difficult child 3 growing up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Marguerite, Sep 4, 2007.

  1. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    difficult child 3 was working on his maths today, trying to do some on the computer and some in his notes, all at the same time. I don't think it was a good idea - he didn't make a lot of progress - but he has to try these things to find this sort of thing out.

    However, he DID find my computer log of his Communication Book from mainstream, a few years ago. I had dug into my files to give Michele an example and this meant that the extract showed up in "recent documents" on the computer.

    So difficult child 3 opened up the Communication Book file. He's been reading it in and off during the day, getting a bit distracted by it, but couldn't shut it down, he seemed fascinated. When I asked him why he was reading it, he said, "I just want to know what things were like. I didn't realise I was so difficult for you, and when I think how I am now, I can see how far I've improved. But it has been a lot of hard work for you, I'm very sorry."
    I was amazed - his maturity is incredible, his increasing social awareness and moving away from the typical egocentricity of autism is wonderful.
    I told him, "You are a very special person, although you have been hard work it is very much worthwhile. I am proud to be your mother."
    He wasn't ready to hear that, I don't think - he was still caught up in how difficult things have been. But I'm glad he could also see the improvement and I think he was also mentally calculating how much more he can improve over the next few years.

    This afternoon I was in the bank with difficult child 1 and his girlfriend. It was interesting to compare - he was also a lot of hard work. He's been getting disability pension since he was 15, but back then we were warned to lock him off from access to all that money, until he learned self-control. So we set up a trust account, him and one of us parents to sign so he couldn't withdraw the money all by himself, and each fortnight when the pension went into his main account, we immediately siphoned off half of it into the investment account. He now has $15,000 in the investment account, despite having been permitted by us to withdraw a thousand every so often.
    And now he wants to buy a car. He will have some money to do it.
    Today he was getting girlfriend's signature added to the list, so he and she can withdraw money together. He's an adult, he can make his own decisions and remove this restriction if he wants to, but he chose not to. I'm trusting girlfriend to keep the reins on him, while he's still learning self-control. But he's come so far since he was 15 and would withdraw every cent from his account, just because there was money there. Now he manages his money much better, has a much better understanding of how it all works. He also has come a long way in 8 years.

    At today's meeting concerning getting a doctor into the village, a couple of people asked after difficult child 1 - what is he doing now, type of question. He is seen around the place, looking like a thug or a goth, always in black, wearing boots which look welded rather than cobbled. But underneath it all, he's turned out to be a decent human being, still learning to live as an adult (a way to go yet). But he now has goals and is getting closer to achieving them. He's finally on the way.
    We'll know more in the next few days - whether he gets his drivers licence, whether he gets the apprenticeship he's applied for - a lot of changes in the wind.

    And when I look back to how things used to be - it has been hard work, it has been depressing at times wondering if we'd ever get him through school, let alone looking to live independently.

    So now we're even beginning to hope for difficult child 3. In 18 months he will be eligible for the Disability Pension. We'll have to do the same thing, over again. But already I feel we've got a head start - his increasing perception just blows me away.

    Had to share it.

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Awesome update Marg!! :bravo:

    That difficult child 3 could look at what you'd written objectively and all, well that does show alot of maturity on his part. He and difficult child 1 have come a long way.

    You have every reason to be proud. :biggrin:
  3. Awesome news!!!! It is a tribute to the hard work that you all have done; and it gives the rest of us out here some hope...
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    What a great post to read! Your kids are doing great, Marg. I'm not surprised at all with a mom like you!

    This update gives all of us such encouragement. Some day I hope to be in that position. I already do feel gratitude for receiving the opportunity to be a mom. I went through a lot to get here. I try to remind myself to enjoy those joyful moments that are interspersed between the difficult ones.

    I'm so glad you're here, Marguerite. You are a wise mentor to many of us.

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What an inspiring post. So glad to hear both difficult children are doing so well. Way to go :warrior:
  6. Janna

    Janna New Member


    I love this post because it gives me inspiration. I've always thought your difficult child 3 and Dylan to be alike in so many ways.

    I'm glad he made you so proud. He is a wonderful boy. All your children are.

    You're a great mom! I'm proud of you, and him.

  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Thank you for sharing such a wonderful update. :bravo:
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Impressive update on both of your difficult children. It gives me a bit of hope for the tweedles.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow! That is so sweet about difficult child 3. Sigh.

    I love your description of difficult child 1. I can see him clearly.

    Thanks for the update.

  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Your descriptions about EVERYTHING make it easy to see it clearly!

    Thank you for a wonderful update. We like those.