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difficult child 2 to be discharged Friday home; his twin in tears
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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 460919" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>You know, when my son was about 12 and unstable we were having lots of rages. I almost hestitate to say rage, becuase I am not sure that is right, but he would start throwing stuff around etc (to the point where we called the police one time because he was so out of control) and it would really escalate when I would tell him in the thick of things the privileges etc that he was going to lose if he didn't cut it out. We could have threatened him with anything under those circumstances and it only would have served to ratchet up the out of control behavior. It was so wierd, it was out of control behavior but there was some strange element of control in it as well.Hard to explain. </p><p></p><p>Clearly your son has serious mental health issues coupled with teenage issues. I think that perhaps you therapist is maybe trying to say that no one wins when things get escalated and really look at your priorities. Take medications, no violence, etc. Some of his behavior seems to be deliberately baiting you. </p><p></p><p>Having been there done that, I think focusing on deescalation might be useful. Yes it does feel like you are giving in, but escalating things to a crisis point when there is no help in sight is not helping either you or him feel good about yourselves. AT this point maybe the priority is to see if you can get a semblance of a positive relationship back with your son. It doesn't mean buying him stuff or anything like that, but maybe there are lots of battles you might let go of around the house. It is so hard because it feels like you are just giving in to this bully.</p><p></p><p>Ask the therapist, what is the line in the sand and what are the battles you should pick. Can your son be left alone when things start to escalate? Could you just go to your room maybe? I am not saying any of this is your fault, but insanity is just keeping doing what isn't working so maybe a new strategy is in order. </p><p></p><p>If I had anything to do over in my parenting it would have been to do a better job picking battles. Guilt, right? Boatloads. </p><p></p><p>Good luck</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 460919, member: 2322"] You know, when my son was about 12 and unstable we were having lots of rages. I almost hestitate to say rage, becuase I am not sure that is right, but he would start throwing stuff around etc (to the point where we called the police one time because he was so out of control) and it would really escalate when I would tell him in the thick of things the privileges etc that he was going to lose if he didn't cut it out. We could have threatened him with anything under those circumstances and it only would have served to ratchet up the out of control behavior. It was so wierd, it was out of control behavior but there was some strange element of control in it as well.Hard to explain. Clearly your son has serious mental health issues coupled with teenage issues. I think that perhaps you therapist is maybe trying to say that no one wins when things get escalated and really look at your priorities. Take medications, no violence, etc. Some of his behavior seems to be deliberately baiting you. Having been there done that, I think focusing on deescalation might be useful. Yes it does feel like you are giving in, but escalating things to a crisis point when there is no help in sight is not helping either you or him feel good about yourselves. AT this point maybe the priority is to see if you can get a semblance of a positive relationship back with your son. It doesn't mean buying him stuff or anything like that, but maybe there are lots of battles you might let go of around the house. It is so hard because it feels like you are just giving in to this bully. Ask the therapist, what is the line in the sand and what are the battles you should pick. Can your son be left alone when things start to escalate? Could you just go to your room maybe? I am not saying any of this is your fault, but insanity is just keeping doing what isn't working so maybe a new strategy is in order. If I had anything to do over in my parenting it would have been to do a better job picking battles. Guilt, right? Boatloads. Good luck [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 2 to be discharged Friday home; his twin in tears
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