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difficult child 2 to be discharged Friday home; his twin in tears
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<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 460888" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>left a message for her therapist already but no return call yet.</p><p></p><p>easy child sees her tomorrow night.</p><p></p><p>I think the danger to easy child is that she doesn't walk away from a fight so if difficult child 2 really focuses on her she is likely to get physical. Since he's now bigger/stronger she would get hurt. If she stays out of his way she only has to hear/witness the fights with us. Not that this isn't damaging to her but it's not what CPS means when they ask if she's in danger.</p><p></p><p>Our parenting therapist last night did a sequence chart for one of the episodes last week. When she said she only had 15 minutes left, we brought up the out of home placement stuff and tried to talk to her about it. she said that their agency would not make a placement recommendation - i.e. she wasn't going to tell us yes or no or anything approaching that.</p><p></p><p>She said she never loses hope - that she has seen amazing things when it seemed impossible that a family's situation could be turned around. I asked her point blank if there was something obvious that we were doing "wrong" and she said she thought we needed to stop feeling guilty. She said she sees this with pretty much all the families she works with and has experienced it herself. She said we have a huge number of challenges between the medical illness and procedures, mental health problems, extended family stuff, external stressors, lack of support network and we have done the best we could. But because we feel guilty about some of these things (especially difficult child 2's serious health issues) we haven't always made good decisions and have let difficult child 2 develop some really difficult behaviors. Now he's a teen and we are trying to change course and it's not easy. In her view, parent's guilt leads them to make mistakes like choosing the wrong battles to fight.</p><p></p><p>We feel confused because last night she was talking about when we should walk away instead of hold our ground with him. I think she was saying we have to make de-escalation our priority instead of holding firm on the rules. Or maybe that we need to be much more narrow in our enforcement of the rules.</p><p></p><p>I don't know. It feels like we keep doing what we think they are telling us to do and not getting it "right".</p><p></p><p>I think I'm going to get The Explosive Child out again and re-read the Baskets part. Maybe that's what she was trying to get at and refreshing my memory about that will help me "get it".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 460888, member: 11920"] left a message for her therapist already but no return call yet. easy child sees her tomorrow night. I think the danger to easy child is that she doesn't walk away from a fight so if difficult child 2 really focuses on her she is likely to get physical. Since he's now bigger/stronger she would get hurt. If she stays out of his way she only has to hear/witness the fights with us. Not that this isn't damaging to her but it's not what CPS means when they ask if she's in danger. Our parenting therapist last night did a sequence chart for one of the episodes last week. When she said she only had 15 minutes left, we brought up the out of home placement stuff and tried to talk to her about it. she said that their agency would not make a placement recommendation - i.e. she wasn't going to tell us yes or no or anything approaching that. She said she never loses hope - that she has seen amazing things when it seemed impossible that a family's situation could be turned around. I asked her point blank if there was something obvious that we were doing "wrong" and she said she thought we needed to stop feeling guilty. She said she sees this with pretty much all the families she works with and has experienced it herself. She said we have a huge number of challenges between the medical illness and procedures, mental health problems, extended family stuff, external stressors, lack of support network and we have done the best we could. But because we feel guilty about some of these things (especially difficult child 2's serious health issues) we haven't always made good decisions and have let difficult child 2 develop some really difficult behaviors. Now he's a teen and we are trying to change course and it's not easy. In her view, parent's guilt leads them to make mistakes like choosing the wrong battles to fight. We feel confused because last night she was talking about when we should walk away instead of hold our ground with him. I think she was saying we have to make de-escalation our priority instead of holding firm on the rules. Or maybe that we need to be much more narrow in our enforcement of the rules. I don't know. It feels like we keep doing what we think they are telling us to do and not getting it "right". I think I'm going to get The Explosive Child out again and re-read the Baskets part. Maybe that's what she was trying to get at and refreshing my memory about that will help me "get it". [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 2 to be discharged Friday home; his twin in tears
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