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difficult child 2 in Juvie
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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 412636" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>Thanks to everyone for their support and suggestions.</p><p></p><p>As a matter of fact, tomorrow is my 55 birthday. Not really the circumstances I would have liked but we are going to go out to celebrate with easy child and the kids godmother whose birthday was today. It will be a little sad because difficult child 2 won't be with us but I also think it will be a relief that we don't have to compensate for his presence either.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, we know all about securing the house. Had to do that with difficult child 1 about 10 years ago now. We were really hoping we wouldn't have to live like that again. It is really tough because I am an artist and work with scissors and fine knives and wife is a woodworker now with a garage full of sharp and dangerous tools. Having to put everything away and lock up will be very frustrating for me since my studio is a corner of the family room and there's no way to lock my stuff up without taking it somewhere else in the house. Grrr. And I have a show coming up. Naturally. I honestly don't know what we're going to do and I know I can't get it all done by Monday night. So we will have to prioritize.</p><p></p><p>My brief description left out a lot of stuff. I was trying for something less than 5 pages. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/groooansmileyf.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":groan:" title="groan :groan:" data-shortname=":groan:" /></p><p></p><p>One of the things I left out was how bizarre a lot of his behavior was and how irrational he seemed to be. He was functioning more like an 8 to 10 year old than a 15 1/2 year old. Very, very concrete thinking.</p><p></p><p>When he asked about going to GameStop for a game it hurt my heart more than almost anything else. He knew he was in trouble but he didn't really understand why he was in trouble and didn't know how to fix it. So he pulled up something he knew I had once said that he thought would please me (playing a game all together) thinking that would fix things. Instead of the expected approval of his olive branch, my gentle response "why would I do that?" was clearly a rejection of his idea. He had no idea why his olive branch was "wrong". He looked crushed and it was just sooo clear to me that he did not get anything at all about why it wasn't an appropriate suggestion let alone recognize the self-serving aspect of his idea.</p><p></p><p>After the officers got him out of the bathroom we discovered that he had made himself a nest in there. He had a sleeping bag in the bathtub, several pillows, some food, a change of clothes. I guess he really thought he was going to hole up in there for a whole day or something.</p><p></p><p>The cops clearly got that he was not thinking straight. There's not many 15 yo boys who are 5'5" and who have never been in trouble their whole lives who will try to stare down a cop while being handcuffed. The officer he was trying to stare down just shook his head and asked difficult child 2 what he thought he was doing trying to win a staring contest with a cop. difficult child 2 told the cop to wipe the smile off his face and if he wasn't in handcuffs he would show the cop who would win! The cop just stood there and looked at difficult child 2 with a sort of amazed look on his face until they finished cuffing him and then told the other officers to take difficult child 2 to the car. The whole exchange was ludicrous.</p><p></p><p>I talked to our psychiatrist this afternoon. She is terrific and we talked for at least 30 minutes. I told her that it seemed like difficult child 2 cannot make sense of his world when he's like this. Nothing connects to anything else and he lashes out because he can't figure out why things are happening the way that they are. She totally agreed with me. From his perspective random punishment is being handed out just like he is a rat in a cage and someone is shocking him off and on no matter what he does. He's scared and angry and disoriented and feels like he has nothing to lose by lashing out at his tormentors. The tormentors being the people who are trying to help him understand what's going on and why he's in trouble. She said she really hoped someone from Juvie would call her and I gave her the numbers I had for them. She said to go visit him so he knew we weren't abandoning him but that we shouldn't drop the charges. He's getting the appropriate consequences for his behavior even if he doesn't understand why it's appropriate. She said she's hoping we are offered wrap around services and in home behavioral support so we can try to figure out if there's something about our family patterns that is making things worse. She said she suspected that there might not be and the only thing that was going to work was Residential Treatment Center (RTC).</p><p></p><p>We went to see him this evening. Because I am the "victim" we had to meet in a cubicle with a glass partition between us It was so hard. He sat there huddled in this huge sweatshirt and alternated between silent tears, sullen complaint and hurt uncertainty. He hardly spoke and when he did he wouldn't get close enough to the mike so we could hear what he said without having to make him repeat everything. He said he hadn't slept the night before and he felt terrible. He's cold, the food is terrible (he said he wouldn't trust the meat as far as he could throw the animal it came from and almost smiled when we laughed), there's nothing to do, they have "rubber" pencils (this said with disgust by my artist son), there's another kid who just bangs over and over on his door, they moved him in with the 11 and 12 year olds that are "too young" for him. Sounds like he said a lot when you write it down but that is pretty much all he said in a 45 minute visit and most of it was in response to our questions.</p><p></p><p>wife is wanting to wimp out. She is worried that this is a bad thing to do "to him". She won't quite come right out and say we should drop the charges but it's clear that's what she's thinking. I told her I'm not willing to do that, at least not until we go to court on Monday and find out what's going to happen next. We need help and it seems like the only place to turn for it is through Juvie. I'm worried that we will get to the point where they are ready to offer us the services we need only to refuse us the services because we aren't eligible for MediCal. </p><p></p><p>That's what happened with difficult child 1. The school district returned him home after 18 months of therapeutic foster care/SED school placement with promises of wrap around support services. And we got absolutely nothing. Not one single counselor visit - nothing. Oh you don't have MediCal? We thought you had MediCal. Oh we only serve people with MediCal. No you can't pay privately (not that we had the $$). No there isn't anyone else who provides these services in the entire county. Gosh we're sorry, someone should have told you.</p><p></p><p>I am going to bed. I feel really sad right now. Up until tonight I was fine. The VP at my son's high school called me back about his being absent. She said "you must be devastated" and I was like - no, not really. Maybe we'll finally get the help we need. This may actually be a good thing that this has happened. "oh" she says, obviously unable to imagine such a thing. What I wouldn't give to live in that world.</p><p></p><p>Peace,</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 412636, member: 7948"] Thanks to everyone for their support and suggestions. As a matter of fact, tomorrow is my 55 birthday. Not really the circumstances I would have liked but we are going to go out to celebrate with easy child and the kids godmother whose birthday was today. It will be a little sad because difficult child 2 won't be with us but I also think it will be a relief that we don't have to compensate for his presence either. Unfortunately, we know all about securing the house. Had to do that with difficult child 1 about 10 years ago now. We were really hoping we wouldn't have to live like that again. It is really tough because I am an artist and work with scissors and fine knives and wife is a woodworker now with a garage full of sharp and dangerous tools. Having to put everything away and lock up will be very frustrating for me since my studio is a corner of the family room and there's no way to lock my stuff up without taking it somewhere else in the house. Grrr. And I have a show coming up. Naturally. I honestly don't know what we're going to do and I know I can't get it all done by Monday night. So we will have to prioritize. My brief description left out a lot of stuff. I was trying for something less than 5 pages. :groooansmileyf: One of the things I left out was how bizarre a lot of his behavior was and how irrational he seemed to be. He was functioning more like an 8 to 10 year old than a 15 1/2 year old. Very, very concrete thinking. When he asked about going to GameStop for a game it hurt my heart more than almost anything else. He knew he was in trouble but he didn't really understand why he was in trouble and didn't know how to fix it. So he pulled up something he knew I had once said that he thought would please me (playing a game all together) thinking that would fix things. Instead of the expected approval of his olive branch, my gentle response "why would I do that?" was clearly a rejection of his idea. He had no idea why his olive branch was "wrong". He looked crushed and it was just sooo clear to me that he did not get anything at all about why it wasn't an appropriate suggestion let alone recognize the self-serving aspect of his idea. After the officers got him out of the bathroom we discovered that he had made himself a nest in there. He had a sleeping bag in the bathtub, several pillows, some food, a change of clothes. I guess he really thought he was going to hole up in there for a whole day or something. The cops clearly got that he was not thinking straight. There's not many 15 yo boys who are 5'5" and who have never been in trouble their whole lives who will try to stare down a cop while being handcuffed. The officer he was trying to stare down just shook his head and asked difficult child 2 what he thought he was doing trying to win a staring contest with a cop. difficult child 2 told the cop to wipe the smile off his face and if he wasn't in handcuffs he would show the cop who would win! The cop just stood there and looked at difficult child 2 with a sort of amazed look on his face until they finished cuffing him and then told the other officers to take difficult child 2 to the car. The whole exchange was ludicrous. I talked to our psychiatrist this afternoon. She is terrific and we talked for at least 30 minutes. I told her that it seemed like difficult child 2 cannot make sense of his world when he's like this. Nothing connects to anything else and he lashes out because he can't figure out why things are happening the way that they are. She totally agreed with me. From his perspective random punishment is being handed out just like he is a rat in a cage and someone is shocking him off and on no matter what he does. He's scared and angry and disoriented and feels like he has nothing to lose by lashing out at his tormentors. The tormentors being the people who are trying to help him understand what's going on and why he's in trouble. She said she really hoped someone from Juvie would call her and I gave her the numbers I had for them. She said to go visit him so he knew we weren't abandoning him but that we shouldn't drop the charges. He's getting the appropriate consequences for his behavior even if he doesn't understand why it's appropriate. She said she's hoping we are offered wrap around services and in home behavioral support so we can try to figure out if there's something about our family patterns that is making things worse. She said she suspected that there might not be and the only thing that was going to work was Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We went to see him this evening. Because I am the "victim" we had to meet in a cubicle with a glass partition between us It was so hard. He sat there huddled in this huge sweatshirt and alternated between silent tears, sullen complaint and hurt uncertainty. He hardly spoke and when he did he wouldn't get close enough to the mike so we could hear what he said without having to make him repeat everything. He said he hadn't slept the night before and he felt terrible. He's cold, the food is terrible (he said he wouldn't trust the meat as far as he could throw the animal it came from and almost smiled when we laughed), there's nothing to do, they have "rubber" pencils (this said with disgust by my artist son), there's another kid who just bangs over and over on his door, they moved him in with the 11 and 12 year olds that are "too young" for him. Sounds like he said a lot when you write it down but that is pretty much all he said in a 45 minute visit and most of it was in response to our questions. wife is wanting to wimp out. She is worried that this is a bad thing to do "to him". She won't quite come right out and say we should drop the charges but it's clear that's what she's thinking. I told her I'm not willing to do that, at least not until we go to court on Monday and find out what's going to happen next. We need help and it seems like the only place to turn for it is through Juvie. I'm worried that we will get to the point where they are ready to offer us the services we need only to refuse us the services because we aren't eligible for MediCal. That's what happened with difficult child 1. The school district returned him home after 18 months of therapeutic foster care/SED school placement with promises of wrap around support services. And we got absolutely nothing. Not one single counselor visit - nothing. Oh you don't have MediCal? We thought you had MediCal. Oh we only serve people with MediCal. No you can't pay privately (not that we had the $$). No there isn't anyone else who provides these services in the entire county. Gosh we're sorry, someone should have told you. I am going to bed. I feel really sad right now. Up until tonight I was fine. The VP at my son's high school called me back about his being absent. She said "you must be devastated" and I was like - no, not really. Maybe we'll finally get the help we need. This may actually be a good thing that this has happened. "oh" she says, obviously unable to imagine such a thing. What I wouldn't give to live in that world. Peace, Patricia [/QUOTE]
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