difficult child 1's baby shower

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hexemaus2, Sep 20, 2008.

  1. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    We had a baby shower for difficult child 1 this evening. She enjoyed being the center of attention, but at the same time was rather heartbroken about how few of her friends came.

    Several of the guests wound up down with the stomach flu going around. (My mother being one of them.) But that's not really why 'her' friends didn't come.

    Unfortunately, difficult child 1 is learning some hard lessons about being a teen mom. Most of her friends are more concerned with getting their first car, who is taking them to prom, and whether or not they can convince their parents to extend their curfew. Meanwhile, difficult child is worrying about whether she should breast or bottle feed, which disposable diapers are the better choice, and whether or not to pay for cord bank services. Her life is taking a much different path than most of her friends. Over the last several months, more and more of her friends have pulled back. In all honesty? Only a couple of her friends are still "around" in any meaningful way.

    difficult child had alot of family and friends of the family at her shower, but in terms of her friends, only her best friend came. She was heartbroken, but unfortunately, most of us grown ups saw this coming the day we found out she was pregnant. I think in all honesty, she even knew this would happen. Today it just happened to be blazingly obvious just how few friends will actually stick with her for the long haul.

    It broke my heart to see her so saddened on a day that most women really enjoy. She did have a good time, but there was still a lingering sadness in her eyes. It's a sadness that I can't really help to ease - just one of those life lessons she has to learn on her own.

    On the bright side, she did enjoy all the traditional baby games & being the center of attention for awhile. She was laughing and talking with all her guests & trying to make sure everyone had a good time too. And let me tell ya, Miss Miranda is NOT going to be lacking in the clothing department for her first few months on this earth. lol.

    difficult child confided in me the other day how scared she is that she's going to do something wrong, or somehow mess up as a Mom. I couldn't help but giggle at her very normal last minute Mommy jitters. I felt the same way when I was nearing the end of my first pregnancy. I tried to reassure her that it's perfectly normal and healthy to be scared, but not to worry - she has live-in help for the first year since I won't let her move out until she's 18. She doesn't have to do it alone. But she's still scared - something that I actually find comforting, given her age. At least I know she's really thinking about this parenting thing & realizing what a huge responsibility it is to be a parent. That gives me hope that she and Miranda will be okay in the long run. difficult child will have her fair share of bumps and bruises along the way - just like we all do - but in all honesty, she's so determined to do the right thing & be a good Mom, I know that she'll wind up being just fine.

    I just wish she would set aside the guilt & let herself enjoy being pregnant & all the firsts she has coming. I know she kind of feels like she doesn't have the "right" to be happy or enjoy it because she's so young & isn't "supposed" to be a parent yet. Between that & losing alot of her friends over the last 8 months, she's having a lot of heartache lately. It breaks my heart for her, as your first child should be (in my eyes) a happy time of life. I wish she were having that kind of experience, rather than all of this growing up all at once stuff & the unfortunate sadness that comes with it.

    But all in all? In my heart I know she'll be okay. She's a fighter. This whole experience will serve to make her a stronger person, and a better Mom to little Miranda. She's so much like me it's scary. And I have to admit, I'm really proud of the person she's becoming. I still see glimpses of the difficult child in her, but they are becoming less and less prominent with each passing day. I don't give a hoot what other people think of her, or of me, I'm damn proud of my little girl. She's standing up and trying her best to take responsibility for herself and her soon-to-be daughter. No one can ever take that kind of progress away from her. And I can't help but be proud of her for it.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It is so hard to have friends fall away. It is also hard to be one of very few teens in a group of ladies, especially when the occasion focuses on you.

    I hope difficult child 1's best friend will continue to stay by her side.

    My easy child's best friend had a baby girl July 4, 2007, the day after she turned 17. easy child turned 17 on July 2nd of that year. easy child was the one to take her to many of her appointments. The family waited on the baptism for a weekend that easy child was home (she was on a youth gathering their original date) so she could be the baby's godmother. easy child has been so involved in her godchild's life. She is really living up to that title.

    It is good your difficult child 1 is taking this seriously and wants to be a good mom. The job of mom is hard but that baby will bring joy into your home.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, I'm glad to hear that she does take this seriously. The natural consequences will be enough of a punishment, I'm sure. She is lucky to have you helping and looking after things. Young women have made this work after giving birth younger than she is- so she can make it work too. Bless her though- it will be a lot of work and a lot of natural consequences. One of my childhood friends got prgnant at 13 yo, she had turned 14 before giving birth. She made it work, but she paid a price. And she went through as much with her child as any warrior mom here, not to mention what the baby's father (who she married) put her through. I don't condemn them, I'm not perfect either, I just feel for them because it is such a rough road.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Hex. This must be difficult for difficult child, and hard for you to watch, as well.
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh, to have to suddenly grow up so fast.

    I was "a friend" of a 16 year old who became pregnant. Unfortunately, when she became pregnant, our lives took vastly different turns. We didn't have anything to talk about anymore. She was preoccupied with motherhood. I was preoccupied with graduating.

    We had known each other since we were four. It was very difficult for me, too.

    I'm glad to know your girl is taking this seriously. As you know, it' s only just begun.

    She's got you in her corner, which makes both of them very fortunate.
  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I can relate, being a young Mom myself, many of my "best" friends from highschool went on with their college plans and dreams and I was left behind with a baby and an alcoholic husband at the tender age of 20. Even now most of my friends are all at least 5-10 years older then me. I am touched to see you're being supportive. many Mom's are too "embarrassed" to throw their teen daughter's a shower.

    Sorry she was so sad, but someday she will reflect on those that did come and that did and still do love her.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hex...sorry things didnt work out quite as planned but glad she had fun anyway.

    I may have some summer stuff that would fit the baby for next summer laying around here. Im an awful pack rat and havent gotten around to getting rid of it because I was going to pass it down to Hailie and she was just way too big by then. If you want me to go through any of this stuff and send it to you after the baby is born, just PM me.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I understand. I had easy child 6 days after I turned 18. My baby shower consisted of family and friends of family. I only had one friend there...and she really wasn't a friend. She was the wife of my son's father's best friend.

    It is hard and her life is going to be vastly different from the friends she's grown up with. Maybe you could find a teen mom's group in your area so she can meet people who are at the same stage in life as her at her age.

    Her board aunties are proud of her, too. :D
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am glad your daughter is taking this seriously and saddened that her life will change so drastically. It is good that she has your support and understanding. None of us want our children to hurt and it is hard to watch the heartbreak. Hugs and thoughts for you as you transition into a new relationship with your daughter.
  10. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi hex -

    I can so relate. My difficult child got preggers at 17 too. She has 2 friends who maintain contact - but their relationships changed greatly. Not much in common anymore. My daughter really doesn't fit anywhere. Her young friends are all doing young person things. And women who are married and parenting are much older than her. It's a lonely journey. I'm sorry.

    On a different note: I would caution you NOT to do too much for your daughter after she has the baby. Our daughter lived with us for about 6 months and we make the mistake of doing too much. When our daughter left home with-our granddaughter she really wasn't prepared for how much work parenting, and cooking and cleaning, and laundry and paying bills, etc. was. I really did her a disservice. Please learn from my mistakes. :(

    Having a grand in your home is a really exceptional wonderful privilege. Enjoy.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, Hex, what a poignant note.
    You've gotten some great insights here.
    I'm sending {{hugs}}
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    As time goes by, and she goes to mommy/daughter outings, she will develop new friendships with other moms. She will have much to discuss with them. And she will treasure those friendships every bit as much as she treasured her school friends.

    She and the baby are in my prayers.