. </p><p>4 - Read - "The Unchanged Mind" and "To Change a Mind" by John McKinnon (you should read both but if you can only read one - read To Change a Mind)- you will find your son on those pages and an explaination for all the "diagnosis" - you will read similar stories and get practical advise for what to do about it. These books changed my perspective and gave me and my husband the tools to deal with him and his episodes in unemotional ways.</p><p></p><p>GOOD LUCK - DON"T GIVE UP</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zardo, post: 463090, member: 12490"] Hello- I was in a similar situation about 1.5 years ago. I have a couple of thoughts - 1 - I would not rule out substance abuse. I know you said he called you to pick him up once and seems like it's not going on. You would be surprised how manipulative they can be if they are smoking pot or whatever. Maybe that one time he didn't want to or maybe it was his way of throwing you off or maybe it's just the way its seems - but this story is too familiar and not just for me. I know a lot of people with similar stories and pot is a contributing factor in all the stories. One of the shocking things for us was realizing that our son was abusing substances, pot, dip, alchohol (vodka in a soda bottle in his room for disguise -I would have never known if I didn't smell it) - alone at night. I know several parents who were shocked to find the same thing. He was more comfortabel using alone. 2 - I feel like I am always saying this, BUT , if you can afford Wilderness Therapy - it would will help calm him down, get to the bottom of his issues and work with professionals to make a plan for the next step. My son was involved in similar behaviors prior to going. He has only been home for one month, but there is no anger, he works with us at home in a loving way, he is working hard at school, attending AA meetings and talks openly about "I don't know what was wrong with me last year - this year is going to be better". I fully expect bumps in the road, but with his new-found communication skills and respect for others, we will be able to work with him and confront any problem that comes up. The anger, screaming, throwing things, disresect and lack of apathy made it so that we could not work with him before. 3 - If you cannot afford or don't want to do Wilderness - work hard to find adolescent group therapy programs near your town. The group therapy is one of the magic bullets of Wilderness. They meet in a feedback circle every day with their peers who tell them how their behavior is derailing them or how they felt when they behaved in unacceptable ways. I remember something that he was in a stand-off with us about during Wilderness, refused to talk to us and had a fit. His counselor said, "let's wait and see what happens after he presents this in group - his peers will tell him that your parents are being totally reasonable and you are being ridiculous" - sure enough - the following week - he came to the table in acceptance and ready to work things through. Hearing it from peers opens their eyes in a way that parents and therapists cannot. Infoline may help you find such programs locally. 4 - Read - "The Unchanged Mind" and "To Change a Mind" by John McKinnon (you should read both but if you can only read one - read To Change a Mind)- you will find your son on those pages and an explaination for all the "diagnosis" - you will read similar stories and get practical advise for what to do about it. These books changed my perspective and gave me and my husband the tools to deal with him and his episodes in unemotional ways. GOOD LUCK - DON"T GIVE UP [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 13-yr old son diagnosis with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ODD ADHD Bipolar & I am at my wit's end
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