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difficult child 3 dropping out of school?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 432436" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I spoke to him this morning (Saturday) about putting in a few hours FIRST on his assessment task. We have been asked to get the medical certificate on Monday, so until we see the doctor, we don't know IF he will qualify for the extension on the task. Which means if we don't get the certificate, the assessment task is automatically overdue. So far this year he's had four of these tasks, only one was completed in the required time limit.</p><p></p><p>About high school graduation - it is the law here now, that every kid has to stay in school until they complete the HSC. As a result, for some kids it gets watered down to the point where they CAN handle it - a kid with severe learning problems is usually educated through a special unit attached to another high school, and they have certain tasks to complete (usually various levels of self-care and life skills) in order to qualify. Those who age out of the system, or who find school clashes badly for them, can transfer to TAFE and complete their HSC there. SIL2's sister dropped out of school (before the new law came in) and now wants to study nursing. She has to complete her HSC first and is studying it at TAFE (Technical and Further Education).</p><p></p><p>Two years ago I enquired about TAFE as a possible education pathway for difficult child 3, to study computing skills at the same time as he works on his HSC with the correspondence school. But I was less than happy with the type of disability support available to him at TAFE - the class teacher spoke to us and made it clear, I am not permitted to act as his unpaid aide, for example. If there is a problem, they will not call me. They did not seem to me to be geared towards giving him the help he needs. Also, the computer course he could have done was artistically focussed (producing short films; photography etc) which he could do, but would need support with personal organisation. So when the school said they could give him TAFE equivalency and also have it count towards his HSC, plus it would be a more technically oriented course, we grabbed the chance. Now he's completed his first TAFE certificate through school (last year) he can, if necessary, slide into a wider variety of courses. But for now, school can continue to help there too - he is currently enrolled in the second certificate course, although his progress, as in everything else, has been woeful.</p><p></p><p>About using the anime as a reward - I would need to be able to control his access, and right now I can't. He is just too capable of finding his own ways to access it. All I can do is monitor it, and keep reminding him to stay off it during school hours. The best way to control, is for him to control it himself because it just is not possible to override his determination to break the rules if he chooses to. Instead, I need to rely on his (thankfully well-developed) conscience.</p><p></p><p>The Asian porn angle - it depends on how you define it, I think. Again, cultural differences - there is stuff we get here that I do not classify as porn which I suspect others might do. What I classify as porn - graphic depictions of sex, full-scale nudity, profanity - difficult child 3 tends to avoid already when we encounter it in other situations. I have read what he wrote (a story about a superhero's girlfriend falling into quicksand and being rescued at the last minute - the super-hero was difficult child 3's alter ego character that he uses constantly across a number of game platforms) had nothing remotely pornographic in it apart from a mention that when the girl sank deep enough in the quicksand so her breasts went under, a bubble of air got trapped and blooped up a minute or two later. He said he was asked to draw out the tension in his story by not having it all happen too fast. He was enthusiastic about letting me read his story, so he wasn't hiding anything. He's also tried to refine some artwork of his alter-ego. These characters are also part animal, which again reduces the possible porn aspects. I do suspect there are fetishes associated with this site, but from what I have been able to determine, they are (so far) innocuous. The site is called FurAffinity and is primarily populated with cartoon characters. It seems to me to be aimed at early teens.</p><p></p><p>About all I can do with this is monitor and supervise, encouraging him to show me everything. As soon as he gets secretive, we will know we're in dangerous waters. He is not good at deception and we have encouraged him to be open. Often he's too open!</p><p></p><p>Actually that is an interesting thing about his writing - usually, kids get self-conscious about their creative writing when they hit high school. At that point perhaps it's a level of self-awareness that tells them that in their writing, they reveal themselves. But younger kids often write more creatively and fluently, because they lack this degree of self-consciousness. Well, difficult child 3's writing still shows this lack of self-consciousness, but with a uni level vocabulary and use of grammar. So superficially at least, his writing looks very skilled. It fooled his English teacher last year, she said there was no way a kid with his level of autism could produce the brilliant writing she saw from him. We finally were able to prove it to her, but my name was mud for a while there. So if this site encourages the creative side to develop further (he's also posting photographs - I am generally with him when he takes the photos, they are 3-D shots of scenery which he then processes through so they can be viewed on anyone's computer screen using red/blue specs) then I am happy for this to be a more productive recreation. But NOT during school hours! And right now, he is incredibly obsessed by checking his status on this site and following his increasing popularity. In the past I could rely on him to leave his other activity (often reluctantly and late, but he would leave it and stay off it until school hours finished) but now we are really having trouble. Usually I get him working (I have my methods!) and once he's working, he stays working. But lately, he can't stay on task with his work (even his favourite subjects), and that is a very new and very big problem.</p><p></p><p>I did consider cutting off internet access, but too much of his schoolwork requires the internet. Even his current assessment task is internet-based. I do know the school has managed to set their IT up so on site, they have various websites blocked (such as FaceBook). So I have warned him that if I have to, I will find a way to cut off his access to FA entirely, or at least during school hours. I may even have to engage him in setting up the block himself - part of him taking personal responsibility. But I am hoping that getting a job, even one day a week, will put him in an environment where he has to step away from FA for a set number of hours, and teach him the mental self-discipline he needs to apply at other times too.</p><p></p><p>I've got to go out today, husband is not home either. I would like him to get some work done before I go, but he says he HAS to check his status first, and 'talk' to others on the site. A track of the conversation thread is saved, I do get to see it. It seems harmless, other than the time-wasting side of it. I also regularly shoulder-surf. As I'm about to go and do now! I can hear him in the next room - if he chuckles, or begins to vocally stimulant, I know he's not concentrating on schoolwork and so I check up. His stims sound different when he's working!</p><p></p><p>It's the weekend, it is his choice if he does any work. But if he doesn't, he will have a lot more stress next week. I remind him of this and help him make the right choice. I have one hour left before I have to go. Wish me luck!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 432436, member: 1991"] I spoke to him this morning (Saturday) about putting in a few hours FIRST on his assessment task. We have been asked to get the medical certificate on Monday, so until we see the doctor, we don't know IF he will qualify for the extension on the task. Which means if we don't get the certificate, the assessment task is automatically overdue. So far this year he's had four of these tasks, only one was completed in the required time limit. About high school graduation - it is the law here now, that every kid has to stay in school until they complete the HSC. As a result, for some kids it gets watered down to the point where they CAN handle it - a kid with severe learning problems is usually educated through a special unit attached to another high school, and they have certain tasks to complete (usually various levels of self-care and life skills) in order to qualify. Those who age out of the system, or who find school clashes badly for them, can transfer to TAFE and complete their HSC there. SIL2's sister dropped out of school (before the new law came in) and now wants to study nursing. She has to complete her HSC first and is studying it at TAFE (Technical and Further Education). Two years ago I enquired about TAFE as a possible education pathway for difficult child 3, to study computing skills at the same time as he works on his HSC with the correspondence school. But I was less than happy with the type of disability support available to him at TAFE - the class teacher spoke to us and made it clear, I am not permitted to act as his unpaid aide, for example. If there is a problem, they will not call me. They did not seem to me to be geared towards giving him the help he needs. Also, the computer course he could have done was artistically focussed (producing short films; photography etc) which he could do, but would need support with personal organisation. So when the school said they could give him TAFE equivalency and also have it count towards his HSC, plus it would be a more technically oriented course, we grabbed the chance. Now he's completed his first TAFE certificate through school (last year) he can, if necessary, slide into a wider variety of courses. But for now, school can continue to help there too - he is currently enrolled in the second certificate course, although his progress, as in everything else, has been woeful. About using the anime as a reward - I would need to be able to control his access, and right now I can't. He is just too capable of finding his own ways to access it. All I can do is monitor it, and keep reminding him to stay off it during school hours. The best way to control, is for him to control it himself because it just is not possible to override his determination to break the rules if he chooses to. Instead, I need to rely on his (thankfully well-developed) conscience. The Asian porn angle - it depends on how you define it, I think. Again, cultural differences - there is stuff we get here that I do not classify as porn which I suspect others might do. What I classify as porn - graphic depictions of sex, full-scale nudity, profanity - difficult child 3 tends to avoid already when we encounter it in other situations. I have read what he wrote (a story about a superhero's girlfriend falling into quicksand and being rescued at the last minute - the super-hero was difficult child 3's alter ego character that he uses constantly across a number of game platforms) had nothing remotely pornographic in it apart from a mention that when the girl sank deep enough in the quicksand so her breasts went under, a bubble of air got trapped and blooped up a minute or two later. He said he was asked to draw out the tension in his story by not having it all happen too fast. He was enthusiastic about letting me read his story, so he wasn't hiding anything. He's also tried to refine some artwork of his alter-ego. These characters are also part animal, which again reduces the possible porn aspects. I do suspect there are fetishes associated with this site, but from what I have been able to determine, they are (so far) innocuous. The site is called FurAffinity and is primarily populated with cartoon characters. It seems to me to be aimed at early teens. About all I can do with this is monitor and supervise, encouraging him to show me everything. As soon as he gets secretive, we will know we're in dangerous waters. He is not good at deception and we have encouraged him to be open. Often he's too open! Actually that is an interesting thing about his writing - usually, kids get self-conscious about their creative writing when they hit high school. At that point perhaps it's a level of self-awareness that tells them that in their writing, they reveal themselves. But younger kids often write more creatively and fluently, because they lack this degree of self-consciousness. Well, difficult child 3's writing still shows this lack of self-consciousness, but with a uni level vocabulary and use of grammar. So superficially at least, his writing looks very skilled. It fooled his English teacher last year, she said there was no way a kid with his level of autism could produce the brilliant writing she saw from him. We finally were able to prove it to her, but my name was mud for a while there. So if this site encourages the creative side to develop further (he's also posting photographs - I am generally with him when he takes the photos, they are 3-D shots of scenery which he then processes through so they can be viewed on anyone's computer screen using red/blue specs) then I am happy for this to be a more productive recreation. But NOT during school hours! And right now, he is incredibly obsessed by checking his status on this site and following his increasing popularity. In the past I could rely on him to leave his other activity (often reluctantly and late, but he would leave it and stay off it until school hours finished) but now we are really having trouble. Usually I get him working (I have my methods!) and once he's working, he stays working. But lately, he can't stay on task with his work (even his favourite subjects), and that is a very new and very big problem. I did consider cutting off internet access, but too much of his schoolwork requires the internet. Even his current assessment task is internet-based. I do know the school has managed to set their IT up so on site, they have various websites blocked (such as FaceBook). So I have warned him that if I have to, I will find a way to cut off his access to FA entirely, or at least during school hours. I may even have to engage him in setting up the block himself - part of him taking personal responsibility. But I am hoping that getting a job, even one day a week, will put him in an environment where he has to step away from FA for a set number of hours, and teach him the mental self-discipline he needs to apply at other times too. I've got to go out today, husband is not home either. I would like him to get some work done before I go, but he says he HAS to check his status first, and 'talk' to others on the site. A track of the conversation thread is saved, I do get to see it. It seems harmless, other than the time-wasting side of it. I also regularly shoulder-surf. As I'm about to go and do now! I can hear him in the next room - if he chuckles, or begins to vocally stimulant, I know he's not concentrating on schoolwork and so I check up. His stims sound different when he's working! It's the weekend, it is his choice if he does any work. But if he doesn't, he will have a lot more stress next week. I remind him of this and help him make the right choice. I have one hour left before I have to go. Wish me luck! Marg [/QUOTE]
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