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General Parenting
difficult child 2 in psychiatric hospital and they are talking out of home placement
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 460576" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First, you are handling this really well. Be sure to use the time he is out of the home to do some special things with your daughter. I also urge you to call the sw's BOSS and have her rip the sw a new one. NO child, regardless of if they are 15 or 5 mos, should EVER be told that she is the reason that her bro may not come home. Your lovely SW just dumped this load of guilt on your daughter - that because she doesn't feel safe then husband might not get to come home. This is a LIE - difficult child may not come home because he cannot be safe or non-violent around others, because he is is ill, or because he maes bad choices that hurt others. There is a HUGE difference between what the SW said to daughter and what the truth it. Both have similar outcomes, difficult child not coming home (IF the sw places him), but the way the sw said it puts guilt on easy child AND drives a giant wedge between the twins. Forever more difficult child will be able to say that his twin did him wrong and got him kicked out of the house. </p><p></p><p>easy child needs a therapist to help with this stuff and you have to keep talking to her about how it is NOT her fault no matter what. </p><p></p><p>As for the sandwiches, I would push them to wait, but at some point they have to get food into him. Yes, it should not be an easy accommodation, but you have to realize that many of the food issues are not just being picky. They are true problems, and not defiance. For years Wiz could not eat tomatoes in most forms. He liked pizza, but with all the other stuff the sauce wasn't that noticeable to his mind. A bite of spaghetti with sauce, or of lasagna, or anything with ketchup would make him gag or vomit. the smell of tomato sauce, did the same. My husband thought it was defiance for a long time, but I wouldn't allow him to punish Wiz. I have some major sensory issues with foods and have the same reaction to some of them. Liver, in any form, gags me. Mushrooms are hideous because the texture is nasty whether they are cooked or raw and their smell is worse. </p><p></p><p>So the pbj sandwiches COULD be splitting, but they also could be a very real issue. I owuld let the nurse know about the sensory issues with food and let them sort it out. I rarely felt that food was a battle I wanted to fight as long as they were eating fairly healthily. </p><p></p><p>I think out of home may be the best choice. You and easy child do not deserve to be the victims of domestic violence - and that is what difficult child is dishing out. You CAN get free help from the local DV center, as can easy child and even, when ready to see/admit his part, difficult child. PLEASE seek this out. Doesn't matter if it isn't an adult being the abuser - itis still abuse and domestic violence. the dv center may even be able to help get a placement and/or find ways to keep you from having to pay a fortune. Usually they have lawyers who will help pro bono and then the atty can at least try to reduce the amt it costs your family because you were the abused even if it was your child who hurt you - so making you pay huge fees would be abusing you again (or so it might be able to be argued).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 460576, member: 1233"] First, you are handling this really well. Be sure to use the time he is out of the home to do some special things with your daughter. I also urge you to call the sw's BOSS and have her rip the sw a new one. NO child, regardless of if they are 15 or 5 mos, should EVER be told that she is the reason that her bro may not come home. Your lovely SW just dumped this load of guilt on your daughter - that because she doesn't feel safe then husband might not get to come home. This is a LIE - difficult child may not come home because he cannot be safe or non-violent around others, because he is is ill, or because he maes bad choices that hurt others. There is a HUGE difference between what the SW said to daughter and what the truth it. Both have similar outcomes, difficult child not coming home (IF the sw places him), but the way the sw said it puts guilt on easy child AND drives a giant wedge between the twins. Forever more difficult child will be able to say that his twin did him wrong and got him kicked out of the house. easy child needs a therapist to help with this stuff and you have to keep talking to her about how it is NOT her fault no matter what. As for the sandwiches, I would push them to wait, but at some point they have to get food into him. Yes, it should not be an easy accommodation, but you have to realize that many of the food issues are not just being picky. They are true problems, and not defiance. For years Wiz could not eat tomatoes in most forms. He liked pizza, but with all the other stuff the sauce wasn't that noticeable to his mind. A bite of spaghetti with sauce, or of lasagna, or anything with ketchup would make him gag or vomit. the smell of tomato sauce, did the same. My husband thought it was defiance for a long time, but I wouldn't allow him to punish Wiz. I have some major sensory issues with foods and have the same reaction to some of them. Liver, in any form, gags me. Mushrooms are hideous because the texture is nasty whether they are cooked or raw and their smell is worse. So the pbj sandwiches COULD be splitting, but they also could be a very real issue. I owuld let the nurse know about the sensory issues with food and let them sort it out. I rarely felt that food was a battle I wanted to fight as long as they were eating fairly healthily. I think out of home may be the best choice. You and easy child do not deserve to be the victims of domestic violence - and that is what difficult child is dishing out. You CAN get free help from the local DV center, as can easy child and even, when ready to see/admit his part, difficult child. PLEASE seek this out. Doesn't matter if it isn't an adult being the abuser - itis still abuse and domestic violence. the dv center may even be able to help get a placement and/or find ways to keep you from having to pay a fortune. Usually they have lawyers who will help pro bono and then the atty can at least try to reduce the amt it costs your family because you were the abused even if it was your child who hurt you - so making you pay huge fees would be abusing you again (or so it might be able to be argued). [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 2 in psychiatric hospital and they are talking out of home placement
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