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General Parenting
difficult child 2 and MAJOR conflict with step-dad (husband)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 316858" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry things are so tough. It really hoovers to be stuck in the middle.</p><p></p><p>Your husband really needs to learn how to be a stepdad. Having a say does NOT mean he gets to pick the discipline. It means he can express his wishes but the final say regarding his stepkids belongs to YOU.</p><p></p><p>Don't give that power to him. It will damage your relationship with your kids.</p><p></p><p>Couple therapy seems imperative. In your shoes I would probably make it a "deal breaker". For my marriage that means either we go to the therapy or to divorce lawyers.</p><p></p><p>It is NOT the choice for everyone, of course. There are only 2-3 issues that are deal breakers in my marriage. Every marriage/relationship is different and needs different handling.</p><p></p><p>With this situation, esp given the anger that the kids and husband feel and generate, therapy would be something that I would insist on.</p><p></p><p>Shaving the kids' heads and making them wear the same clothes to school all week is NOT in my opinion) appropriate "discipline" or "punishment" for what the kids did. Extra chores, extra supervision, fewer privileges - those are OK. The shaving and same clothes could bring CPS down on you for abuse. </p><p></p><p>It is also just not acceptable to humiliate someone as a punishment. It destroys your relationship, the child's self image, and will NOT result in a person who does not do it again. The child will repeat the behavior, or develop even worse behavior in retaliation. Or do something horrible to husband and you.</p><p></p><p>Humiliation is just not OK. Discipline is meant to change a person's behavior to something better. Your husband is going against that in many ways. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are stuck in the middle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 316858, member: 1233"] I am sorry things are so tough. It really hoovers to be stuck in the middle. Your husband really needs to learn how to be a stepdad. Having a say does NOT mean he gets to pick the discipline. It means he can express his wishes but the final say regarding his stepkids belongs to YOU. Don't give that power to him. It will damage your relationship with your kids. Couple therapy seems imperative. In your shoes I would probably make it a "deal breaker". For my marriage that means either we go to the therapy or to divorce lawyers. It is NOT the choice for everyone, of course. There are only 2-3 issues that are deal breakers in my marriage. Every marriage/relationship is different and needs different handling. With this situation, esp given the anger that the kids and husband feel and generate, therapy would be something that I would insist on. Shaving the kids' heads and making them wear the same clothes to school all week is NOT in my opinion) appropriate "discipline" or "punishment" for what the kids did. Extra chores, extra supervision, fewer privileges - those are OK. The shaving and same clothes could bring CPS down on you for abuse. It is also just not acceptable to humiliate someone as a punishment. It destroys your relationship, the child's self image, and will NOT result in a person who does not do it again. The child will repeat the behavior, or develop even worse behavior in retaliation. Or do something horrible to husband and you. Humiliation is just not OK. Discipline is meant to change a person's behavior to something better. Your husband is going against that in many ways. I am so sorry you are stuck in the middle. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 2 and MAJOR conflict with step-dad (husband)
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